Just a moment please

I'm sitting in my house right now listening to my Ipod, thank you Allison. The music is soothing me. Things have been a little chaotic in my life lately. I'm studying some concepts I haven't seen in over ten years. I'm actually loving it, though commiting myself to accounting for four hours instead of watching a movie or hanging out with friends is something that I have to get reacquainted with.

Despite everything that's been going on I had a wonderful breakthrough with my father. We had a conversation that I don't think I ever thought we would get around too. It required the two of us to check our egos at the door, and to have a ocnversation, realizing it might hurt both of us, but in the long run it would be better for us, and it was.

And guess what? He apologized. This is pretty much a first. Now if you knew the whole story he really owed it to me. I forgave him a long time ago, but it was nice to hear him actually discuss things that come up in my mind from time to time. He's actually seeing a therapist. He's a counselor at a drug rehabilitation center. So he gets to help people along their journey, and at the same time deal with some of his demons.

For the first time in awhile I will actually tell him I love him, and mean it. So I am taking a moment to say despite all the bad things that can handcuff you--remembering things like this can certainly help you cope. If you can't find one good thing in your life--you're not looking hard enough.

TTYL

Pet Nation

Americans spent more than 40 billion dollars on their pets last year. That's more than the GDP of all but 64 nations combined. The 40 billion dollars is more than what's spent on music, video games, and movies combined. Interesting since this consumption nation is obsessed with instant gratification and the thought that the resources spent on pets surpassed these three heavily targeted mediums really surprised me.

The amount spent per year has doubled in a little over a decade. Why? Empty nesters, singles without children, etc. More than anything I think people embrace pets in a different way than they did even a decade ago. Pets are seen as extensions of a family. They give unconditional love. We open up our wallets. It's an equal exchange.

Now some of the excessive behavior, in my opinion, is seeing people pay for their pets to have plastic surgery. Or spending more money on a pet than you give to charity. I understand these are personal choices, but is it more important for your dog to have esteem (faux testicles after they are neutered, neuticles at $900 a pop) or to give money to one of many charities. Again this is a personal choice. I don't own any pets. I can understand why someone might lavish their pets, which is not a problem in my eyes, as long as you're socially responsible as well.

30 Isn't So Bad

For those of you that don't know I turned 30 last Thursday. I certainly don't look 30 and I don't feel thirty (physically), but nevertheless I am. I feel blessed to have so many friends and such a wonderful family.

I had the best birthday party I've ever had this past weekend. It was a gathering of so many people from so many different parts of my life, a collage of friends and family if you will.

It made me feel loved and appreciated. I mean I don't normally get gifts for my birthday, which is fine by me. It means more for someone to spend time with me than to lavish me with gifts, I'm a simple guy. I did get so many thoughtgul gifts, that I was so touched. People took such an effort to express what our friendship/relationship meant to them. They picked things out that only meant something special to the two of us, or they just simply surprised me when I wasn't expecting anything at all.

In a way I'm the most humble I've ever been. I do remember taking in the moment, in between the drinking, dancing, and socializing, to say boy I'm blessed to have touched so many great people's lives and vice versa.

Thank you all for helping to make this birthday one that I will never forget.

A Little Rage Release

So Allison and I have been dating for over two years now. Things are progressing nicely. One constant annoyance has been people asking me when we are getting married. Now I know people don't mean anything by it, but it's been going on since we were dating three months, actually since before we became a couple.

There's no secret that we are in love and that we will be married. I know people are excited about the prospect of going to our wedding, which is wonderful. I'm just getting a little annoyed with constantly having to repeat myself. It will happen. It will happen at the right time, and I don't plan on telling anyone about it until post-engagement.

I mean the engagement is really the only thing that the guy truly has control over. Now if you want to fork over the thousands of dollars necessary for me to purchase the ring and then want to know all the ends and outs then I'm okay with it, LOL, though we know that's not going to happen. I want to enjoy our relationship, without the constant barrage.

I want to be with this woman for the rest of my life, there's no doubt about it. It will happen when it's meant to. It will be special and my loved ones and friends will hear all about it.

Then we'll be able to rest for five minutes before people try to dictate how our wedding should be. Once that's finished when we are having kids. I think our biggest mistake is not having a booklet printed out where we put down the exact details of every element of our lives and send it to everyone to meet their approval.

Okay I'm actually not in a bad mood, just a bit fed up with all of the questions.

Transformer Drama

Those of that live in the northeast are currently amidst a nasty heat wave. Last night I turned on my air conditioner, for the second night in a row. It's about 12 and hear a big boom in the backyard. It sounded like a transformer blew. The air temperature was still a sizzling 85 and the humidity was drifting ever upwards. Not exactly a good time to have power issues.

Half of my apartment was with power, the other without. The refrigerator was the one without. I tried to pretend like it would be alright. I convinced myself of this even through the fire engine sirens and the commotion outside. Everyone was playing amateur investigator.

My mother knocks on the door. That's when I had to deal with it. I heard her turning the circuit breaker off and on. She said the fridge wasn't working. I saw that the computer was still receiving power, same outlet mind you, but the fridge wasn't. I snapped at her to stop opening up the fridge, as I didn't want her to make all of the food spoil, knowing keeping the fridge insulated would preserve the food during a short power outage.

I unplugged the computer and plugged the fridge in, came right on. So the power was off in the back. My fan was on, cable was off, and my new HDTV weren't working. I just tried to convince myself that it wasn't shot.

Then the power shifted in about half an hour. All of my electronics were out. I got up switched the fridge to the original outlet. I basically didn't get to sleep until 3:30 when all the power was restored.

I kept the fan on. Con Edison makes me wonder how well they are going to handle the city's energy consumption. I rarely use my air conditioner. I don't keep it on high and I turn it down as soon as it cools the room, as I don't need to be in Siberia--just need to escape the Kalahari. Lets hope tonight is better. We won't get relief from the heat until Thursday.

I've probably consumed my weight in liquid. How can I be in a bad mood when I'll be in Costa Rica on Saturday? No way, LOL.

HDTV How Did I Live Without You

Okay so if you can't guess I recently purchased a LCD TV. It wasn't a reckless purchase either. My old television could've collected social security a few years ago. It finally went to that TV Junkyard in the sky.

And if you know me I cannot deal with not having a television for too long. Al was on her way to visit me. I had houseguests. So I let my MasterCard show me the way to a 27 inch Olivia TV. Now you know it had to give me drama. A bunch of the cable boxes died, never worked, or were somewhere in between. My mother traded one in, was here for a tech, I took one to be replaced, and then my mom waited for the other tech to come. I spent 82 bucks on cables, which I returned a few, after Cablevision supplied the audio and component cables.

I have to spring for an HDMI cable eventually. It's just nice to have something new, which I would have never bought if my old tv didn't have the foresight to commit suicide.

You've been replaced and you're not missed, LOL.

My Nephew Timothy Made My Day

My nephew is just about to turn 9. He was over my house for the last few days. He slept in my bed and I accidently woke him up as I tried to sneak off to work. He sleepily says to me uncle J I can't believe they make you go to work in the Summer. It really made me smile. I just said to him enjoy your childhood, LOL.

To see the world through a child's eyes, LOL.

The Meal to Die For

So it had been six long weeks since I'd seen Al. We've been trying to save for Costa Rica so it hasn't been economically feasible for us to do both, as the we will have a relaxing weekend usually ends in 200/300 dollar weekends easily. It got to the point where neither of us could take it anymore. Our next best prospect is for Joyce's wedding in a couple of weeks, which would have been two months, yikes.

Now Al had mentioned that she planned on making me dinner. She's a pretty good cook so I was looking forward to it. I'm sitting down watching the US Open routing for Tiger Woods--in vain--even dosed off while she was cooking the mystery meal.

She really pampered me.

Course 1: Toasted Italian Bread w/ Cheddar Cheese and Apple
Course 2: Tossed Salad with homemade raspberry vinaigrette and goat cheese served with a mango martini cocktail.
Course 3: Stuffed Cornish Hen w/ Wild Rice, Maple Glazed Carrots, and Green Beans served with a fantastic white wine.
Course 4: Chocolate Covered Strawberries with yet another wine selection
Course 5: Homemade Sorbet (which I never got around to--as I was quite full at this point and it needed some time in the fridge).

I'm cooking a little dinner my ass, LOL, this was a meal fit for a king. It was very unexpected, delicious, and showed me that she'll pull out all the stops for me.

Thanks again Chef!

The Prefontaine Classic

I watched the Prefontaine Classic, the last major meet before the United States Track and Field Championships in the next couple of weeks. Steve Prefontaine was one gutsy middle distance runner that tried to bring the United States back to the forefront of middle distance racing. He had a style where he pushed the pace and hoped to take the sting out of other runner's kicks.

Well the meet in Eugene, Oregon, is one of the finest track and field meets in the world. It will actually be the location for next year's Olympic Trials.

This time of year is so amazing to me. You have the NCAA athletes coming off of the NCAA Championships, usually having some of the fastest times in the world. You have the pros rounding into shape, some just starting their outdoor season, others running different events to either build speed or endurance.

You know what's funny is I didn't think about any of the athletes using performance enhancing drugs. The times weren't out of the ordinary. Some were quick, a few really slow. There were mostly a lot of close races. This included Lui Xang of China, the defending Olympic Champion at the 110 meter hurdles and world record holder (who nipped Anwar Moore at the tape), Xavier Carter nipping Wallace Spearmon at the tape in the 200 meters--both leaving World Record Holder Asafa Powell in their wake. You saw Allison Felix trying to work on her sprint speed after running a blistering 11.01 in New York (finishing third behind Veronica Campbell and this week's winner Tory Edwards).

You had so many people trying to round into form. It makes me once again optimistic that track and field can get clean again, and that the next generation of athletes can have their Olympic glory without being suspected of using performance enhancing drugs instead of training and god given talent.

Prison Issued Jumpsuit

I think the whole country has been caught up in the Paris Hilton drama, even if you didn't want to be. I guess the whole fiasco about her being let out of prison after a few days by a popularly elected sheriff has been quite the fuel for water cooler talk.

The whole situation has been a farce. You had people begging the Governor to give her a pardon. Then you had her getting a reduction in sentence for good behavior, I believe cutting the sentence from 45 days to 23 days--if she was well behaved. She was at the MTV Movie Awards and she was poised to go into prison. She even said let this be a lesson to people to follow the rules, tough inspirational talk.



Then after a few days a sudden health issue and then she's on house arrest. Give me a break. The reality is I don't know if she should even be in a prison. She's not a hardcore criminal. What I would've suggested is to put her in a prison issued jumpsuit and let her pickup trash off of the highway, paint houses in low income neighborhoods, or even help plant a community garden.

Her celebrity punishment should of been to do acts within a community that could benefit from the media displaying the deplorable conditions people live in. Then they could juxtapose that with the trivial things she surrounds herself with. All the jewelry, all of the cars, all of the excess, where some of her money could be going to great causes. I don't care if she threw big parties and donated money to charities or whatever.

Somehow I predict you'll have quite a few celebrities sentenced to prison in the next few years. However, they'll wear it like a badge of courage, after they get out of prison. Real people that have a record can't get jobs. Their consequences live with them for the rest of their lives. Celebrities have more lives than a cat.

So sorry you had a meltdown Paris, maybe you'll think about following the rules next time around.

Nightmare Night

Okay so last night there's pounding on my door at 12:30 in the morning. I can hear all the bells in my private apartment building ringing. I was in a deep sleep so I wasn't very responsive. Ultimately I did find out that there was a gas smell in the hallway. They were checking to make sure our ovens weren't on.

The smell wasn't in any of the apartments. The carbon-monoxide detector wasn't going off either. So I decided everything was okay. I turned to News 12 to get the local Brooklyn news, figuring maybe there was a leak somewhere in the neighborhood. I couldn't find anything. So I start to go back to sleep and then I hear this loud noise outside of my window.

I seriously thought a plane was on the verge of crashing, Rockaway Beach style. I was wondering if there was fuel leak or something along those lines. Then I realize that it was a surveillance helicopter. Well it sounded like more than one, and it sounded (based on the loudness) that the helicopters were really low.

Somehow I fall asleep. I later hear that not too far from me, though on the other side of the mystical tracks that divide my neighborhood from a not so good one, that there had been a shooting. Three teens were murdered as they sat on their stoop. Family members thought it was a case of mistaken identity. I suspect that it might have something to do with drugs.

As I walked to the train station this morning, about 10 minutes into my 15 minute trek, I see the police tape, about a block away. I knew it was close.

Anyway both of these events didn't leave me in the greatest mood, as anyone knows that has their sleep broken.

I'll leave you with something positive, however. It's 2 quote from my calendar, that I just noticed has quotes:

June: Life is a journey: In the end, each of us will be judged by our standard of life, not by our standard of living.

May: (WHICH I MIGHT GET MADE INTO A BOOKMARK) Attitude: A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive outcomes. It is a catalyst...a spark that creates extraordinary results

My attitude is that a positive result will be getting a full night's sleep tonight will make me an easier to deal with tomorrow morning, LOL.

Random Post
Today's post has absolutely no direction. I was trying to think of something clever or silly to say, but nothing has really come to mind as of yet. Perhaps something will come to mind.

For some reason I'm thinking of the Mona Lisa right now. It's reminding me of a conversation that I've had with several people, often who criticize several of their physical features. I tell them about the Mona Lisa, about it being a masterpiece. I tell them if you take each of the feature's apart there's truly nothing special about any of them. However, when you bring them all together you have a masterpiece. You're drawn to the character, as the sum of all the imperfections, truly creates something you can't take your eyes off of.



So many people are caught up in this world of conventional beauty that they forget it's often the unconventional features (traits) that make someone beautiful.



And if you don't believe me watch Angelina's True Life Story on E. She was never considered beautiful. Kids made fun of her, because of her lips.

This is obviously not a post about Angelina or the Mona Lisa. It's a call to realize that your unconventional features, your quirky ways, and your random insights that make you--you are--things to be cherished. Otherwise we'd have a world full of uninteresting or ordinary people. If you've seen American Beauty perhaps that line will remind you of the worse accustation made to Mia Sorvino's character, I think you're ordinary. It was her friend, the "freak," that was beautiful.

The Meme Response

Judy tagged me with having to participate in this phenomenon. Although I don't have others to tag (at the moment), I will not be the weak link, by not responding.

So, there you have it - now for the rules:

1: Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
2: People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own eight random things, and post these rules.
3: At the end of your post you need to tag eight people and include their names.
4: Don't forget to leave them a comment and tell them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Here are my eight random things:

1. I have been accused of not being black because I don't eat Macaroni and Cheese.
2. I was so tiny that during my first year in college I was asked to give blood, and I was afraid to because I was at the cusp of 110 lbs, LOL.
3. I have more female friends than male friends.
4. My bite is abnormally small. I have difficulties opening my mouth at the dentist office wide enough and biting down on a snorkel mouthpiece.
5. I am a kick-ass Spades player (slightly obsessed).
6. I was forced to take modern dance class in high school (the torture that they imposed on freshman boys). Bonus I had no rhythm until a little before the class.
7. I barbecued for the first time last year in Blue Hills, Maine. It looked good on the outside and required for me to go back outside in the pitch dark with the june bugs keeping me company.
8. I eat half the amount of fast food as I used to at the beginning of the year.

Okay these were about as random as I could get.

On Roller Coaster Days
Today was a good day for me. Emotionally I think I was happy, angry, and then happy again. I thanked my sister and brother for the sacrifices that they made that helped me to get to where I am currently at.

We were on the phone for about three hours today. We obviously have a strong connection, we were brought up in the same household, experiencing the same highs and lows. We carry the same tempers, and love of life. There's communal pain, happiness, and understanding.

Tonight's conversation was very much like a therapy session. We talked about things that we've suppressed for years. It wasn't a pity party. It was the feeling that it was okay to talk about what ever our subconscious decided it was ripe to speak of.

We all talked, probably for an hour each, interrupting each other at times, listening at times, counseling at times. At the very end of it we felt so good, as if some unknown force had been taken from our shoulders.

I realize that I'm a very strong individual at the core, very fragile in some places, but very strong for the most part, as are my siblings. We are a product of our environment. The tough skin is what allowed us to escape our surroundings. It's that edge and the ability to smell bullshit from a mile away that kept us safe.

It was a good conversation. I'm very thankful for my siblings. We may argue at times, what family doesn't, but at the end of the day I know they all have my back, and they'll come out swinging--as would I--if it were necessary.

Terrific Threesome

Ha, ha, that title certainly sounds dirty. If you're looking for a sex laced conversation, you are going to be quite disappointed to what you're about to read. This post is about me and two of my closest female friends. We all went to A. Philip Randolph H.S. Actually me and Maddie went to the same junior high as well, though we barely knew each other.

So basically Maddie and I became really close in the eleventh grade. Femi and Maddie were friends since the 9th grade. I ran across Femi's path quite a few times, but we didn't really get close until after we graduated from high school.

The three of us became such great friends. I actually had to miss Femi's graduation because of something at work. Luckily, I was able to meet her and her family for dinner afterwards, at Frankie and Johnny's in the Bronx.

The three of us are such a force. Femi just finished up her Masters. Maddie started her program this Fall, and I'll start the upcoming Fall semester. I remember us talking on Friday about how proud our teachers would be of the three of us. We are truly a strong support system. One of the most memorable parts of the evening was me telling Femi I was proud of her. She then said, "thank you Jammie." She thanked me yesterday for pushing her hard when she needed a gentle shove towards the end of her program. I told her you'd do the same for me, and I expect that she will.

There are good things ahead for all of us, and we've been able to maintain such close relationships, and catch the most important moments of each other's lives.

Reflections on Coming of Age in the 1980s

For those of you that don't know, thirty isn't exactly knocking on the door for me--as it is pounding. I wish I could say I was nervous about leaving my twenties, but I would be lying.

I grew up in a marginally bad area of Brooklyn in the 80s. When I was old enough to realize what was going on around me there was rampant crime, extremely high unemployment in the inner city, a terrible recession (because of Reaganomics--and the lack of the trickle), and the dawn of crack.

It's funny that despite the drugs and the crime there was still a community. There were black owned businesses, which seemed to have faded from existence, there were beat cops (back at the time when the coolest jobs were policemen, firemen, lawyers, doctors, and astronauts), and a very strong sense of community. I think the sense of community, which I believe has been loss, was out of necessity. You shared food, money, babysitting responsibilities. You gave up your last dime. You reprimanded kids on your block for misbehaving, and didn't have to deal with the fury of their parents. Crisis actually strengthened the community.

It makes me wonder if "prosperity" pulls it apart. It separates the middle-class from the working poor, the poor, and the affluent. It creates a since of jealousy, instead of giving others a sense of hope. Misery does love company, the same way that getting through miserable experiences usually takes being around people with similar collective experiences.

I am in a completely different place, from a financial standpoint, than when I grew up. As a kid I dreamed of making 48K and being an engineer or an architect (and sometimes a writer. That or a track star. I hoped that I would live past 25, due to the high percentages of black on black crime. I wanted to attend St. Johns or Syracuse University.

I was the small, talkative, observant child, with big dreams. In that since much hasn't changed.

I hope that if I continue to prosper, especially after getting my MBA, that I don't forget about where I came from. I intend to share my experiences, perhaps start some scholarship opportunities, and mentoring programs. It would be nice to know that we can all pull each other up, rather than seeing just a few escape the barrel.

Open Door Policy

I just read a really inspiring New York Times Article: Elite Colleges Open New Door to Low Income Youth

It chronicled a growing acknowledgment that providing opportunities to low income students to enter "selective" programs--which are typically dominated by more affluent individuals--provides excellent opportunities for social mobility for the working poor and poverty stricken.

This isn't the first article that I've read about traditional academic powerhouses, including Ivy League Schools, opening their doors to talented lower income students. However, it struck a bright chord with me because I've just finished reading Adrian Nicole LeBlanc's compelling non-fiction account of 2 Hispanic families in the Bronx during the rise of the drug epidemic during the late 80s and that continued to plague the 90s (Random Family).

The book realistically portrayed how it is to survive on meager incomes, in the worse neighborhoods in the country, with little support and/or guidance. The book was great yet bleak.

So coming off of reading the book, this article is exactly what I needed to read. I needed to feel that some do escape, that some can aspire to the American dream, instead of a life of frustration and poverty.

So reading this article was just what I needed. It really focused on something that I've said to people many times: socioeconomic factors can often be more powerful influences than age, sex, race, or sexual orientation. Seeing doors opened to give these kids the opportunities to pull themselves, and hopefully their families, from the same environments (breaking the cycle), is all that one can ask for.

I suppose this is the new Affirmative Action. I'm sure it will have it's share of critics as well. I hope that individuals like Mr. Jack will make people open their minds and that such programs become common place in this great country.

Chance Encounter

Some times you look for answers and life has a funny way of revealing them to you. As I mentioned in a previous post, I have mild anxiety about starting my graduate program. It's mostly from uncertainty.

Well on my way from work I ran into a guy that was in my shoes a few years ago. Ironically, I inspired him to open up his own business a few years ago. We all went to my coworker and friends wedding in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico a few years ago. He was unhappy at work, as all of his coworkers were fired and he was the lone man left standing. He was making millions of dollars for his company, so they kept an entire office in New Jersey open just for him.

I knew that he'd gone to get his MBA at NYU and that he wasn't making the type of money that his intelligence should've demanded, and that leaving the company would easy his anxiety about getting fired. So we talked during the wedding vacation and I inspired him to leave his job and to start up his own business.

Today I left work frustrated, because I'd stayed late and still hadn't finished what I wanted to do, thanks to a rogue firewall. I had to leave. Well I ran into Mr. Inspiration. He was in a business suit and looked so happy. I told him that I'd got into graduate school. He shook my hand and asked where. I told him Babson and about the great people that I'd have the chance to learn from (true industry juggernauts).

He stops and goes that's the number one program in the country for entrepreneurship. Then I thought to myself you're in the number one program in the country, relax, and take in all that it has to offer.

I eased his anxiety and in turn he eased mine. Talk about pay it forward.

This is an impromptu poem. It's not as much about me be frustrated today, but about me knowing who I am, and not being afraid to express it. It's about me finding the balance between what decision best fits me and what best fits others around me.

Some Days

Some days lifting my head above it all seems impossible,
I do it out of habit, not necessarily out of choice.
Instinct drives me towards greatness,
Insecurity some times towards mediocrity.

Some days opening my eyes seems pointless,
I do it out of habit, not necessarily out of choice.
My body tells me that I'm tired and need more sleep,
My mind tells me you can't afford to lose your job.

Some days listening is not one of my best assets,
I do it out of habit, not necessarily out of choice.
Closing down will only make me more vulnerable,
while taking it all in might lead to suffocation.

Some days opening my mouth is fruitless,
I do it out of habit, not necessarily out of choice.
Some things should be thought and not expressed,
others demand their place.

Higher Education

Let me start by telling those of you that don't know--I will begin my graduate program in the Fall. I'm equally excited about the program as I'm anxious. The anxiety isn't about academic performance, it's just about being back in school for the first time in 7 years. I think that's pretty normal.

It's not the first time that I will have worked and gone to school. I worked full-time during my last year as an undergrad and carried 15 credits per semester. It was draining, yet fulfilling. I got through by telling myself that what was around the corner was worth the blood, the sweat, and the tears. Thankfully, the classes that I took were either in my major or played up to my analytical abilities. I carried a 3.8 average my last semester, I'm sure the semester before was barely lower. I saw the finish line and I didn't allow myself to stumble.

It's funny that my grades were the highest that they were in college when my back was against the wall, the first semester in college (a lot of family drama) and my final semester. I think that my brain had one thing to concentrate on and used school to filter out everything that was going on around me.

All of this is reminding me of a conversation Al and I had about me being a psychotic runner. I told her that even when we did the President's Physical Fitness Challenge in school I had to be first or second. I beat out people that were bigger, faster, and stronger than I was. I did it by staying out front. I never looked back. You were going to catch me, I wasn't going to fade. What I had more than anything was an unbelievable confidence in myself.

I never lost it. I might have had questions at different points along the way, but I've never lost that mentality. I'm going into an MBA program. I'm going to be competing/learning from industry juggernauts. I can't sit in the back. I need to take advantage of every opportunity that the program affords me.

I'm happy that I have such a strong base. I looked at my acceptance pamphlet and see that I can skip the prerequisites, thank you Baruch.

I say this all to say if I expect to be an executive I have to be used to being out front. I think I'm capable and only time will tell if I reach the pinnacle of my potential. I pledge to you today that I will not disappoint. I have no choice. It's up to you to make your dreams come true, unless nepotism is a viable option or some good connections. So it's all on me, success or failure, and that's alright with me.

Wish me well!