Monday, September 25, 2006

The Real Focus

I guess I still had something on the clipboard. Perhaps I need to focus before I submit. Anyway you get two for the price of one. The preceding poem was Revolving Relationships:


Thoughts scattered across my mind
like grains of desert sand
consume every breath of my being

No time to relax
Never anytime to relax
Definitely not the time to relax

Scattered thoughts consume my being
What to do?
What to say?

No time to relax
Definitely no time to relax today

Such a suffocating feeling
I don't have time to breathe,
just time to make moves
and worry about breathing when I have time to.

JT 2003

I wrote this poem on 12/15/2003. Sometimes it is cool to take a look back at things you wrote awhile back to gauge the difference in your style. I hope that you enjoy.

Revolving Relationships

How could it be that after such a long time,
My thoughts betray my heart,
My thoughts betray my smile,
My thoughts betray all that surround me?

Trust only yourself, I think.
Protect your heart, I think.
Don’t let anyone get too close, I think.

But why?

Am I afraid?
Afraid of someone betraying me?
Afraid of someone knowing me?
Afraid of someone loving me?

Knowing me, I think not.
Loving me, I think not.
Betraying me, I think that’s the answer.

Change is constant.
It is something that I have learned to embrace.
Consistency has yet to make a favorable impression on me.
Everything changes.
It’s a part of nature.
It’s a part of life.

People change like days turn to night.
So I let people come in and out of my life,
Accepting them for the duration they stay,
And hoping they don’t overstay their welcome,
And that they leave behind
An impression more favorable than consistency.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Reality Bites

A week ago I had my world rocked by news that one of my childhood friends and his younger brother had been brutally murdered. It was news that I tried at first to deny, as my brother called me to alert me of a rumor in the old neighborhood. And while he was on the phone the cousin of the two brothers walked by and confirmed that the rumor was indeed true. I was in the house alone and the news slowly festered, boring a hole in my soul.

My mother was away at a wedding. My girlfriend is over 300 miles away. It was late and I didn't know what my best option was. I had already spoken to my brother. He was on the phone with my sister. So, I called my coworker and good friend. She gave me some kind words that helped me in my time at need. I later was able to reach my girlfriend. She stayed on the phone with me for awhile, because she is a sweetheart.

2xE gave me some kind words the next day as well. Almost as if she knew something was odd about my behavior, she sent me a side email just asking how I was doing. That's when I told her. My girlfriend also checked on me throughout the day.

It's funny that over the last few years this type of situation is all too familiar to me. I've had a childhood friend beaten to death by a police officer, I've had a cousin die as a result of a drunk driver, who walked six months later with a clean state--free to drive his BMW and mow down another unsuspecting pedestrian, and I've had these two deaths to deal with.

And the saddest part of all these ordeals is that my heart shields me each time, until I'm face to face with a corpse, or face to face with a headline, that breaks me down and my tough exterior. There are few stories carrying good news from the old neighborhood. I've kept my distance from it, but news travels faster than you can imagine from state to state, from neighborhood to neighborhood. It takes a bite out of my exterior each time, but like the comic book character Wolverine from the X-Men, my body/my mind heals itself each time. I'm not invincible. I'm quite vulnerable, but I posses a resilience, a sort of armor, that I learned to carry in the old neighborhood. I'll be happy if one day I can just stow it away.

Monday, September 11, 2006

The Tale of Two Finals

I had the wonderful opportunity to see both the U.S. Open Men's and Women's finals this past weekend. The trip to the women's final was compliments of my lovely lady friend--a birthday present for my 29th birthday--which was in August. I am such an obsessed tennis fan an I had been dying to take her to the open and even moped about when I thought she wouldn't be able to make it this year. Well she surpised me at a very swanky restaurant in the "City" with tickets for the finals. Now I tried beforehand to guess what she had up her sleeve. And she completely suprised me. She first hands me a New York mini-pillow that she made for me, a very sweet gesture, with all kinds of New York dangles, I'll call them for lack of a better word, on it. There's a big apple and one of the statue of liberty to name a few of the "dangles." And then there was a card that I had to read. Well I didn't quite know where it was going. Well the card said now ask me for what I'm holding behind my back. And if you haven't guess what it was by now you are probably slow. But that's okay, because if you are slow I hope you're good looking. Everyone can't be blessed with looks and brains. And if you have neither I know you're sticking up your middle finger now telling me go to hell, which my response to you would be try not to break any mirrors, LOL.

So Saturday was the gift realized. And me and my lady friend had a wonderful time, despite arriving a bit late. So Sharapova's grunts led us to the stadium. And as soon as we sat down that's when she started picking it up. I told my girlfriend it was her. So Maria went on to win the match. We had some fabulous margaritas complements of the bartender that hooked us up and was rewarded handsomely for it. We took a tour of the grounds and sat and drank the rest of our frozen margaritas and enjoyed each other's company.

Sunday was round two. And it was fun, but it certainly didn't have the flair of the women's final--which is in primetime. I did find that bartender again that hooked up my friends and I with some potent concoctions again, instantly recognized me. I think we all knew Roddick was going to lose eventually, but he gave it the good fight. My friend won tickets via an office raffle an invited me. I had such a nice time.

So it was a tale of two finals, one complements of my lady friend, and one by my friend that I've known since junior high--a lady friend, but not my lady friend aka girlfriend, lover, and all that good stuff.