Thursday, February 08, 2007

I was just on the New York Times website reviewing the most popular articles. I came across one that I glimpsed in December, but today it struck me in a completely different way than before.

It centered on questions that couples should ask themselves before they get married. I thought the list was really good--and if more oouples dealt with these issues instead of impulses the divorce rate might not be as high in this country as it presently is. Love will only take you so far, communication will take you the rest of the way.

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?


coldploy said...

These are good questions! Thanks for the post.

Excalibur said...

Thanks for reading them.
I thought these are the types of questions that not knowing the answers to could play havoc with a marriage.

Imagine finding out that you've landed the job of your life and that your spouse would deny you that opportunity.

Imagine not discussing the pet peeves that your husband/wife does that annoys you and letting it eat you and your marriage away.

Al said...

These are interesting questions.

"Imagine finding out that you've landed the job of your life and that your spouse would deny you that opportunity."

Exactly why you need to discuss these things ahead of time.

Excalibur said...

I certainly agree.