Pieces of my Soul

2010-11-21T13:22:00.002-05:00

Long Walks on Angry Days

I am ashamed that I haven't been posting on a regular basis. I miss the therapeutic aspect of choosing a topic and pouring out my soul.

Today hasn't been the most relaxing day of my life. A trip to the laundromat always tends to suck -- who gets off on sorting, washing, drying, and folding after all? I must admit that I'm a creature of habit. I've only washed clothes a few times here in MA, but I can say the experience is a tad bit better than in that major metropolis where my roots lie.

I went for a nice walk between cycles and tried to not let the issue that has been eating away for me heavily the past few weeks (even invading my sleep) bubble to the top of my consciousness. Well it failed.

The more I walked -- the more I had time to understand what was bothering me. I tend to be a rather patient person (I used to listen to customers gripe about our products for over ten years after all). On the other hand, avoidance is not one of my best attributes. If I'm upset the issue keeps cycling back and forth until it bubbles to the top -- and then an explosion is likely the result.

I walked pass the town border and enjoyed letting my brain stand up for why I was upset and making a decision to confront the perpetrator. The difficulty in this task is the person is actually a "good guy" at heart -- but a pain in the ass in actuality. Rules...passive aggressiveness...clear indications of wanting to engage in a pissing contest...are amongst the charges. Then again the person can be nice, caring, helpful...

The conclusion that I came to is that's actually the personality of an abusive personality (no fist a cuffs -- no worries). Classic nasty actions followed by behavior that almost makes the person thinks they are crazy (said kindness).

I need to nip it in the bud soon otherwise my not so nice temper will flair and the individual will see my other darker side!

2008-12-09T21:11:00.003-05:00

Incessant Ramblings

So for those of you that don't know I love listening to sermons from Joel Osteen. I would have never imagined myself as a tele-church parishioner but life has certainly gravitated me in that direction. One of my closest friends reminds me of the days when I was young where I traveled with a bible in toe, the Daily News, and the filthiest mouth that one could ever imagine. It was okay because in many ways this contradiction epitomized who I was--way too intelligent to read a tabloid, extremely curious about religion--especially coming to an understanding based on a personal relationship rather than having one forced on to me, and yet a tongue as sharp as a scorpion--Napoleon complex meets growing up in not the kindest neighborhoods.

That seems so foreign to me now, perhaps ten years later. Much more certain at life, three decades in the making, much certain of self, three decades in the making, with a BusinessWeek and bible still in toe and a Managing Global Economy text--still a contradiction of sorts...a lot of lessons learned and still eager to sip from life's Kool Aid.

I love stream of consciousness because I love to be unconfined living life as freely as I think, not unbound, but still free to be me.

2008-12-09T21:06:00.003-05:00

Inspiration comes in strange bursts. I had no intentions of writing today, but a text message took me to a site of young artists eager to leave an impression on the world.

Passion Filleted

Waves meet the shore,
Like a distant relative,
Uncertain to the touch,
And ambivalent in its embrace.

Oh cruel joke,
Parted by tide.
Driven further away,
On a moonlit night.

Don’t forget me,
Carried away,
Slave to memory,
Passion filleted.

2008-10-07T20:43:00.005-04:00

Speak Soft and Carry a Weapon of Mass Destruction

I'm back! For some reason the title of this post has been in my head all day. Perhaps my mind is going back in history to the days of Teddy Roosevelt where speak soft and carry a big stick was sound advice. Unfortunately the landscape of the world has moved at lightning speed where a stick wouldn't even win you a street fight. A fourth grader might be packing after all!

It is funny to look at the United States at the turn of the 20th century just beginning its imperialist pursuit. Fast forward over a 100 years and North Korea, Iran, Russia, and China are not afraid to call the United State's bluff. There was even talk during the VP debate of a league of democratic nations. What's going to happen every time a member is disagreeable you start a new organization? Get a grip. Diplomacy is about actually going to the table. Knowing when to speak softly and when to raise your voice is a powerful skill set to have at your disposal.

I for one have always respected those that can get their points across sternly without yelling, see an African-American mother's eye glare in the dictionary. Speak softly and carry an African-American mom to the table, LOL. When I'm a CEO I'll remember to keep that one in my bag of tricks. Off to watch the debate!

2007-10-13T10:45:00.000-04:00

Oh Blog Where Art Thou?

It's been awhile since my last post, almost two months. I realize how much I miss it. I have to make time to put up something, even if it is just a few thoughts. I'll have to put a twice a week minimum posting requirement for myself.

Since my last post I bought a Honda Civic EX which I love! It's so fuel efficient. It has good interior space and did I mention I just love it. It's actually my first car. I had people question my decision to buy a new car, but at the end of the day it was my decision. I did what worked best for me, so the doubters can doubt, but when I am getting 38 mpg driving up to Massachusetts I kind of laugh, or when I can drive to the nicer supermarket to get groceries, or when I don't have to worry about my car breaking down on me on that aforementioned 250 mile trip up near Boston.

I received my promotion at work. I am no longer handling any network support. I get to concentrate on the electronic side of the company, which is my love. I have my first direct report and more on the way. It's pretty cool combined with the fact that I started my MBA program last week. I had orientation and it was amazing. Babson is an amazing college, and the program that I'm in, Fast Track, is a wonderful opportunity for me to increase my knowledge base and open up my mind to different ways of thinking. The promotion actually gives me more of a vehicle/voice to start implementing or to try to implement what I'm learning.

My classmates are amazing. The program is really pushing us to be innovative. This is great for me, because I generally have a lot of ideas. I am finding better ways to make suggestions and to find ways to get around organizational obstacles.

I'm back and hopefully you'll never have this much of a break in seeing a post from me. I hope all is well! Now I have to get ready to do some work for school and for my job. TTYL

2007-08-20T18:53:00.000-04:00

Just a moment please

I'm sitting in my house right now listening to my Ipod, thank you Allison. The music is soothing me. Things have been a little chaotic in my life lately. I'm studying some concepts I haven't seen in over ten years. I'm actually loving it, though commiting myself to accounting for four hours instead of watching a movie or hanging out with friends is something that I have to get reacquainted with.

Despite everything that's been going on I had a wonderful breakthrough with my father. We had a conversation that I don't think I ever thought we would get around too. It required the two of us to check our egos at the door, and to have a ocnversation, realizing it might hurt both of us, but in the long run it would be better for us, and it was.

And guess what? He apologized. This is pretty much a first. Now if you knew the whole story he really owed it to me. I forgave him a long time ago, but it was nice to hear him actually discuss things that come up in my mind from time to time. He's actually seeing a therapist. He's a counselor at a drug rehabilitation center. So he gets to help people along their journey, and at the same time deal with some of his demons.

For the first time in awhile I will actually tell him I love him, and mean it. So I am taking a moment to say despite all the bad things that can handcuff you--remembering things like this can certainly help you cope. If you can't find one good thing in your life--you're not looking hard enough.

TTYL

2007-08-08T21:42:00.000-04:00

Pet Nation

Americans spent more than 40 billion dollars on their pets last year. That's more than the GDP of all but 64 nations combined. The 40 billion dollars is more than what's spent on music, video games, and movies combined. Interesting since this consumption nation is obsessed with instant gratification and the thought that the resources spent on pets surpassed these three heavily targeted mediums really surprised me.

The amount spent per year has doubled in a little over a decade. Why? Empty nesters, singles without children, etc. More than anything I think people embrace pets in a different way than they did even a decade ago. Pets are seen as extensions of a family. They give unconditional love. We open up our wallets. It's an equal exchange.

Now some of the excessive behavior, in my opinion, is seeing people pay for their pets to have plastic surgery. Or spending more money on a pet than you give to charity. I understand these are personal choices, but is it more important for your dog to have esteem (faux testicles after they are neutered, neuticles at $900 a pop) or to give money to one of many charities. Again this is a personal choice. I don't own any pets. I can understand why someone might lavish their pets, which is not a problem in my eyes, as long as you're socially responsible as well.

2007-08-07T22:20:00.000-04:00

30 Isn't So Bad

For those of you that don't know I turned 30 last Thursday. I certainly don't look 30 and I don't feel thirty (physically), but nevertheless I am. I feel blessed to have so many friends and such a wonderful family.

I had the best birthday party I've ever had this past weekend. It was a gathering of so many people from so many different parts of my life, a collage of friends and family if you will.

It made me feel loved and appreciated. I mean I don't normally get gifts for my birthday, which is fine by me. It means more for someone to spend time with me than to lavish me with gifts, I'm a simple guy. I did get so many thoughtgul gifts, that I was so touched. People took such an effort to express what our friendship/relationship meant to them. They picked things out that only meant something special to the two of us, or they just simply surprised me when I wasn't expecting anything at all.

In a way I'm the most humble I've ever been. I do remember taking in the moment, in between the drinking, dancing, and socializing, to say boy I'm blessed to have touched so many great people's lives and vice versa.

Thank you all for helping to make this birthday one that I will never forget.

2007-07-30T13:50:00.000-04:00

A Little Rage Release

So Allison and I have been dating for over two years now. Things are progressing nicely. One constant annoyance has been people asking me when we are getting married. Now I know people don't mean anything by it, but it's been going on since we were dating three months, actually since before we became a couple.

There's no secret that we are in love and that we will be married. I know people are excited about the prospect of going to our wedding, which is wonderful. I'm just getting a little annoyed with constantly having to repeat myself. It will happen. It will happen at the right time, and I don't plan on telling anyone about it until post-engagement.

I mean the engagement is really the only thing that the guy truly has control over. Now if you want to fork over the thousands of dollars necessary for me to purchase the ring and then want to know all the ends and outs then I'm okay with it, LOL, though we know that's not going to happen. I want to enjoy our relationship, without the constant barrage.

I want to be with this woman for the rest of my life, there's no doubt about it. It will happen when it's meant to. It will be special and my loved ones and friends will hear all about it.

Then we'll be able to rest for five minutes before people try to dictate how our wedding should be. Once that's finished when we are having kids. I think our biggest mistake is not having a booklet printed out where we put down the exact details of every element of our lives and send it to everyone to meet their approval.

Okay I'm actually not in a bad mood, just a bit fed up with all of the questions.

2007-07-10T20:11:00.000-04:00

Transformer Drama

Those of that live in the northeast are currently amidst a nasty heat wave. Last night I turned on my air conditioner, for the second night in a row. It's about 12 and hear a big boom in the backyard. It sounded like a transformer blew. The air temperature was still a sizzling 85 and the humidity was drifting ever upwards. Not exactly a good time to have power issues.

Half of my apartment was with power, the other without. The refrigerator was the one without. I tried to pretend like it would be alright. I convinced myself of this even through the fire engine sirens and the commotion outside. Everyone was playing amateur investigator.

My mother knocks on the door. That's when I had to deal with it. I heard her turning the circuit breaker off and on. She said the fridge wasn't working. I saw that the computer was still receiving power, same outlet mind you, but the fridge wasn't. I snapped at her to stop opening up the fridge, as I didn't want her to make all of the food spoil, knowing keeping the fridge insulated would preserve the food during a short power outage.

I unplugged the computer and plugged the fridge in, came right on. So the power was off in the back. My fan was on, cable was off, and my new HDTV weren't working. I just tried to convince myself that it wasn't shot.

Then the power shifted in about half an hour. All of my electronics were out. I got up switched the fridge to the original outlet. I basically didn't get to sleep until 3:30 when all the power was restored.

I kept the fan on. Con Edison makes me wonder how well they are going to handle the city's energy consumption. I rarely use my air conditioner. I don't keep it on high and I turn it down as soon as it cools the room, as I don't need to be in Siberia--just need to escape the Kalahari. Lets hope tonight is better. We won't get relief from the heat until Thursday.

I've probably consumed my weight in liquid. How can I be in a bad mood when I'll be in Costa Rica on Saturday? No way, LOL.

2007-07-09T22:20:00.000-04:00

HDTV How Did I Live Without You

Okay so if you can't guess I recently purchased a LCD TV. It wasn't a reckless purchase either. My old television could've collected social security a few years ago. It finally went to that TV Junkyard in the sky.

And if you know me I cannot deal with not having a television for too long. Al was on her way to visit me. I had houseguests. So I let my MasterCard show me the way to a 27 inch Olivia TV. Now you know it had to give me drama. A bunch of the cable boxes died, never worked, or were somewhere in between. My mother traded one in, was here for a tech, I took one to be replaced, and then my mom waited for the other tech to come. I spent 82 bucks on cables, which I returned a few, after Cablevision supplied the audio and component cables.

I have to spring for an HDMI cable eventually. It's just nice to have something new, which I would have never bought if my old tv didn't have the foresight to commit suicide.

You've been replaced and you're not missed, LOL.

2007-07-05T19:17:00.000-04:00

My Nephew Timothy Made My Day

My nephew is just about to turn 9. He was over my house for the last few days. He slept in my bed and I accidently woke him up as I tried to sneak off to work. He sleepily says to me uncle J I can't believe they make you go to work in the Summer. It really made me smile. I just said to him enjoy your childhood, LOL.

To see the world through a child's eyes, LOL.

2007-06-19T21:39:00.000-04:00

The Meal to Die For

So it had been six long weeks since I'd seen Al. We've been trying to save for Costa Rica so it hasn't been economically feasible for us to do both, as the we will have a relaxing weekend usually ends in 200/300 dollar weekends easily. It got to the point where neither of us could take it anymore. Our next best prospect is for Joyce's wedding in a couple of weeks, which would have been two months, yikes.

Now Al had mentioned that she planned on making me dinner. She's a pretty good cook so I was looking forward to it. I'm sitting down watching the US Open routing for Tiger Woods--in vain--even dosed off while she was cooking the mystery meal.

She really pampered me.

Course 1: Toasted Italian Bread w/ Cheddar Cheese and Apple
Course 2: Tossed Salad with homemade raspberry vinaigrette and goat cheese served with a mango martini cocktail.
Course 3: Stuffed Cornish Hen w/ Wild Rice, Maple Glazed Carrots, and Green Beans served with a fantastic white wine.
Course 4: Chocolate Covered Strawberries with yet another wine selection
Course 5: Homemade Sorbet (which I never got around to--as I was quite full at this point and it needed some time in the fridge).

I'm cooking a little dinner my ass, LOL, this was a meal fit for a king. It was very unexpected, delicious, and showed me that she'll pull out all the stops for me.

Thanks again Chef!

2007-06-10T21:34:00.000-04:00

The Prefontaine Classic

I watched the Prefontaine Classic, the last major meet before the United States Track and Field Championships in the next couple of weeks. Steve Prefontaine was one gutsy middle distance runner that tried to bring the United States back to the forefront of middle distance racing. He had a style where he pushed the pace and hoped to take the sting out of other runner's kicks.

Well the meet in Eugene, Oregon, is one of the finest track and field meets in the world. It will actually be the location for next year's Olympic Trials.

This time of year is so amazing to me. You have the NCAA athletes coming off of the NCAA Championships, usually having some of the fastest times in the world. You have the pros rounding into shape, some just starting their outdoor season, others running different events to either build speed or endurance.

You know what's funny is I didn't think about any of the athletes using performance enhancing drugs. The times weren't out of the ordinary. Some were quick, a few really slow. There were mostly a lot of close races. This included Lui Xang of China, the defending Olympic Champion at the 110 meter hurdles and world record holder (who nipped Anwar Moore at the tape), Xavier Carter nipping Wallace Spearmon at the tape in the 200 meters--both leaving World Record Holder Asafa Powell in their wake. You saw Allison Felix trying to work on her sprint speed after running a blistering 11.01 in New York (finishing third behind Veronica Campbell and this week's winner Tory Edwards).

You had so many people trying to round into form. It makes me once again optimistic that track and field can get clean again, and that the next generation of athletes can have their Olympic glory without being suspected of using performance enhancing drugs instead of training and god given talent.

2007-06-09T10:16:00.000-04:00

Prison Issued Jumpsuit

I think the whole country has been caught up in the Paris Hilton drama, even if you didn't want to be. I guess the whole fiasco about her being let out of prison after a few days by a popularly elected sheriff has been quite the fuel for water cooler talk.

The whole situation has been a farce. You had people begging the Governor to give her a pardon. Then you had her getting a reduction in sentence for good behavior, I believe cutting the sentence from 45 days to 23 days--if she was well behaved. She was at the MTV Movie Awards and she was poised to go into prison. She even said let this be a lesson to people to follow the rules, tough inspirational talk.

Then after a few days a sudden health issue and then she's on house arrest. Give me a break. The reality is I don't know if she should even be in a prison. She's not a hardcore criminal. What I would've suggested is to put her in a prison issued jumpsuit and let her pickup trash off of the highway, paint houses in low income neighborhoods, or even help plant a community garden.

Her celebrity punishment should of been to do acts within a community that could benefit from the media displaying the deplorable conditions people live in. Then they could juxtapose that with the trivial things she surrounds herself with. All the jewelry, all of the cars, all of the excess, where some of her money could be going to great causes. I don't care if she threw big parties and donated money to charities or whatever.

Somehow I predict you'll have quite a few celebrities sentenced to prison in the next few years. However, they'll wear it like a badge of courage, after they get out of prison. Real people that have a record can't get jobs. Their consequences live with them for the rest of their lives. Celebrities have more lives than a cat.

So sorry you had a meltdown Paris, maybe you'll think about following the rules next time around.

2007-06-07T12:52:00.001-04:00

Nightmare Night

Okay so last night there's pounding on my door at 12:30 in the morning. I can hear all the bells in my private apartment building ringing. I was in a deep sleep so I wasn't very responsive. Ultimately I did find out that there was a gas smell in the hallway. They were checking to make sure our ovens weren't on.

The smell wasn't in any of the apartments. The carbon-monoxide detector wasn't going off either. So I decided everything was okay. I turned to News 12 to get the local Brooklyn news, figuring maybe there was a leak somewhere in the neighborhood. I couldn't find anything. So I start to go back to sleep and then I hear this loud noise outside of my window.

I seriously thought a plane was on the verge of crashing, Rockaway Beach style. I was wondering if there was fuel leak or something along those lines. Then I realize that it was a surveillance helicopter. Well it sounded like more than one, and it sounded (based on the loudness) that the helicopters were really low.

Somehow I fall asleep. I later hear that not too far from me, though on the other side of the mystical tracks that divide my neighborhood from a not so good one, that there had been a shooting. Three teens were murdered as they sat on their stoop. Family members thought it was a case of mistaken identity. I suspect that it might have something to do with drugs.

As I walked to the train station this morning, about 10 minutes into my 15 minute trek, I see the police tape, about a block away. I knew it was close.

Anyway both of these events didn't leave me in the greatest mood, as anyone knows that has their sleep broken.

I'll leave you with something positive, however. It's 2 quote from my calendar, that I just noticed has quotes:

June: Life is a journey: In the end, each of us will be judged by our standard of life, not by our standard of living.

May: (WHICH I MIGHT GET MADE INTO A BOOKMARK) Attitude: A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive outcomes. It is a catalyst...a spark that creates extraordinary results

My attitude is that a positive result will be getting a full night's sleep tonight will make me an easier to deal with tomorrow morning, LOL.

2007-06-06T19:32:00.000-04:00

Random Post
Today's post has absolutely no direction. I was trying to think of something clever or silly to say, but nothing has really come to mind as of yet. Perhaps something will come to mind.

For some reason I'm thinking of the Mona Lisa right now. It's reminding me of a conversation that I've had with several people, often who criticize several of their physical features. I tell them about the Mona Lisa, about it being a masterpiece. I tell them if you take each of the feature's apart there's truly nothing special about any of them. However, when you bring them all together you have a masterpiece. You're drawn to the character, as the sum of all the imperfections, truly creates something you can't take your eyes off of.

So many people are caught up in this world of conventional beauty that they forget it's often the unconventional features (traits) that make someone beautiful.

And if you don't believe me watch Angelina's True Life Story on E. She was never considered beautiful. Kids made fun of her, because of her lips.

This is obviously not a post about Angelina or the Mona Lisa. It's a call to realize that your unconventional features, your quirky ways, and your random insights that make you--you are--things to be cherished. Otherwise we'd have a world full of uninteresting or ordinary people. If you've seen American Beauty perhaps that line will remind you of the worse accustation made to Mia Sorvino's character, I think you're ordinary. It was her friend, the "freak," that was beautiful.

2007-06-05T19:58:00.000-04:00

The Meme Response

Judy tagged me with having to participate in this phenomenon. Although I don't have others to tag (at the moment), I will not be the weak link, by not responding.

So, there you have it - now for the rules:

1: Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
2: People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own eight random things, and post these rules.
3: At the end of your post you need to tag eight people and include their names.
4: Don't forget to leave them a comment and tell them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Here are my eight random things:

1. I have been accused of not being black because I don't eat Macaroni and Cheese.
2. I was so tiny that during my first year in college I was asked to give blood, and I was afraid to because I was at the cusp of 110 lbs, LOL.
3. I have more female friends than male friends.
4. My bite is abnormally small. I have difficulties opening my mouth at the dentist office wide enough and biting down on a snorkel mouthpiece.
5. I am a kick-ass Spades player (slightly obsessed).
6. I was forced to take modern dance class in high school (the torture that they imposed on freshman boys). Bonus I had no rhythm until a little before the class.
7. I barbecued for the first time last year in Blue Hills, Maine. It looked good on the outside and required for me to go back outside in the pitch dark with the june bugs keeping me company.
8. I eat half the amount of fast food as I used to at the beginning of the year.

Okay these were about as random as I could get.

2007-06-04T22:07:00.000-04:00

On Roller Coaster Days
Today was a good day for me. Emotionally I think I was happy, angry, and then happy again. I thanked my sister and brother for the sacrifices that they made that helped me to get to where I am currently at.

We were on the phone for about three hours today. We obviously have a strong connection, we were brought up in the same household, experiencing the same highs and lows. We carry the same tempers, and love of life. There's communal pain, happiness, and understanding.

Tonight's conversation was very much like a therapy session. We talked about things that we've suppressed for years. It wasn't a pity party. It was the feeling that it was okay to talk about what ever our subconscious decided it was ripe to speak of.

We all talked, probably for an hour each, interrupting each other at times, listening at times, counseling at times. At the very end of it we felt so good, as if some unknown force had been taken from our shoulders.

I realize that I'm a very strong individual at the core, very fragile in some places, but very strong for the most part, as are my siblings. We are a product of our environment. The tough skin is what allowed us to escape our surroundings. It's that edge and the ability to smell bullshit from a mile away that kept us safe.

It was a good conversation. I'm very thankful for my siblings. We may argue at times, what family doesn't, but at the end of the day I know they all have my back, and they'll come out swinging--as would I--if it were necessary.

2007-06-03T21:14:00.000-04:00

Terrific Threesome

Ha, ha, that title certainly sounds dirty. If you're looking for a sex laced conversation, you are going to be quite disappointed to what you're about to read. This post is about me and two of my closest female friends. We all went to A. Philip Randolph H.S. Actually me and Maddie went to the same junior high as well, though we barely knew each other.

So basically Maddie and I became really close in the eleventh grade. Femi and Maddie were friends since the 9th grade. I ran across Femi's path quite a few times, but we didn't really get close until after we graduated from high school.

The three of us became such great friends. I actually had to miss Femi's graduation because of something at work. Luckily, I was able to meet her and her family for dinner afterwards, at Frankie and Johnny's in the Bronx.

The three of us are such a force. Femi just finished up her Masters. Maddie started her program this Fall, and I'll start the upcoming Fall semester. I remember us talking on Friday about how proud our teachers would be of the three of us. We are truly a strong support system. One of the most memorable parts of the evening was me telling Femi I was proud of her. She then said, "thank you Jammie." She thanked me yesterday for pushing her hard when she needed a gentle shove towards the end of her program. I told her you'd do the same for me, and I expect that she will.

There are good things ahead for all of us, and we've been able to maintain such close relationships, and catch the most important moments of each other's lives.

2007-05-31T22:15:00.000-04:00

Reflections on Coming of Age in the 1980s

For those of you that don't know, thirty isn't exactly knocking on the door for me--as it is pounding. I wish I could say I was nervous about leaving my twenties, but I would be lying.

I grew up in a marginally bad area of Brooklyn in the 80s. When I was old enough to realize what was going on around me there was rampant crime, extremely high unemployment in the inner city, a terrible recession (because of Reaganomics--and the lack of the trickle), and the dawn of crack.

It's funny that despite the drugs and the crime there was still a community. There were black owned businesses, which seemed to have faded from existence, there were beat cops (back at the time when the coolest jobs were policemen, firemen, lawyers, doctors, and astronauts), and a very strong sense of community. I think the sense of community, which I believe has been loss, was out of necessity. You shared food, money, babysitting responsibilities. You gave up your last dime. You reprimanded kids on your block for misbehaving, and didn't have to deal with the fury of their parents. Crisis actually strengthened the community.

It makes me wonder if "prosperity" pulls it apart. It separates the middle-class from the working poor, the poor, and the affluent. It creates a since of jealousy, instead of giving others a sense of hope. Misery does love company, the same way that getting through miserable experiences usually takes being around people with similar collective experiences.

I am in a completely different place, from a financial standpoint, than when I grew up. As a kid I dreamed of making 48K and being an engineer or an architect (and sometimes a writer. That or a track star. I hoped that I would live past 25, due to the high percentages of black on black crime. I wanted to attend St. Johns or Syracuse University.

I was the small, talkative, observant child, with big dreams. In that since much hasn't changed.

I hope that if I continue to prosper, especially after getting my MBA, that I don't forget about where I came from. I intend to share my experiences, perhaps start some scholarship opportunities, and mentoring programs. It would be nice to know that we can all pull each other up, rather than seeing just a few escape the barrel.

2007-05-27T21:33:00.000-04:00

Open Door Policy

I just read a really inspiring New York Times Article: Elite Colleges Open New Door to Low Income Youth

It chronicled a growing acknowledgment that providing opportunities to low income students to enter "selective" programs--which are typically dominated by more affluent individuals--provides excellent opportunities for social mobility for the working poor and poverty stricken.

This isn't the first article that I've read about traditional academic powerhouses, including Ivy League Schools, opening their doors to talented lower income students. However, it struck a bright chord with me because I've just finished reading Adrian Nicole LeBlanc's compelling non-fiction account of 2 Hispanic families in the Bronx during the rise of the drug epidemic during the late 80s and that continued to plague the 90s (Random Family).

The book realistically portrayed how it is to survive on meager incomes, in the worse neighborhoods in the country, with little support and/or guidance. The book was great yet bleak.

So coming off of reading the book, this article is exactly what I needed to read. I needed to feel that some do escape, that some can aspire to the American dream, instead of a life of frustration and poverty.

So reading this article was just what I needed. It really focused on something that I've said to people many times: socioeconomic factors can often be more powerful influences than age, sex, race, or sexual orientation. Seeing doors opened to give these kids the opportunities to pull themselves, and hopefully their families, from the same environments (breaking the cycle), is all that one can ask for.

I suppose this is the new Affirmative Action. I'm sure it will have it's share of critics as well. I hope that individuals like Mr. Jack will make people open their minds and that such programs become common place in this great country.

2007-05-23T22:35:00.000-04:00

Chance Encounter

Some times you look for answers and life has a funny way of revealing them to you. As I mentioned in a previous post, I have mild anxiety about starting my graduate program. It's mostly from uncertainty.

Well on my way from work I ran into a guy that was in my shoes a few years ago. Ironically, I inspired him to open up his own business a few years ago. We all went to my coworker and friends wedding in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico a few years ago. He was unhappy at work, as all of his coworkers were fired and he was the lone man left standing. He was making millions of dollars for his company, so they kept an entire office in New Jersey open just for him.

I knew that he'd gone to get his MBA at NYU and that he wasn't making the type of money that his intelligence should've demanded, and that leaving the company would easy his anxiety about getting fired. So we talked during the wedding vacation and I inspired him to leave his job and to start up his own business.

Today I left work frustrated, because I'd stayed late and still hadn't finished what I wanted to do, thanks to a rogue firewall. I had to leave. Well I ran into Mr. Inspiration. He was in a business suit and looked so happy. I told him that I'd got into graduate school. He shook my hand and asked where. I told him Babson and about the great people that I'd have the chance to learn from (true industry juggernauts).

He stops and goes that's the number one program in the country for entrepreneurship. Then I thought to myself you're in the number one program in the country, relax, and take in all that it has to offer.

I eased his anxiety and in turn he eased mine. Talk about pay it forward.

2007-05-22T16:29:00.000-04:00

This is an impromptu poem. It's not as much about me be frustrated today, but about me knowing who I am, and not being afraid to express it. It's about me finding the balance between what decision best fits me and what best fits others around me.

Some Days

Some days lifting my head above it all seems impossible,
I do it out of habit, not necessarily out of choice.
Instinct drives me towards greatness,
Insecurity some times towards mediocrity.

Some days opening my eyes seems pointless,
I do it out of habit, not necessarily out of choice.
My body tells me that I'm tired and need more sleep,
My mind tells me you can't afford to lose your job.

Some days listening is not one of my best assets,
I do it out of habit, not necessarily out of choice.
Closing down will only make me more vulnerable,
while taking it all in might lead to suffocation.

Some days opening my mouth is fruitless,
I do it out of habit, not necessarily out of choice.
Some things should be thought and not expressed,
others demand their place.

2007-05-21T19:40:00.000-04:00

Higher Education

Let me start by telling those of you that don't know--I will begin my graduate program in the Fall. I'm equally excited about the program as I'm anxious. The anxiety isn't about academic performance, it's just about being back in school for the first time in 7 years. I think that's pretty normal.

It's not the first time that I will have worked and gone to school. I worked full-time during my last year as an undergrad and carried 15 credits per semester. It was draining, yet fulfilling. I got through by telling myself that what was around the corner was worth the blood, the sweat, and the tears. Thankfully, the classes that I took were either in my major or played up to my analytical abilities. I carried a 3.8 average my last semester, I'm sure the semester before was barely lower. I saw the finish line and I didn't allow myself to stumble.

It's funny that my grades were the highest that they were in college when my back was against the wall, the first semester in college (a lot of family drama) and my final semester. I think that my brain had one thing to concentrate on and used school to filter out everything that was going on around me.

All of this is reminding me of a conversation Al and I had about me being a psychotic runner. I told her that even when we did the President's Physical Fitness Challenge in school I had to be first or second. I beat out people that were bigger, faster, and stronger than I was. I did it by staying out front. I never looked back. You were going to catch me, I wasn't going to fade. What I had more than anything was an unbelievable confidence in myself.

I never lost it. I might have had questions at different points along the way, but I've never lost that mentality. I'm going into an MBA program. I'm going to be competing/learning from industry juggernauts. I can't sit in the back. I need to take advantage of every opportunity that the program affords me.

I'm happy that I have such a strong base. I looked at my acceptance pamphlet and see that I can skip the prerequisites, thank you Baruch.

I say this all to say if I expect to be an executive I have to be used to being out front. I think I'm capable and only time will tell if I reach the pinnacle of my potential. I pledge to you today that I will not disappoint. I have no choice. It's up to you to make your dreams come true, unless nepotism is a viable option or some good connections. So it's all on me, success or failure, and that's alright with me.

Wish me well!

2007-05-17T22:19:00.000-04:00

Random Thoughts

I'm currently in a bit of pain, just finished the second half of a root canal procedure. I dipped into my stash of prescribed painkillers for the first time. It's not excruciating so I only took one. I'm off the antibiotics now, which is great, so I can drink again, LOL. Not that I completely stopped. A Long Island Iced Tea found it's way into my system on Mother's Day, post-pills, a Gin and Tonic found it's way into my system at Bozenka's party (compliments of KA--who wouldn't let me not drink--only one I had), and I had a wine cooler yesterday. So I guess I can't say I didn't drink, LOL.

Now what's funny is knowing that I wasn't supposed to, made me want to drink more. I don't crave alcohol. I have wine at home if I really wanted to dive in. It was like once I decided that I shouldn't every liquor in the world started sending me evil vibes, just one drink, oh you're not drinking, pussy, LOL.

I'm glad that I won't have to see the dentist again until November. I have a very good dentist, otherwise I would've never let them convince me to partake in some cosmetic dentistry. Lets just say I had minor complication from said dentistry. So I had to make two additional trips this year. I got my toothbrush, but not my damn floss, LOL. I want my floss.

This post is clearly random. Perhaps the codeine and acetaminophen are kicking in! I'm going to put away my laundry and goto sleep, and try to ignore my throbbing post root canal tooth.

2007-05-15T15:59:00.000-04:00

What were you thinking?

Okay so I'm basically poor right now until Thursday, pobre a Jueves. You might see some more of my Spanglish erupt over the course of the next few months as I practice for my long awaited trip to Costa Rica, which is the same in Spanish, since it's...you guessed it--Spanish.

Okay so I'm tight until pay day. I just got through Mother's day, a lot of lent left-over as a result. You have to go all out for mom. I also went out for my friend Bozenka's birthday, where we saw perhaps the most beautiful view in Manhattan, from a bar on the 20th floor (in the Flat Iron District). It faces the Hudson River from one angle and the Empire State Building from the other. So let's say I roughly had about a $240 weekend, a $240 unbudgeted weekend--well mostly unbudgeted.

So I planned to scrimp and save, by bringing food from home to work. Where is my food from today? It's in the refrigerator. Okay let's bring this insane post together. So the plan, as a result of the aforementioned broke state, was to bring in lunch from home. I bought some lunch meat yesterday from the deli. I also bought detergent and fabric softener for my date with the laundromat today. Where did I leave everything? On my floor. When did I realize it? This morning while in the shower. I run out of the shower, grab the bag throw the meat in the fridge after smelling it and then jumped back into the shower.

So my turkey and pastrami are pretty much done. I thought about keeping it until Al told me that bacteria probably started growing on the meat after two hours and that listeria wasn't something to play with.

So I brought in leftovers from last night. I didn't want it. So I transferred four dollars from savings so that I could take out $20 so that I could eat Cuban food. Who does that? Well the food was great, but between that and the antibiotics that I'm on--I look like I've smoked mucho marijuana.

So about savings for Costa Rica, LOL, I'd better get on that. Only two more months and I'm going to need nearly 1 grand for expenses. I have my coin fund, which is probably pretty close to $200, but that's far short of 1K or un mil dolares. Hasta luego, yo estoy mucho cansado (I'm very sleepy!)

2007-05-14T21:29:00.000-04:00

On Comedy

I consider myself to be a somewhat funny person, some times downright hilarious when I get on a roll (when people get my somewhat warped sense of humor)--or I've ingested enough alcohol that I feel very little boundaries. I have such respect for good comedians, because I could never stand on a stage and feel the pressure of being funny. Al is pretty damn funny. She used to do improv at her college so she's pretty damn quick. Her father is funny too. We all have very different senses of humor, but I think what we all have in common is that we are all pretty good (and dramatic) storytellers.

I've been travelling the circuit with a couple of amateur comedians, basically lending my support, and even giving my constructive criticism if they ask. So this journey has probably been for the better part of four years. I've been to so many places where you have a $20 fee plus a two drink minimum, and know that you'll usually get some pretty awful comedy. Now that doesn't mean that there aren't some jewels in the rough or some pretty funny ones either. The guarantee is that you'll have some awkward moments and you'll search for the red light hoping that the comedian will be pulled out of their misery.

Well one of my coworkers recently had a pretty encouraging performance. Al went with me. We both thoroughly enjoyed the small venue. The comedians were all reasonably good, the worse being the one that told me I'd love his act before the show.

Masturbation was actually the theme of the night. Everyone pretty much had a pretty awkward yet funny stab at it. The funniest, a comedian named Shane, from Boston, told a story about her mother catching her pleasuring herself with a naked cabbage patch doll, and wrestle with her mother to keep her from pulling down the sheets. What this woman had was presence. She was a bit awkward, but played up to it. You didn't feel like you were listening to a comedy act. It was more like reading a page from her diary. It was unguarded, pure, and hilarious. She let the audience in. What's funnier than self-deprecating humor?

I'm not an expert on comedy, I'm just someone that has seen so many bad acts that I wanted to give a shout-out to what works, instead of bashing what doesn't. I'm looking forward to seeing my coworker rise to his potential. I know he'll get there one day, and what impressed me so much about him is that he's learning what works for him, and nobody can teach you to be funny (no matter how much of your money they take--telling you otherwise).

2007-05-14T18:00:00.000-04:00

The Plight of the Disappearing Tenured Faculty Members

I just read an interesting article from our Careers database. I don't know how many of you are faculty members, or are students, or have family or friends that belong in one or more of these groups. I found the information below a bit disturbing:

There are almost as many nontenured full-time faculty members at Boston University as there are tenured professors. The growing percentage of temporary, adjunct, and part-time faculty on American college campuses is of major concern to many in higher education—but none more than concerned college teachers.

In 1975, 36.5 percent of all college teachers held tenure and 20.3 percent were in tenure-track positions (total: 56.8 percent), but these declined by 2003 to 24.1 and 11.0 percent (total 35.1: percent), according to the American Association of University Professors. Of these figures, the most disturbing may be the decline in numbers on the tenure track, historically the source of future academic leadership.

The drop-off in tenured faculty is not limited to second- or third-tier schools striving to save money. Among the institutions with a higher number of nontenured faculty than the national average of 56.8 percent are New York University (71.9 percent), University of Colorado at Boulder (73.3 percent), University of Missouri (59.7 percent), University of Pittsburgh (58.4 percent), and the University of Southern California (59.5 percent). Just a shade better than the national average are Harvard University (56.6 percent), Yale University (50.3 percent), and Brandeis University (50.7 percent). Almost alone is Stanford, where only 8.5 percent of its faculty is outside the tenure system.

The bad news, according to a story in the Chronicle of Higher Education, is that accrediting associations seem less and less alarmed by this trend.

This article is interesting to me, because with the ever present demand for students to have higher GPAs and higher standardized test scores combined with rising academic costs, is the wool being pulled over our eyes. Are you paying more for less is the question that I'm posing?

This post should not be seen as a slap in the face to adjuncts or visiting professors. It seems odd to me that the whole reward system, you teach, you prove yourself worthy of being tenured over the course of time, has gone completely out of the window. Wouldn't a university want the best professors available--to produce the best students possible? Or is the university system truly for profit? Has the goal of higher education become to cut costs and to maximize profits? Are students receiving less bang for their buck?

I know that a lot of universities and colleges have graduate assistants teaching courses. I know that many professors work as adjuncts at several schools to make ends meet. I just find this whole trend bizarre. Can the students/should students have a voice concerning this trend? If you demand that I get a 1500 on my SAT or 700 on my GMAT can I demand that the percentage of tenured faculty members not fall below a certain threshold? Of course you can always choose another school, but what it sounds like, based on this article, is there aren't a lot of choices out there.

2007-05-06T19:19:00.000-04:00

Notes from the Bronx Zoo

So Al was down for the weekend. She's been wanting to go to the zoo for the longest time. She's into Conservation Biology and I love learning about nature, currently watching Animal Planet (Tasmanian Devils earlier today, Leopards now).

It's the first time that I've been in almost 15 years. The last time that I went I was 15. I was chaperoning a group of toddlers, my first time meeting them too, wow that was an experience. Having to run after toddlers at the Zoo, midday, with no training--just instinct! I did tame the children by the end of the trip, putting them on my shoulders, sharing brown bag lunches with them, and laying the foundation for a great summer job experience.

I digress. So we went to the zoo. First of all it's a hell of a lot more expensive. Adults pay $14 for general admission. Entry to a few of the more exotic houses are additional, as is the price of jumping on the monorails (which is truly the only way you could see the Zoo in one day).

I was excited though. It was a chance to see Allison in her element. It was like going to the zoo with an expert from Animal Planet. We saw the wild dogs, giraffes, my favorites (cheetahs), and hers--the birds. I'm sure she's going to post about it. She has all of the wonderful pictures, as she had a brand new high powered camera to capture the experience. She even has a video of the wild dogs yelping.

The most amazing thing about the zoo was seeing so many different cultures. You saw so many families, each doing their own thing, no fighting, just reveling in the experience.

The best thing for me was not just seeing the animals, I've been to my fair share of zoos. It was to see how good of a job they did educating people about conservation, about the animals and the environments that are at risk, about the efforts of the zoo to protect habitats, about what they actually do with the funds from the different houses that you pay for. You even get to decide where and how your money is spent, when you go through the Congo exhibit.

There was an ecotourism bathroom (which eliminated wasting water--and educated you what you could do to save this precious resource), and just so much there. I asked Allison to take a few pictures of some of the signs. I'll try to get them and add them to the post. In essence they were telling people that where our planet's future stands is up to us.

I loved seeing the children so into nature, so knowledgeable, reading, pointing, some a bit overzealous, but it was so interesting to remember myself at their ages. I just hope that they'll remember, as they get older, all the animals that they saw along with their responsibility to make sure that our future and the future of the animals on our planet will be determined by our actions--and they'll be willing to do their part.

Good night, I have more to learn about leopards, LOL.

P.S. Part of the greatest joy from the experience is me projecting Allison in a similar environment. I'm sure she'll back me up that there's nothing else that she can do that will give her that level of joy, well--cough, LOL. Hardly anything.

2007-05-03T17:26:00.000-04:00

Vindication

I'm not going to go into too much details on this post. Lets just say the brilliant idea that I pitched only to have it sabotaged due to office politics is going to bite that person in the royal arse, LOL.

Nothing better to prove someone wrong than to have more evidence to substantiate the fact that the idea that you posed had so much merit, that it practically unified the un-unifiable.

I will probably be gloating for awhile once the shit really hits the fan. The person will deserve it, because that's what happens when you're more interested in politics than furthering the ambitions of your company.

Pumps fist! Hell Yeah!

2007-05-01T21:24:00.000-04:00

Tales from BusinessWeek

Hello, all. First of all I'm back at my desk, woohoo. Second I can talk about an interesting article I read in last week's BusinessWeek. I find it interesting that Al is posting about something about business and I'm discussing something about the environment, but I digress.

So I'm not going to pretend that I'm an expert on renewable forms of energy. However, I know that global warming is a reality. I read an article yesterday that said Europe and Africa experienced record temperatures over the course of the last few weeks. People all over the world are starting to realize that environmentalists aren't deluded. The earth's temperatures are the highest that they have been in 350 years.

So the article I read talked about alternatives to fossil fuels: biodiesel, animal fat, and ethanol. It talked about the unfair advantage that corn based ethanol has (subsidy-wise) compared to further alternative energy sources.

Now I've been reading a lot about corn-based ethanol. I know that the price of corn is rising, and meat as well, based on the government backing it as a viable alternative to oil. Another huge issue is Ethanol can't be used in high concentrations in existing pumps and pipelines (huge infrastructure concern)--why isn't anyone talking about this?

From an environmental standpoint, ethanol is a deal with the devil.

From what I understand, correction might be warranted, sugar based ethanol is more efficient than corn-based ethanol ($0.51/gallon subsidy). I know that sugar-based ethanol is widely used in Brazil (thank you Amazing Race). Well the article mentions that corn-based ethanol contains less energy than gasoline (30% less in fact). So you would lose gas mileage. It mentioned that biodiesel ($1/gallon freezes easily, kind of a problem in the winter. Can you imagine a frozen tank in a cold winter, bad idea? It also mentioned that biodiesel can smell rank. Also, neither option has really been proven to offer major advantages to the current global warming issues (Al I expect you to comment on this one--I know when we discussed this article you mentioned the problem would be that we'd still be using a combustion engine. However, both biodiesel and corn-based ethanol have been backed by Congress and some other options are not being given a level playing field (subsidy-wise).

Thanks to years of lobbying by ethanol and biodiesel producers, two fuels get the big breaks. A number of states mandate that ethanol or biodiesel be blended with oil based fuels...the laws also narrowly define biodiesel in terms of a specific process, shutting out innovations and improvements.

This seems ridiculous to me. We should be exploring any viable alternative energy source. One such fuel is generated by animal fat. In this scenario you would use a waste product for fuel, quite intelligent if you ask me. The article mentions that it would be beneficial for farmers that are being hit hard with higher corn prices. Other options include butanol, which can be used in existing pipelines and pumps, and hydrogen (which President Bush--the only compliment that you'll ever see me give him)--earmarked over a billion dollars for--or at least he claimed to have done so in the 2004 election and set a firm timetable for us to switch over from our dependence on gasoline.

It's a global issue, people. The United States needs to play ball internationally if we are going to see any real change. It has it's share of the environmental damage to account for, but it also needs to team with other industrialized nations--hello ratify the Kyoto Protocol--if we are going to have any realistic changes.

Forgive us Mother Earth.

2007-04-27T20:52:00.000-04:00

Ominous Beginnings

I walked into work today and saw a few keyboards strewn on the floor. I'm like what the hell is going on. I turn the corner and see Kirk and Kwesi. Kwesi had this look of why did you come in today. I went over near my desk and saw leaks everywhere. The ceiling was vomiting rain everywhere. Luckily all the machines were moved, though a few servers got wet and Kwesi was airing out hard drives when I got in.

I was like why did I even come in. At least nothing of mine was damaged. I was all smiles for a little while and then got pretty cranky afterwards. I unplugged the surge protector under my desk, moved the switch box and my monitor and the wet mouse and keyboard.

I later found a spot in the Production department, Coldploy's former locale. I had my calls transferred over, though I'm sure I have a few angry customers that I need to get back to on Monday.

They had to air dry the carpet, a lot of our papers got wet, some of the Editorial departments manuscripts got wet too. It was a total disastrous start to the morning. I did get a lot of work accomplished, despite the two hour delay in the start of my work day.

I can't say it improved much as the meeting from hell completely drained me (not even worth discussing). It also left me feeling that something that I had pushed for, and that was approved by the owner of the company will have to be dealt with again, though it should have been taken care of in the aforementioned meeting. whatever, I didn't have the patience for it. I'm not a very nice person when I'm crossed, and I'm very passionate, and also used to getting what I want (if it is in reason).

So I picked up a bottle of White Merlot tonight and I'm going to relax and forget about all the equipment I have to set back up if my area is deemed inhabitable on Monday. Glad the deluge didn't happen on the weekend. Here's to hoping the building gets off of its lazy ass and actually repairs our roof instead of patching it.

2007-04-25T20:16:00.000-04:00

The Tortoise Crossed the Line

Slow and steady, slow and steady. I'm not the tortoise. One of my friends is. He just crossed the line and I'm proud of him for doing so. I'm happy for his fiancee as well, she certainly deserves it.

This proves that things happen in their own time, sometimes you have to be patient enough to wait out the situation instead of throwing in the towel. There's something to be said about knowing where you stand in your relationship, and discounting outside opinions.

Congratulations!

2007-04-23T21:01:00.000-04:00

Interesting Instructions

I read an article about a week ago on Sports Illustrated. It was in the 'More Sports' section. It dealt with some instructions that Beijing taxi drivers were given in lieu of the upcoming 2008 Summer Olympics.

Now the caption read: 'taxi drivers warned to brush away garlic, be polite and don't smoke' It was more than enough to pique my curiosity.

Drivers were warned not to try to take advantage of tourists, to brush their teeth to get away the garlic smell from meals that evidently Asian foods use as a key ingredient, not to spit in public, and to just be downright polite.

Other warnings included to form neat lines--no pushing and shoving, not to refuse fares, not to smoke while driving, and to use public transportation to ease congestion.

Now I was actually pretty much in tears when reading this article. There is evidently a reason why the warnings were issued:

"The taxi drivers are a window through which the foreigners will see Beijing, and we need to further regulate their services,'' said Lin Xiaoming, vice director of the Beijing Transport Commission - an arm of Beijing's municipal government.

"Some of our residents complained that the drivers hardly knew the roads and some of the taxis were not clean,'' Lin said. "We are aiming to improve our entire range of transportation services.''

This reminds me of one of the funniest articles I read before the Athens Olympics in 2004. It said that the Greek prostitutes were threatening to go on strike. They wanted to be respected, given that they contributed heavily to the Greek economy. I was in stitches.

I'm going to stop now, LOL. If you'd like to read the article for your own amusement click on the hyperlink below:

A Little Courtesy Please

2007-04-22T19:58:00.000-04:00

You Like Me, You Really Like Me

Since I put up Site Meter, in mid-November, to see if anyone actually reads my posts I've had over 1000 hits. That's actually pretty shocking to me. I try to write about what's going on in the world, give snapshots into my brain, and to talk about issues that mean a lot to me.

I guess it means that this blog is so eclectic that people need to get their fix every once in awhile. Thank you!

It's funny because I never thought I'd have a blog. I didn't think I had anything that anyone really wanted to hear. I suppose the thousand visits suggest otherwise.

My new goal is to get some more people to comment! I won't bite, I promise, LOL.

Enjoy the fleeting moments of your weekend, I'm nice and relaxed having taken a shower after a few hours on the tennis court. I'm waiting for the Sopranos and I'm currently watching my San Antonio Spurs battle it out with the Denver Nuggets. It's playoff time!

2007-04-21T19:40:00.000-04:00

Unexpected Phone Call

I have been looking for the weekend since the deluge that was dumped on the East Coast earlier in the week. Who would've thought we'd see 70+ temperatures? Mid-week I saw the forecast for the upcoming days and I was so overjoyed. I'm going to dust off my tennis racquet and hit the courts tomorrow with Kwesi.

Well I went out yesterday with a couple of my coworkers yesterday to celebrate the wonderful weather. We wound up going to this trendy bar called Bar 12. What was supposed to be a big group dwindled down to a couple of us, but that was okay; we wound up having fun anyway. So much so that I didn't leave the place to just before 1 in the morning. I'm going for a drink or two always tends to lead to a late night. So you figure I had 3 Gin and Tonics and one Sam Adams. Thanks to great connections I was able to jump on the bus in Manhattan, to take it crosstown and then to jump on a Brooklyn bound train, wake up in time to transfer and then get home: total trip time about an hour--not bad for the MTA on the weekend.

I was on the phone with Al, while she worked on Grad school project, and probably went to bed a little before three.

I wake up at 10. I get a phone call a few minutes later from my father. It was unexpected, because we've had a very up and down relationship. He can be one of my favorite people or number one on my shit list. Well he decided to give me a call today. I think it's been a couple of months since we last spoke, before that maybe a couple of years.

We had all of these philosophical conservations, discussed Ayaan Hirsi Ali (wanted his opinion on her--he being a Muslim), books, life, memories, regrets, and even talked about my relationship with Al, and a lot about the growth in myself over the course of the last few years. We talked for almost two hours. It's funny, because in our relationship I'm almost the parent and he's more of the child. This doesn't mean that I don't respect him. It's just that he looks up to me, now at least, because I've accomplished a lot in my life, and I've done things my own way. So even people like him that weren't sure of who or what I would have become are able to say that they saw something special in me when I was younger.

I told him that he'd better save up some money, because I'd probably be married in the next few years, which shocked him. He said she must be a special lady to tame your heart. I said she was. I told him that she's a special woman and that she has a lot of strength and conviction and that you need someone that will just tell you shut up every once in awhile, LOL. Not that--that has ever happened, as we don't tend to talk to one another in that type of manner. But, I'm sure if she needed to call me on my shit, or silence me for my own good she'd be able to handle that. He wants to meet her. I expected that. My aunt loves Al, so much so that she said I should take her down to meet my other aunt, Shirley, in Florida.

It's so funny when someone asks you what's going on and you tell them you've gotten into graduate school and everything is going pretty well--and you know that someone is so integral in your life--and you are growing in your ability to forgive and let someone that has caused you pain in the past--another chance. Redemption. That's what it's all about.

It feels good to hear your parent say that they are proud of you. It's not the first time that I've heard it from him. It's the first time that I really felt he meant it, and even said I'm proud of how you and your sister turned out, even though I had little to do with it. He's on the true road to recovery, and today I've actually heard it.

I was looking for good weather, I suppose I've gotten that and so much more.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Jam

2007-04-20T11:38:00.000-04:00

On the Lighter Side

After two pretty intense posts about the Virginia Tech murders, I felt the need to post something a little on the lighter side.

I used to watch American Idol the first few seasons it was on the air. I usually waited until it was down to the semi-final round, though I did catch William Hung's performance.

So after a couple of seasons of not watching it at all, one of my coworkers got me sucked back in. I'm glad that she did, just in time for the final 12 selection. Suddenly Sanja mania had taken over.

On one side was a legion of people like me that thought he didn't have a lick of talent, and on the other hand you had a legion of teenie boppers that were completely enthralled with him. Then you throw in the divisive plot by votefortheworst.com to make a mockery of the whole American Idol phenomenon, by voting for worse singer--which happened to be Sanjaya.

Here you have this 17-year old boy who should be doing Crest commercials instead of singing--seemingly without a shred of talent--as pretty as a woman--just staying around week after week despite horrible performances.

I kept asking my coworker how did he make it to Hollywood. She said he was actually pretty good before.

The one good thing about seeing Sanjaya stay around was seeing a shred of talent with a few of his performances (his best were the rock "pony-hawk" performance and the Marc Anthony song that he sung when J-Lo helped out the Idol contestants), the judges with their dumbfounded looks as they realized the constructive criticism that they would offer meant absolutely nothing--even Simon.

Here's a quote from Simon Cowell about Sanjaya:

"I miss him, probably in the same way as I would miss now my favorite horror movie," he said. "I don't mean that nastily, because I like horror movies. But there's a kind of like, 'I hate it, I love it.' And that's how I felt about Sanjaya."

He was a "very sweet guy, quite entertaining, but a horrible singer,"

I won't forget the little girl that was in tears, reminiscent of 80s Michael Jackson mania--or 50s/60s Beatles mania, all the crazy hairstyles that Sanjaya rocked, the commentary from Best Week Ever "Sanjaya should do what he's destined to, play a teenage girl in a made for TV movie," or the smug looks from Simon after each Sanjaya performance. Lets not forget Simon's one compliment, following the Marc Anthony Spanish song--lost for words on the title: "you're going to be surprised at what I said, but it wasn't that bad."

If you are one of the few people that are wondering what's next for this would be Idol hopeful, this is an excerpt from the CNN article I read earlier today. You'll find a summary of Sanjaya's aspirations:

college, with the Berklee College of Music in Boston his goal, and a wide-ranging career that will probably include performances with his sister, Shyamali, 19, who unsuccessfully auditioned for "Idol."

I'm sure he'll take full advantage of his 15 minutes.

2007-04-19T11:17:00.000-04:00

Profiles of a Serial Killer--Virginia Tech Part Deux

There's been so much information that has become available to the public since my last post. I felt the need to fill-in the pieces that were all so foggy before.

So we actually have the identity of the lunatic serial killer, Cho Seung-Hui.

We have news that he'd thoroughly planned out his attack. We know that he killed the first two victims and then brazenly walked into the Blacksbury Post Office to mail some 27 tapes and pictures to NBC.

We've heard of the discussions from one of his former teachers, Giovanni, that requested for him to be removed from her class. We know that he'd stalked two of his female classmates, or that there were allegations that he did. We know that he was declared an imminent danger to himself in 2005 (yet he was able to purchase assault weapons--scary).

His classmates, based on behavior and a few disturbing stories, had him pegged as the prototype for such an event.

We have his Manifesto where he's making some kind of convoluted statement about elitists.

So with all of this information it still doesn't make any sense. His reference to the Columbine shooters in such a familiar manner--first names only, and others of the same cloth--the mindless ranting--the pictures--he has what he wanted a bigger voice now than he ever had alive. He's got the media spinning, the sensationalism is beyond belief, the public is still in shock, families are morning.

The University's security and contingency planning will come under even more scrutiny. Perhaps we'll have tighter gun control, not allowing an imminent danger to themselves or others to purchase weapons would be nice.

An institution known for its heralded football program will now be known for the killings. How do those students go on? How can they go back to the campus? Or is the return to normalcy the best reaction to this case of mindless violence.

I find this whole situation even more disturbing. I just hope that we can learn from this, because it won't be the last time. You can bet that.

The worse thing we can do is to sensationalize this--because it's just breeding another group of killers that don't have a voice--that are maladjusted--ticking time bombs--that are looking for their 15 minutes of fame--or to have their own twisted legacy.

I might sound harsh, but I really hope he burns in HELL for what he did. I'd like to see what you think. Please feel free to comment.

2007-04-17T19:05:00.000-04:00

Virginia Tech Massacre

I remember checking CNN's websites early yesterday and seeing the developing story on the Virginia Tech shooting. I wondered what would make someone fire at a dormitory. I saw the early images of students jumping out of buildings, as two were hurt at that time--and one person was confirmed dead.

Fast forward a few hours. I'm on a technical support call with a woman from New Hampshire. She stops me midstream as she just got word that one of their former students were safe. We had a brief conversation. It was still just a developing story at that time. She said there was some speculation that the gunman lost it after his girlfriend cheated on him.

I then went back to see the updates. That's when I saw the death toll had jumped up to 31 and there were 29 confirmed injured, which possibly included the gunman.

I was previously on a high, being Allison's birthday. I was thinking about all the fun we had that weekend. Then I felt my mood melt as I thought about all of those students that were in class or in their dormitory when they were exterminated!

I became angry. I wished the guy had the courage to just kill himself instead of innocent people. I know that the story is still developing, but I find it quite disturbing. People send their kids to get an education, to broaden their horizons, and some lunatic robs families of their loved ones.

I offer my deepest condolences and hope they catch the additional assailant--if there is one. May god comfort the families who lost loved ones.

2007-04-14T16:09:00.000-04:00

Fiesta

So we are making our final preparations for Allison's birthday party. We'll be partying at Boston's own Mojitoes, a fine Latin establishment--known for its drinks, obviously, and for the heat from it's dance floor. Free dance lessons begin at 9. There's a group of us heading up from New York as well as the Massachusetts contingent. You add salsa dancing and drinks to that mix and Al celebrating her 25th birthday, oh yeah.

Lets just say I'm really looking forward to it. I found this gem on CitySearch about a month ago. Lets hope it lives up to its very high ratings.

Bailamos! I love to dance. Al loves to dance. We will be dancing the night away.

Feliz Cumpleanos mi amor!

Hasta Luego.

2007-04-11T19:32:00.000-04:00

Infidel 2

So I'm still reading Ayaan Hirsi Ali's Infidel, amidst a dozen other books. It's still a magnificent text. I'm currently at the moment in the book where Ayaan is challenging why Islamic women have second-class status, why the Koran dictates such unequalness---yet describes the sexes as equal.

She's at a point where she is enthralled with learning about Islam, not because of her mom's scornful tongue, or the promises of everlasting Hell fire and tormenting, but out of general curiosity.

I never knew that Islam meant submission. It means total submission. Wow that's a very interesting concept, total submission. My first question, as is Ayaan's is why? Even as a Christian I've learned that accepting dogma without understanding what's behind it is a waste of time. Isn't the whole point to understand why, not just to do?

God is knowledge no matter what religion you believe in, if you do believe in religion. Anything or anyone that takes away your ability to speak to your god, is a problem to me. Religion was intended to be a way of life. It wasn't supposed to be packaged up as a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday event. It's supposed to be something that actively governs your actions. It should be embedded in your consciousness. Your faith should be both your shield and your cane.

So reading this particular section of the book reminds me of myself on my constant quest to understand more, to be a better person, to be a better Christian. So many times I've heard man wrote the Bible, the Koran, the Torah...if you believe that can you define yourself as religious?

Or are you the type of person that says man may have made changes to the divine words and therefore I will go back as far as I can to figure it out for myself? What good is religion if only for convenience? What good is religion if you mouth prayers only to stave off Hell's fire? What good is it if it isn't in your heart?

Dogma, beatings, forced prayer won't give you the answers that you are looking for. Religion is a personal journey, no matter what anyone tells you. Yes there is a communal aspect, but no one can save your soul but you. No one can lose your soul but you.

I wish you well on your journey and I hope that you'd wish me the same.

2007-04-11T19:15:00.000-04:00

Enough with the Apologies

Okay so I've been holding off on commenting on the Rutgers/Imus situation for awhile now. First, I think both the comments of Imus and his producer were despicable. I remember reading the excerpt from the radio broadcast when they talked about the girls looking rough, about all the tattoos, thinking oh here we go with that age old narrow minded view that every woman that plays basketball is a lesbian.

No, Imus stepped even lower. "Nappy Head Hoes!" What were you thinking? Did you even think, or were you trying to be controversial? The reality is I don't care what your motive was. It was idiotic.

I've heard excuses that rap's misogynistic culture makes these types of statements easier to say. You know what I have to say that, bullshit. If a twenty-year old skater punk said it, perhaps that might be within the realms of reason. When a man looking like certain death says it--it's ingrained.

If I hear another person say I'm not a racist I know black people, or I have black friends I'm going to hit someone. You're just a racist that has a few exceptions.

Anyway, I've seen the Revered Al Sharpton (who I'm not necessarily the greatest supporter of--but that is not even the point) galvanize the black community in such a way that saw Imus not only get suspended for two weeks, but also have his show pulled from MSNBC.

Why take a shot at college women that are striving to better themselves. I'm glad that he was stupid enough to say that in public. Hearing things like that makes me wonder what he says about black people in private.

Enough with the apologies. You should of thought before opening your mouth. All the apologies in the world won't take the sting out of what you said. And unfortunately those women will be remembered as much for this scandal as they were for getting Rutgers to the NCAA championship.

I just ask that people try to be considerate. I'll tackle the rap issue in another email. Let's just hope people realize that their jokes are offensive to other people--we've come a long way since minstrel shows and I hate to think that some people will always see us in such derogatory ways.

2007-04-09T19:47:00.000-04:00

Taking it in Stride

Today wasn't one of the best work days I've had. I'm working on a monotonous project that makes me want to gauge my eyes out. Yet I persevere knowing that ultimately I'm the one that will bare the brunt of any further production delays.

So I sat at my desk and churned away all day. I got up a few times to get some water, to talk to some people in my department, and then got back to the grind.

I know that right now I don't feel the powers that be breathing down my neck. I like that feeling. I prefer to be informative than to have anyone doubting my ability to get anything done. I know that there has been time when I just don't feel like doing something. I might put in on the back burner for a bit, but that part of my brain that says hello dumb ass you have a schedule to keep has a nasty way of rearing its head.

What can I say? I love what I do. It drives me crazy at times, but I'll take the good with the bad. I know ultimately that everything from my internship to my current tenure will benefit me in one way or another. So the grunt work that I did years ago gives me insight that others don't have. I guess I'm saying that sometimes you have to take things into perspective. Otherwise wouldn't we all let our moments of futility outshine our moments of success? Perception is reality. That's what I tell myself when I'm having a hard day, month, or maybe even year. Sometimes it's just easier to be thankful for the opportunities that you have, rather than to be pessimistic. I'm sure no one wants to be depressed. So I say that all to say a little positive thinking goes a long way.

2007-04-08T18:20:00.000-04:00

Easter Sunday

Hello, everyone. This type of the year represents a very special time for me. I am a Christian. Therefore, I believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Similarly, I believe that on Good Friday that he gave his life so that others might have salvation, the Gentiles. Good Friday would therefore be the holiest day on the Christian calendar for me as well as other Christians.

I know that it also intersects the Jewish Passover. The Passover is one of the stories that I know the best from the Bible. I watch the Ten Commandments religiously. I've probably read the Genesis and Exodus more than other book from the bible.

Both holidays, Easter and Passover, obviously are solemn and worthy of celebration. If your God passed over your ancestors houses with lambs blood marked along the doors and windows as he slew man, woman, child and beast to tell the Egyptians to let your people go, or if his earthly form came from heaven to live as a man and sacrifice himself to give life, or you believe in both (as I do)--you already have an idea what I'm talking about.

Both holidays are linked as the Last Supper would have been during Passover.

I woke up this morning and didn't go to church. I watched Joel Osteen and part of Creflo Dollar's sermons. Then I went with my friend Oneal to Yankee Stadium to watch a game that he invited me to yesterday. There was wind and snow. It was cold, but fun.

I say this all to say I hope how ever you define this Sunday, whether you believe in dying Easter Eggs, whether you believe in the rituals of the Pagan Holidays, whether you gather with your family, that you give a little thought to something besides yourself today. I know I did.

2007-04-07T22:52:00.000-04:00

Is a Stand Necessary?

I remember reading an article on the Sports Illustrated website about rising Israeli tennis teen Shahar Peer. Peer is currently ranked in the top 20. She's given recent Australian Open Champion Serena Williams scares at both the Sony Ericson Open and at the Australian Open.

Shahar played the Middle Eastern Doha and Dubai tournaments this year. She played under the condition that she could not bring any member of her entourage to the tournament, not a coach, not her family, no other Israeli was allowed. Someone claimed she was a sell-out.

Serena and Venus William refuse to play Indian Wells after Venus was accused of defaulting against Serena for non-injury reasons. The two, who grew up only a few miles away, have not played the event since.

I was conversing with my friend Femi about whether or not Shahar was selling out. She said to me that isn't necessarily the case. Femi mentioned that a lot of talented blacks performed in places where they couldn't use the bathroom. So it made me think. She said that Shahar is on her way up. She's just trying to grind.

I think Femi is right. Perhaps as she becomes a bigger star she can be a bit more vocal about these types of issues, because lets face it nobody is even aware of what she gave up to play in the tournaments, except die hard tennis fanatics.

2007-04-04T22:43:00.000-04:00

The Commodization of Hip-Hip

I've been meaning to write this post for more than a week. I read an article about Steve Stout, the hip-hop artist Nas' former manager (fist-a-cuffs ruined that situation if I can remember correctly). It was in last week's BusinessWeek magazine.

Well he's gone on to start a very successful consulting business. He's working with top-notch companies including: Reebok, General Motors, and McDonald's to reinvent their mass appeals. He's a provocateur of what I've coined the commodization of hip-hop. He's using the appeal of urban culture to reinvent GMs image, to bring Reebok back onto the map, and to take the king of fast food up a notch.

Case 1: Reebok
I remember when Reebok seriously threatened Nike's position as the most profitable apparel company. It was on the strength of the Reebok Classic, forgot the urban coinage for these sneakers, but that was a long time ago. Reebok is a second-tier company now. Enter Steve Stout. He's convinced Reebok that their biggest marketing flaw is that they are trying to compete with Nike based on performance. Stout says give it up. It's already a lost cause perception-wise. Leave that appeal to Nike. Instead he used his good friend Sean Carter, aka hip-hop superstar and Def Jam CEO Jay-Z, to champion his new campaign to reinvent their image. Their new direction is to appeal to urban gear, which has mass crossover appeal to non-urban marketplaces.

Case 2: GM
GM's under real pressure from Toyota--as its Japanese rival is slicing market share away in leaps and bounds. It won't take long at this pace before Toyota is the number one car manufacturer in the world.

GM has taken out the boxing gloves. It sought Stout and his revolutionary advertising/consulting schema. Stout has made several clever decisions.

Tiger Woods is the spokesperson for Buick. He says Woods is such a big name use him for as many of your brands as possible.

A new Jay-Z blue GM Envoy for cross-over appeal

The new Chevrolet Impala commercials that you've seen featuring R&B juggernaut Mary J. Blige, southern rapper T.I., and Dale Earnhardt Jr.

The last option is just brilliant. It has appeals to so many different audiences. I never even thought about the Impala as being cool until I saw these commercials. I guess I'm the audience that Stout is successfully catering to.

Case 3: McDonalds
Have you seen/heard the new slogan "I'm lovin' it?" That coinage is one of Stouts ingenious consulting tips as well. He's also trying to get the workers to have more pride in their uniforms. He's pitched more urban gear, figuring most of McDonalds employees are young. The more pride they have in their appearance the better workers they will be. If they wear their uniforms outside, free advertising.

Keep up the good work! These little nuggets of information have proven extremely successful. I'm not sure if this philosophy will work long-term. So Steve cash in while you can, while urban culture and its exports are still worthy of mass appeal--and don't become oversaturated.

2007-03-29T20:28:00.000-04:00

Happy Anniversary

It's been two years since the day that we agreed that were willing to take our relationship to the next level. In that time there has been weddings, meeting one another's families, frequent trips from New York to Boston, and oh so much love.

She is the only woman I've ever loved, the one I opened my heart to--the one who thawed my frozen heart. She is the one that has dealt with me in my highs and in my lows and vice versa.

We've learned to function as a unit while still not losing ourselves. So many differences yet so many similarities. There's such an underlying tension when you've felt love and refuse to let it go. You'd rather battle it out all day over email or over the phone than to carry resentment against the one you love. My mother always says don't go to sleep angry. You never know if that person is going to wake up the next day and you'll never forgive yourself. Those are very wise words. That's what makes a relationship work, surfing the highs and lows. Realizing that when your loved one hurts so do you, no matter who is to blame.

I've learned a lot through the course of these two years and I'm happy that the work that we've put into this so far has made us both better people.

It's no surprise we've made it two years, no surprise at all. There's so much love and the willingness to work through our problems--as rare as they are--what more can you ask for?

2007-03-27T19:57:00.000-04:00

Acceptance

I know I'm the king of long posts lately. However, I'm pretty sleepy today. So, the cool business-oriented post that I planned on writing will have to wait until tomorrow.

I've been accepted to the Babson MBA program. I'm extremely excited as it was the only program that I applied to--as it seemed the perfect fit for me. I'll start in the Fall.

Boy in the last two weeks things have really been falling in line for me. Thank you, Jesus!

Now I have to get some wheels.

2007-03-22T14:35:00.000-04:00

Impromptu Post

So there's nothing that I particularly want to discuss. I just know that I need to write, and that is what I'm doing.

Just Is

Head held low, brows furrowed, he takes in the world.
No name necessary. He just is.

Nobody gives him an afterthought,
he just looks like a man with time to waste.

He's an anomaly in this big city of dreams--both wasted and realized.
He finds time to meditate, narcotic-free, amidst the hustle and bustle.

Those without this luxury part him like the Red Sea,
letting their scorn and dirty looks hover in the polluted air.

Doesn't matter to him. He's just decided to run for office.
His only platform: Manipulate time, don't let it manipulate you.

He's high on something he wishes he could pass on the left-hand side.
Yet, he knows nobody would give him the time of day.

So he's just a nameless man,
a preacher without a pulpit,
and a man without a place to be.

He just is.

2007-03-21T13:51:00.000-04:00

Infidel, Introduction

I like to watch Real Time with Bill Maher every once in awhile. About a month ago I caught a show where a young woman knocked my socks off with her poignant perspective on the United States and its policies. Her views were unfiltered, reasonable, and expressed with a soft yet powerful style. Her name is Ayaan Hirsi Ali.

I hadn't heard of Ayaan before viewing the broadcast. Few people have ever made the impression on me that she had. I went around asking about her. Al knew about her. Some of my coworkers had viewed the broadcast as well and talked about how refreshing it was to hear her perspective.

I picked up her book Infidel yesterday. I'm hooked already. This book is engaging to me, because my father is Muslim. I really would like to know what he thinks about what Ali speaks about. She seems, based on the introduction and the first 40 pages, not to question Islam, but the way that it has been intrepreted to make women submissive.

Anyway, I'm going to update you on whatever I find interesting during my time reading Infidel, which could also be titled Kafir.

I've already come across Ali being taught to fight for herself no matter what, feminism and Islam (modern vs. fundamentalist approaches--through woman's eyes), genital mutilation, and women being ostracized for being raped--the shame that this brings on their family.

Learn More About Ayaan

2007-03-18T10:24:00.000-04:00

Tales from the Land of Terrible Support Services

Lets first start by saying that my aunt purchased a Gateway computer back in 2000. Our house computer also is a Gateway. It was purchased around the same time. Ours is a tower and has never had any problems. It has Windows 98 and functions fine for what we use it for, to surf the web or to type up a Word document.

My aunt's computer came with that horrible operating system, Windows ME--don't even get me started. Anyway it didn't come with a floppy drive--which was strange for computers from that time period, not so strange now--as who really uses floppy drives now anyway--besides those still caught in yester years?

Okay so now that we have covered all of the background info, lets get into the meat and potatoes. Well my aunt's modem is on the fritz. This diagnosis was made by AOL and I believe seconded by Gateway. She called up and spoke with a Gateway tech who ordered the modem for her.

So I go over on Friday to install the modem. This was after she'd told me that she didn't see how the modem would fit. Now mind you this was supposed to be a quick installation of the modem and then I was supposed to go out to dinner with my mom, my aunt, and my cousin Tyanna. Well you can guess that didn't happen.

I look at the PCI modem and then at the mini-tower and say it doesn't fit. There are three grooves to the Modem and 2 in the slot. So my aunt calls Gateway. She was heated. Lets just say that she was a tad bit hostile with the rep, due to her frustration with them sending the wrong part. The rep would put her on hold, talk to tech support, come back and give some ridiculous diagnosis.

So I'm starting to get annoyed. I tell the rep that I'm a network administrator and the part doesn't fit. So guess what, please hold. Did you figure that out? LOL. Well she comes back and says my supervisor said all modem's are the same size. At that point I'd taken over operations as my aunt and this rep were verbal jousting. We knew we were getting the run-around.

We asked to speak to the supervisor. Never happened. I wanted to talk to the man who was speaking out of his ass. Oh I forgot to mention that my aunt said send me the correct part and lets get this over with from the very get go. The rep told her that she would be billed for the new part and she would get a credit 7-10 days later. My aunt lost it. She was like wait--I paid for a part--you sent me the wrong one--and now you want me to pay for a new part and wait for a credit--please check on that. So I'm assuming the supervisor is an idiot anyway. He wouldn't take the call, as he was on a 28 minute call. However, he seemed to have time to give a tech diagnosis about something he had not the foggiest idea about.

So anyway I digress. We are still on hold, it's over an hour at this point. The rep comes back on the phone and says she has the same diagnosis from two other techs. Now I'm irritated. This has gone on far too long. My aunt was really pissed off, so I took over, as she was now shouting--as dinner was backed up severely already.

I tell the rep listen, are they even looking at the model of the computer? This modem would fit in just about any computer. I have installed quite a few modems. It doesn't fit. It's too big for the slot and it has three grooves. I then said my diagnosis is based on the older model of this machine and the fact that she has an internal modem it is more likely that you'd have to replace the entire motherboard to correct the issue.

Boy you could really tell that she was listening at this point. She puts us back on hold. When she comes back she says hold on they are taking a look at the picture for the motherboard now. Guess what, oh yes, the IT person--being me--was correct. We are sorry the particular modem that she would need is no longer available based on the model of the machine...and the fact that a new PCI modem would not fit in her machine...LOL...don't you like the fact that they spit back my diagnosis at me.

My aunt is like miss lets wrap this up. We have plans. So she says we'd need an external modem. I then say to her can you just charge her the difference. The rep says yes. Voila--modem order is processed--after some difficulty with the rep putting in the credit card number correctly.

After the whole deal is over I say to the young lady I feel sorry for you. Your boss let you be the sacrificial lamb. The techs were lazy and should have looked at the model and taken the call instead of leaving you in the line of fire. She said to me you are absolutely right, I'm not technical. She told me based on their procedures and the order she had to take the call. Clearly there is a change in policies needed. She mentioned something about returning the part and I cut her off and say she has 10 business days to return it. She says yes. I tell her that I have to return parts all the time. I thank her and tell her to have a great weekend.

Phew--and then we finally went out for dinner, LOL.

2007-03-17T19:58:00.000-04:00

March Madness

Okay so if you don't know already I'm an insane sports fanatic! I love football, basketball, tennis, swimming, track and field, gymnastics, ice-skating...you get the point.

I grew up playing baseball, basketball, and football. I ran track when I was younger. In my dreams I'm the number one tennis player in the world. In reality I'm number 2 in my cubicle, 2 of 2, though I plan to do something about that this year. I've played just about any sport that you can imagine, not necessarily well, but I've played nevertheless.

March Madness is the most incredible sporting event that I've ever seen. It's completely unpredictable, no matter what Bracketology program or expert commentators tell you otherwise. You throw a bunch of big name schools in with some mid-majors. You let the tournament committee give seedings (which usually don't mean much)--and you hope and prey that some no-name school doesn't slay your Goliath--if you back one of the traditional powers.

This year I just knew that I wasn't going to get into it. Syracuse didn't make it, a source of contention amongst many analysts--and more importantly me. Whatever. They are playing in that other post-season tournament, the NIT. Who cares who wins the NIT. Does winning the NIT set you up to be a top ten pick in the NCAA tournament? Not likely.

Anyway I've been watching a lot of games over the course of the last couple of days. There haven't been as much upsets as there normally is. However, there have been a lot of competitive games--including number one Ohio State being taken to overtime by rival Xavier--coming back from being down 10 in regulation.

These kids play for the love of the game. Most of them won't go on to be a pro. What does that matter? If they can hit a three to win the game, block a shot, grab a rebound--anything that can contribute to a victory--including playing to the point of fatigue--they'll do it. Some superstars are using the opportunity to get more exposure--to move up in the draft--but most of them would sacrifice anything to get to the Final Four--or to win a championship. It's all about the team. See young men on the sidelines that normally are incapable of showing emotions crying--or hugging each other. It's a world in of itself.

These kids play for the love of the game, not for a paycheck. Perhaps that's why the NBA Finals can't compare. You have millionaires competing for diamond rings--and bigger contracts. Some sprain pinky toes and refuse to play. Others are cancers that eat away at their teams--and do a disservice to the game.

Pure enthusiasm=NCAA March Madness

If I won the lottery I'd take the opportunity to go to the NCAA Final Four over the NBA Finals any day. I'm sure most basketball enthusiasts would agree.

Back to the Madness. Lets go Big East, lets go!

2007-03-16T16:09:00.000-04:00

A Surprise Visit

So yesterday I'm walking over to talk to Katrina and low and behold I see Kim, T, and Lily in the MIS office. Now I was really surprised. 1. T is like a fort. He can hold a secret like no other. 2. It was a bit rainy so even if I had expected to see Lily I would have still been shocked.

Now Lily is my god-daughter. Now T and I live a substantial distance away by NJ Transit. Like it takes 3 hours to get out there from my house (and wait for the bus). This is both ways. If I go on the weekend when MTA is particularly unreliable, due to track work and maintenance, there's no telling how long of a trip it could be.

Now that I have my license, and hopefully soon will have a car (I have a monogrammed key chain with my initials on it J.C.T.--compliments of the lovely Allison)--the trip would be about an hour (ceteris paribus).

Anyway I love babies. They generally love me too. How long has it been since my last visit. Well Lily was just about a month old. So it's been nearly four months. It's been far too long. I haven't seen Kim in that time either.

So it was a real nice surprise to see them in the office. I got to play with Lily, to catch up with Kim, and to see two parents that truly adore their daughter.

Well not only was I treated to this visit I was also invited out to dinner, which I accepted. I had a mango mojito, which was amazing, and roasted duck--with roasted pears, and potatoes. Now the food took a long time to come out, but it was certainly worth it. I had a fabulous time. I even Salsa danced with Lily, chair-style. I was even allowed to pay, as this meal besides being a get together--was a celebration of me getting my license (which you know by now was the bane of my existence).

So I'm ending the week on a high, despite the carnage winter storm that is buffeting the east coast as we speak. There's a couple of inches of slush outside. We are only supposed to get about 4-8 inches. Kind of strange following 60+ weather the last few days. Those poor folks in upstate New York and Jersey are slated to get a foot. I know Al is supposed to get hefty accumulations up in Mass. too.

Have a great weekend everyone!

2007-03-12T15:58:00.000-04:00

Tears of Joy

I've heard of people shedding tears of joy, I've even seen it. Today was the first time that I ever experienced it. My license has avoided me like the plague. The situation was so ridiculous that I had to renew my permit a few years ago.

What's the deal? How frustrating is it when you know you had the tools to pass, but your nerves sabotage you? Today I truly exercised those demons. I had a terrible time sleeping, only managed to get three hours--from 3:30 to 6:30.

My aunt took me to the road test site, but we practiced parallel parking beforehand, my Achilles heal in the past. I decided that I was going to ensure that I didn't hit the curb by parking perfect but maybe a few more inches outside of that 1 foot suggested distance from the curb. I figured they'd just take a few points off.

I was incredible today. I used commentary driving--and it worked for me. I took Visine because my eyes were bloodshot red from the lack of sleep. I am glad they didn't take me for a ganga smoker, LOL.

It's taken so long, but the triumph was worth it. I'm more proud of myself for not giving up more than anything. I thanked Jesus over and over again, especially for hearing my prayers not to let my nerves have an outcome.

How good was it? No points off--just some warnings!

I got home and called Al and afterwards the tears flowed. I think it was a combination of the lack of sleep and the enthusiasm!

Now lets hope Babson sends me an acceptance letter soon. That and that I can get a great vehicle for 20K and that I remain a humble and cautious driver.

Excalibur 1, Nerves 0

2007-03-10T17:23:00.000-05:00

Recuperation Saturday

I had such a great night out last night. I finished up a few things at work dealing with Daylight Savings Time and our email server. Next up was checking out Zodiac. I must say that I was pleasantly surprised, perhaps because I had low expectations for the film to start with. So I figured we'd be finished with the movie by 9 and then I would have time to run to Borders to pickup my book club book--The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom (which I've read previously).

Well the movie let out at about 9:45. I swore Borders was closed. I saw the lights on and couldn't believe that fate shined on me--as we needed to use the bathroom--so I got to relieve myself and picked up the book.

You see I was supposed to be at a party in Astoria by 10. Well that certainly didn't happen. I was probably getting on the train around 10. I'm not particularly comfortable taking trains in Queens, especially on the weekend--with all of the service changes.

So the plan was to be at the party at 10--to stay a couple of hours and then to try to get home by 1ish.

Well I got a bit lost on the train, not terribly--but enough to delay my arrival to the party until 11. I had to back track on the train. I asked someone how to get back to the R. They told me to go back to Manhattan. I knew that wasn't right.

When I got to Queens Plaza, which I knew the R stopped at I asked someone. They told me that you can't directly connect. You have to go downstairs and catch it. So I get off in the middle of some dreary area in search of the R, with my hopstop directions in tow.

I asked someone who said oh yeah it's right over there. Of course it wasn't, but my intuition kicked in and navigated me to the train. I made it to 46th Street and walked the wrong way--by a block--and then turned back around.

Finally, I made it to the party. I had some great drinks. So much fun. There were so many stories--mediation that stopped a possible massacre. It was an all around good time.

So that whole me leaving at 12 deal--didn't happen. It was more like 2:30. Well to make a long story short--I took 2 trains--got off at 14th street and then had to walk over to Union Square (due to the trains I need to go to Brooklyn only running on the east side--something the conductors failed to mention). I just missed the 4, so I went and caught the two. It's now about 4ish. I finally grab a cab, get something to eat and I'm home just before 5.

So today has consisted of me sleeping, going out parallel parking, and now updating my blog. I'm still thoroughly exhausted! At least I wasn't hungover. A few beers and car bombs sat pretty good with my system. Go figure!

Now it's off to watching the NCAA tournament championships before March Madness begins.

2007-03-08T21:09:00.000-05:00

Okay--so I've been lazy as of late. I haven't felt like writing. I haven't felt like blogging. I haven't felt up to much.

There's no particular reason for this apathy towards doing something constructive. It is just one of those situations that is. So whatever funk I was in--I've officially exercised it.

I just wrote a story, that I'll present to you. I enjoyed writing it. While I don't think it's the best story I've ever written--it was the most writing I've done in over a month. Perhaps it will get me back on my quest to write my two unfinished novels:

Inspiration by Education
By Excalibur
March 8th, 2007

Too much too soon thought Eric. He twirled his finger around in that way that signaled for his students to wrap it up. Teaching this creative writing class was a bit more difficult than he’d anticipated it to be.

“Lets hope you brought out your A game this time. The first assignment was more than uninspiring, especially from a group of would be writers.” He thought most of them needed such a nasty reminder to show them that what had been cherished as tremendous in their prep schools and honors classes was merely rubbish at the undergraduate level.

The blue books were handed to him. Few of his students managed to show him eye contact, although he was trying his best to give them an encouraging smile. Perhaps part of the problem was on his end. He was this twenty-five year old guy—that looked younger than some of his students. He laughed and joked with them the first few classes. He shared some insights: “Challenge yourselves as writer—most of you have written from experience—but how much experience do you have at your age? If you need to mimic a writer’s style that you love until you develop a voice—a style of your own then do it. That doesn’t mean that I expect for you to rip off Hemingway or Joyce. Great writers are great because they take chances. If there is one bit of wisdom that I can impart to you—that would be it. Take risks; don’t be afraid to be slammed by your peers. At the very least I promise you that those risk takers will leave this class with more of an idea where their future stands than those of you that will be safe writers—despite my advice.”

That was all his first class entailed, that and a syllabus that seemed to excite most of the students. Perhaps they thought this would be an easy A. In his mind it was. Those who took the true risks would be rewarded. The students that lent themselves to criticism, perhaps even ridicule would be the ones that showed themselves worthy of being published.

Who was he to put so much pressure on them—you might think. He’s Eric Peters, basically nobody. However, his pseudonym Jason Thames had penned two New York Times bestselling thrillers. He was a black man, average looking, average height, and average weight. He had a nice smile and a type of roughness to his personality that he could turn on when people underestimated his normally reserved personality.

He wasn’t a nobody. He was a teacher. His job was to get these students to reach, to step out of their comfort zones. He could tell that some of them had the ability.

He held up his hand to stop anyone from exiting the room. “How do you think you all did?”

Again there was a lack of eye contact. He picked up the stack of blue books.

“Okay how about we make a deal. There are club hours following this class. I’m wiling to rip up these papers. We can start all over again. That way those of you that handed in drivel—will have had the opportunity to flush out your ideas.”

He looked around and saw all of the nodding heads.

“Okay I need you all to sit back into your seats.”

He knew that he’d shocked them all. “I’m going to rip up these books…how many of you know that to be a great writer that you have to be wiling to start all over again…to literally pick up the pieces?”

A hells yeah erupted from the back of the classroom.

“Better yet come up here and take your books.”

They came up one by one—thinking he had absolutely lost his mind. Most of them couldn’t imagine what was coming next.

“Rip them up—rip them into tiny pieces…and when you think about the two hours that you spent writing—I want you to be angry—or those of you that know that you didn’t do your best you should feel relieved…whatever the emotion or emotions that you’re feeling—use it! Reach down deep and pull out something that will prove to me you belong in this class—that you’re worthy of being published.”

He left the empty stacks of blue books on the desk and grabbed his jacket. “Bring the stories over to my office in the next two hours…if not you can keep them…don’t forget to clean up after yourselves either.”

He pumped his fist, then waved goodbye, before leaving his shell-shocked students to finish their second assignment. Today he felt like a teacher. He hoped he’d created writers and that the tree gods wouldn’t be too angry about the utter disrespect for their fallen disciples.

2007-02-24T11:08:00.000-05:00

Work on the Brain

Life over the course of the last month and a half, in regards to corporate life, has been extremely exhausting for me. There are so many projects that I've been working on lately. There are so many overlapping deadlines that it seems I haven't had a moment of peace.

I noticed that I'm taking lunch much later. I managed to start eating breakfast or at least grab some green tea or something along those lines. I started to drink a lot more water, which certainly makes my body feel better.

So basically when I start working on these projects tunnel vision takes over. Something has to suffer in order to meet deadlines. It's funny because people can give you advice on time management, but it really doesn't help. In an ideal world you can say I'm going to work on Project A for 2 hours, then Project B for 2 hours, etc.

This is completely impossible for me. I have to take support calls, occasionally help with support activities, respond to tech correspondence, respond to IT correspondence, work with a wonderful yet demading sales group, and then I have the special projects that become priority over all other things. This makes me go bonkers at time. I feel shackled to my desk lately.

Last night I hung out with some of my coworkers. I had a wonderful time. Told some good stories, heard some good stories, had a few Sam Adams.

I get home at about 10:30. I talk to Al and then fall asleep. I wakeup at 3 and my brain is completely obsessed with all of the deadlines I have for the upcoming week. I couldn't turn it off. It kept racing.

What I usually do at times like these is take some days off. I certainly have the days. I'm going to finish the big projects ASAP. Then I'm going to take a week off for mental recuperation ceteris paribus.

2007-02-21T22:34:00.000-05:00

A Little Humility Goes A Long Way

It's been awhile since my last post. I admit that I don't have anything remarkable to contribute today.

Let's see I had a wonderful President's Day weekend. It was really nice to see Al, Rachel, and Amy. I got to talk a lot to Al's mom, who I truly adore.

I did a ton of driving, if you've read Al's blog: http://risetovotesir.blogspot.com you'll get a pretty good idea of what the weekend entailed.

It's funny, looking back on so many things that I said when I was younger. Like I would never do long distance, date outside my race, etc. I thought I knew so much about the way that life worked.

I don't think most people realize especially when they are younger, that as much as they think they know how the world works--they don't have a clue. Life will challenge your theories every chance that it can. It's important to be open-minded, to take the opportunity to learn from anyone that you come into contact with. That's perhaps even a drunk on the street or a bumbling idiot.

My favorite quote is by Winston Churchill. I'm going to paraphrase it: the wise man knows that even the fool is right sometimes.

Humility goes a long way. I've learned the lesson and I've accepted that I'm one of life's students. I look forward to what further mysteries/lessons it plans to unveil.

2007-02-15T20:02:00.000-05:00

Man in the Middle

I'd heard about John Amaechi's book Man in the Middle coming out recently. He literally comes out as one of only four men, to this point, in the major American sports (basketball, baseball, football, hockey) to admit that he is a gay man.

Of course he's been out of basketball for a few years now. I can't imagine the type of scrutiny that he would've suffered if he disclosed his sexuality when he was an active player. Actually I do. Perhaps some players would've stuck by his side, but I'm sure he would have been ostracized.

When his book came out I thought--well we know that there are much more gay men in organized sports. People might not be comfortable with that notion, kind of a don't ask don't tell mentality. I didn't think he was a big enough name to really illicit attention.

A few players have been asked questions, none really taking the bait. Well that is until Tim Hardaway, former Miami Heat/Golden State Warrior, made the statement below Tuesday on a Miami radio broadcast. I'm including an excerpt from a posting I found on ABC News:

"You know, I hate gay people," Hardaway said during an interview on "790 the Ticket."

"You know, I let it be known I don't like gay people. I don't like to be around gay people,"

...

"First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team," he said. "I think the majority of the players would ask for him to be traded or they would want to get traded."

The show's host said: "You know that what you're saying there though, Timmy, is flatly homophobic."

Hardaway replied, "I am homophobic. So yeah, I don't like it."

When reading the article I learned that Shaquille Oneal has given his support to John Amaechi. Shaq has always been his own man. I'm not surprised by the support from the gentle giant.

Hardaway offered an expected apology after all of the heat he's been taking regarding his comments. I know that Commissioner David Stern issued a statement that the NBA in no way backs the comments made by Tim Hardaway.

"I want to apologize for my comments … regarding gays. My comments were offensive and I regret making them. I'm sorry to anyone I have offended."

The sentiments expressed by Tim Hardaway, though offensive, are probably reflective of how a good percentage of organized athletes would react to having a gay team-mate. Hardaway expressed his opinion in a public forum, with a lack of sensitivity. However, that is his opinion, and though I don't share his sentiments I think he has the right to express it.

Perhaps Tim putting his foot in his mouth will open up dialogue where more players feel comfortable about expressing their reaction to the thought of having a homosexual team-mate. I can only hope that people discussing such an issue, and John being courageous enough to broach this issue, will help people to be more open-minded towards homosexuality.

Finally, I did notice a couple of people took a look at his picture (had this conversation earlier today at work) and I didn't hear anyone say well you could tell he was gay (from how he looked). I haven't heard any of his former team-mates assert anything along those lines either. I think people who might have not been exposed to (or more likely not aware that they were being exposed to)--can see that being gay has little to do with feminine or masculine traits, but with who you'd invite to your bed.

2007-02-14T20:33:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day

I know so many people that get depressed when they don't have a significant lover in their life on Valentine's Day. I've gone many of years without one. I've had one the last two years (she's a good woman)--but we are very far away from each other, currently defying the laws of a long distance relationship.

Still being alone for Valentine's Day is nothing to be depressed about. I can understand if you went out to a restaurant and you saw people sucking each other's tongue's out. That could be pretty sickening.

Valentine's Day really doesn't mean so much to me. I try to express my love year round. That doesn't mean that I totally disregard the day. I try to make Al feel special, because I think she's worth it. I don't need anything special. A card is always nice.

It's a holiday that sees couples go to ridiculous lengths: diamonds, fur coats, perhaps vehicles--to show their love. Valentine's Day to me is about the simple things. I got a chocolate fish that says you're a keeper, cute and funny. I got a card that says I'm the sweetest. I also received a Nalgene bottle filled with chocolate kisses.

I must say when it comes to creativity I'm a distant second to Al. I love to send her flowers, Peruvian Lilies this year (gorgeous), chocolates, and a teddy bear. The last couple of years I've sent them on the 13th so she can feel extra special, because she is.

I say this all to say when I was single I wasn't sad not to have a Valentine. I thought I'll have one--one day. I took my mother out and made her feel special. I went out with my sister and my cousin. I made the holiday work for me, instead of defining me. I hope that I'm able to maintain this even though I have someone very special person in my life.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

2007-02-13T19:53:00.000-05:00

What exactly is a Nerd?

According to Wikipedia:

Nerd, as a stereotypical or archetypal designation, refers to somebody who passionately pursues intellectual or esoteric knowledge or pastimes, rather than engaging in a social life, participating in organized sports, or other mainstream activities. The Merriam-Webster definition is an "unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; especially: one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits."

I would describe a nerd as someone that is socially awkward. To me this designation doesn't necessarily mean that you are smart. We had a guy at Randolph that was extremely socially inept. His name was Maurice. He had bad skin, huge pink lips, an Urkle-esque voice, and was so willing to be accepted amongst the popular kids that he became a bulls eye for their ridicule and harassment. They'd make him feel like they wanted to bring him into their circle just to bring up a story about his masturbating to one of the attractive girls in his grade. You see Maurice was a nerd, but he wasn't smart. He is what I call unfortunate.

Now I've been called a nerd before, of course not as I've gotten older. The first time was when I was in the fifth grade. I was in an enrichment program. The class just below us, the 1 class--we were 5-E they were 5-1, passed us in the hallway and called us nerds. We laughed because we knew they were jealous, because they were second best. We got all of the attention for being the "gifted" kids.

When I went to Junior High School I was never given this designation. Mostly, because only the smart kids knew that I was smart. I never pretended that I wasn't. People that just knew me from the neighborhood or that just met me might've assumed I was destined to be a juvenile delinquent, LOL. This was far from the case. I stayed in SP classes throughout JHS. So I was separated from most of the other kids except for lunch and gym. I blended well with the smart kids and the delinquents.

I suppose some people might've thought I was a nerd in high school. I was always on the honor roll. However, I always had a lot of friends, who thought I was really crazy. I experienced a bit of an identity crisis during the earlier portion of the 9th grade so perhaps I think the label would've been appropriate at that time.

I remember going to play on a basketball team (not for my high school--a neighborhood team). It was assumed that we were all stupid. We were required to take these retarded classes that a fifth grader should've been able to handle. I quit the team, because I couldn't take the classes.

Other than that I've never been awkward. I've had a very defined personality. People have respected me for who I was.

My older cousin called me a super nerd growing up. He was also very smart. However, I was a straight A student for so much of my life. It was kind of like being called a braniac--which a lot of people used to call me.

Our high school Valedictorian was super smart. I would've never called him a nerd. He was a bit socially awkward (as most genius type personalities are), but he had a lot of friends. He was cool being different. That made us more eager to accept him.

This post isn't about bragging about my intelligence level. You can make that judgment based on knowing me. It is to dispel some of the negative connotation behind the word.

Some times it is a good thing to be called a nerd. That's when the expression is given from some that are jealous or perhaps to signify that you're smart. Lenora Fulani says that we need more nerds in the black community. She wants people that aren't afraid to show how smart they are, people who can avoid the snares of popularity and that acceptance brings. Wouldn't that be wonderful for America at large?

You might ask what brought about my decision to post this. I went to a funeral and one of my former classmates saw me. He played on that basketball team that I mentioned. He was in the 2-E class with me. I fought a bully for him (that was in our class). He sold his condo to my cousin. So both my cousin and I know the guy. Well he told my cousin that I was a nerd in school. I found that kind of funny. I told my cousin that he was in my class and that he was smart. The guy did tell my cousin that he wished that he would've stayed on the path that I followed. He switched schools in the 3rd grade. He took the wrong path, even though he's a good guy. My cousin told him that I'm super smart, that I was never a nerd. It's so funny how differently people use the word nerd.

Okay that's enough rambling.

2007-02-12T15:13:00.000-05:00

What's behind this?

I just read an article that was posted in the Metro that describes the Democrats plan to submit a non-binding disapproval of the Bush's administrations plan to deploy 20,000 additional troops in Iraq.

I ask what's the point? We know that many members of the House and of the Senate disapprove of the handling of the war in Iraq, the midterm elections signified that. We also know that the Democrats control the house and have a small majority in the Senate.

Before I go further into my rant I'll supply you with the article so you can see for yourself why I'm irritated:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- House Democratic leaders circulated a nonbinding resolution Monday saying that Congress "disapproves of the decision of President George W. Bush ... to deploy more than 20,000 additional United States combat troops to Iraq."

The measure, expected to come to a vote by Friday, also says that "Congress and the American people will continue to support and protect the members of the United States armed forces who are serving or who have served bravely and honorably in Iraq."

Debate on the resolution is scheduled to begin on Tuesday, with each of the 435 House members allotted five minutes to speak. It will mark the first debate in Congress on the war since Democrats won control of the House and Senate in last November's elections. Opposition to the war figured heavily in the outcome of the election.

Democratic leaders in the House and Senate have vowed to force an end to U.S. participation in the war, and made debate over a nonbinding resolution a symbolic first step.

The House measure was drafted in simple, unadorned terms, an attempt by Democrats to maximize the number of Republicans who would support it and also to emphasize support for the troops. Republican leaders have said they expect at least a few dozen defections when the vote is taken later in the week.

House Republican leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, has said the GOP will have an alternative, but it is not clear that majority Democrats will allow it to be offered on the House floor.

"We're going to have Republicans who are skeptical of (Bush's) plan who'll probably vote for this," he said. Asked if he thought House Republicans would lose a third of their members to the Democrats' resolution, he said, "I don't think we'll lose that many."

Boehner complained Sunday that Democrats had backed out of a promise to allow an immediate, wide-ranging debate on Iraq.

On Thursday, House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer said Republicans would be permitted to propose an alternative this week to the Democrats' resolution. But on Sunday, Hoyer said that is "not necessarily our plan."

Hoyer, D-Md., said a House vote will be limited to the proposed resolution opposing President Bush's troop escalation and a Republican alternative would be voted on 30 to 45 days from now.

"Live up to your word," Boehner, R-Ohio, told Hoyer. Democrats, Boehner said, "won't even let us have a substitute. ... Give us a vote this week."

Boehner said Republicans want to offer a resolution saying a bipartisan panel should oversee the president's plan, with benchmarks to keep track of whether it is progressing.

"You're going to have that opportunity," Hoyer replied.

The lawmakers appeared together on "Meet the Press" on NBC.

Who is really in control of a war? Congress has the official power to declare war and can set appropriations for a war. The President via an Executive Order also has the power to declare war, though this has rarely been used and if my U.S. History is correct Harry Truman was the first President to exercise such power. The President is Commander in Chief.

I'm not a Bush supporter. I do not approve of his handling in Iraq. I wish the war was over. I hate to see American or any other nation's troops massacred in what I believe is ultimately a fruitless war on terror. However, we have made a commitment in both Iraq and in Afghanistan. The United States pulling out of either country with their tales between their legs would be catastrophic.

What's the answer how to handle this situation? I don't have it. I don't think most people do. John McCain suggested building up the U.S. troops. If I believed such a move would lead to a quicker resolution I'd say I was all for it. Call me a cynic. I can see us in Iraq ten years from now in some capacity.

There's a major pissing contest going on between Congress and the President and frankly in stinks. Ideally the most sound decisions would come from a group of military experts along with the President and his staff. It would be wonderful if Congress and/or the people backed the resolution, but if it brings a quick end to the conflict and we don't agree, who really cares. Being a politician isn't about kowtowing to demands from the public. It's about making the right decision. In this case the right decision is to support a government that U.S. forces along with the help of our allies helped to topple. You can't run away and hide now.

As you can see I still don't have an answer (otherwise maybe I'd seek political office--god help us if that ever happens). I just think Congress could be doing something else like fixing the impending collapse of Social Security, overhauling the Medicare system and health care systems in general, funding alternative forms of fuels such as hydrogen and ethanol...you get my point. I feel like all we are really seeing is posturing for the Democratic and Republican Presidential primaries. Frankly it stinks.

Finally, don't think that I believe dialogue concerning the handling of Iraq is fruitless. I think that if it ultimately leads to a solution its good. If it's just to bitch without coming up with a solution--What's the point?

2007-02-11T18:08:00.000-05:00

My friend Thomas and I engaged in some pretty interesting "experiments" as he deemed them. They were based on images that we picked from Art.com and led us into one page pieces. I was looking through some of my writing and thought that I'd like to share a couple of them.

The first is titled Piano Man. It is one of my favorites. The second is entitled Waiting for an Update. It is one of my very few trips into the Science Fiction realm. I hope that you enjoy them.

Please remember that I'm creating stories based on my impression of what the images represent. I place the pictures after the story so that your opinion of what the photo represents doesn't interfere with the picture that I'm painting.

Piano Man
August 4th, 2006

Scott Brown’s eyes showed the effects of three shots of bourbon, or what he affectionately refers to as his medicine, requisite poison before any gig. I’m Cliff Daniels, bartender extraordinaire at a swanky new lounge, Mystique, settled neatly in the confines of Cobble Hill, Brooklyn.

Scott is the biggest attraction here, kind of a local celebrity. The kid has it. That’s it, no if ands or buts about it.

I get the next shot of bourbon lined up for him. It’s like clockwork, three warms him up, the fourth fucks him up, but that’s when his fingers begin to fly. They take over, telling stories of heartbreak, jubilation, and every ounce of the road in between.

On days like today, when there is enough of a breeze, we leave the door open, an open invitation to let Scott’s piano prowess seep out and snare anyone passing by.

“Scott you know you’re not supposed to smoke in here,” I tell him.

He waves me off. “Po-po occupied. You think they have an excuse to come in here aggravating me over a smoke? Man half these people in here would lynch they asses.” He sucks his teeth in that way that you know the argument’s finished.

“Scott man, them fingers warmed up yet or you need this shot here to ease the arthritis?”

“I keep telling ya ass me ain’t got no fuckin’ artrytus. Just pass me my drink Doogie Howser M.D.”

We both laugh. His is a deep almost mad scientist type of chuckle. Mine is a register higher. The blend makes the women at the table nearest to the stage turn towards us. Scott catches their smiles after slamming down his drink. He flirts back with his eyes before telling me, “da one with the big ass going to ride me tonight.”

“That’s what you always say!”

Scott asks, “Have I ever been wrong?”

I laugh, “plenty of times.”

“Not tonight.”

He walks back to the stage and sits down by his piano, takes a swig of water, and then speaks softly into the microphone, “I need a songbird tonight that knows how to take it home.” He overlooked all the hands that shot up until he locked eyes on the woman with the big ass at the table with her girlfriends. “I want you.”

Scott’s finger danced to “At Last” and his songbird snagged the tune and belted as if possessed by Etta James’ spirit. I knew at that moment those fingers would get him anything he wanted tonight.

Piano Man represented a transition for me as a writer. To that point I hadn't given myself completely in attacking dialects. The rhythm of Scott's character's voice made it extremely easy for me to write this. It was one of the best experiments that I have ever completed. Perhaps the Piano Man will need to be resurrected.

Waiting for an Update
August 10th, 2006

Alisha’s massive hands engulfed the gift from her mother, Bianca. Her eyes lit up with excitement, “Momma, what is it?”

“The earth beings call it a snow globe. It’s a city they call Chicago.”

“Chicago, what a strange name for a city. I would like to rename it Xander.”

“Well you can’t just go changing the names of places whenever you’d like to Alisha, things have names for a reason.”

“Momma, why did they call it Chicago? It seems such a boring name for a city with such a beautiful skyline. Look at all the skyscrapers.”

A smile came to Bianca’s face. “Skyscraper…Alisha I see you’ve been doing your galactic studies. Let me scan my brainware for an answer to your question.”

“Please do, my brainware can only scan our domestic databases. I can’t wait until I get updated.”

“Your update will come when your brain is mature enough for it sweetheart. I’ve told you that many times.”

Alisha sat, gift in hand, shifting it from one hand to the other. She giggled. I hope these ones don’t die like the ones in New Orleans. These humans are such terrible pets.

Bianca spoke in a very spiky lifeless voice, indicative of downloading, “Chicago was a name given by a tribe of American Indians known as the Potawatomi. The Potawatomi referred to the marshes Chicago was built on as Checagou. It means wild onion or garlic; it is also referred to as skunk cabbage.”

“Momma is that data corrupt? That’s a funny reason to name something Chicago.”

Bianca’s eyes popped open, download completed. “Alisha be careful.”

Alisha’s mouth gaped open. The once blue sky was turning purple. She could see the ant like beings running for their lives, as they placed their hands over their mouths and ran in terror.

The globe fell from Alisha’s hands, but was scooped up by her mother as if she was the second baseman for the New York Yankees. “Your contempt is poisonous too them. Learn to use your words more carefully.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Their world is not for us to judge. We were only meant to observe. Your opinions can be poisonous.”

“Then can you at least tell me what happened to New Orleans?”

“I’m going to put this up for safe keeping…New Orleans was my mistake…you were too young…I thought you were ready this time.”

“I’m ready.” There goes my update, stupid earth beings!

I don't have the image here, but I will insert it when I get the chance to. This story infers that Alisha (an outside force) was responsible for Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath. In her innocence and desire to entertain herself--which ultimately redefines whatever she's looking at--Alisha creates havoc and devastation. However, despite such events she believes that she is mature enough to handle more instead of following the natural sequence of events (experiences) that would change her naive outlook on the world.

If you look at the image of Chicago you will see the purple background. I saw some sort of poison being introduced, despite the beautiful skyline, the type of poison that outsiders have inadvertently brought that have destroyed many a cultures throughout history.

2007-02-09T10:31:00.000-05:00

Subcompact Car Market Alarming Findings

I was on Business Week's website and I clicked on the article concerning subcompact cars. Now I've been doing a lot of research on cars, getting around to getting my license--especially if I'm planning on going to graduate school in Boston.

So the subcompact market seemed pretty promising to me, especially due to their fuel efficiency and affordability. Now I've already moved on to deciding that the Mazda 6 or if my pockets are stretched too far--the Mazda 3 are my top two picks, with possibly the Civic on the same playing field.

Before that I was considering the Yaris, the Matrix, the Rabbit, the Cobalt, the Pontiac G5, and cars along those lines. They were a bit too compact for me, LOL, and didn't fit my image of a car worthy of my sense of style.

So I click on the Business Week Article:
How Safe is Your Small Car?
By By Matt Vella

I'll give you an excerpt from the article and I'll provide you with a hyperlink to the full article and the slideshow of ratings as well (should you still be interested in subcompact cars).

A new report from the IIHS shows a wide disparity in safety among the popular new crop of fuel-efficient minicars

Rising fuel prices and growing environmental concerns among consumers elicited a new mantra from automakers this year: "Small is good." Honda (HMC), Nissan (NSANY), Toyota (TM), and even General Motors (GM) hit dealers with new or redesigned subcompacts—all imports from other markets—tiny new citizens in a country of much bigger, heavier, and thirstier trucks and sport utility vehicles.

But in a land of giants, these new Lilliputians may be alarmingly vulnerable. Crash test results released on Dec. 18 by the Arlington (Va.)-based Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) show that so-called minicars can leave occupants in serious peril, especially when they collide with much larger vehicles like the ones that populate most American roads.

Optional Equipment Becomes Necessary IIHS reported that driver fatality rates in subcompacts are higher than in any other vehicle category. In fact, death rates in minicars are double those in midsize and large cars. Fatalities in single-vehicle accidents, meanwhile, are higher in smaller vehicles than larger ones.

The new crash results show that passengers in very small cars can suffer serious or even fatal injury in collisions with other vehicles, particularly in side- and rear-impact crashes. Of the eight vehicles tested, all but one earned ratings of "poor" or "marginal" in at least one of the three tests administered. Models from Toyota, Scion, and Hyundai earned scores of "poor" in side-impact tests; the Chevrolet Aveo, a rebadged Daewoo import, earned a "marginal" score.

Side-impact tests conducted by IIHS are designed to mimic collisions with larger vehicles. The crash barrier is lifted to the height of a truck or SUV, pitting it directly against the windows of most minicars. The difference in size puts the barrier at head level for passengers and even direct contact in cars without optional side airbags. The results in poorly designed or poorly equipped vehicles aren't pretty.

The difference between serious injury and death can sometimes be a matter of optional equipment. Adrian Lund, president of the IIHS, says: "It's simple physics; the laws of physics dictate that a larger car has more protection. In small cars, then, the optional safety equipment becomes all the more important."

Now common sense does tell us that a smaller car would be more vulnerable in a collision than most larger vehicles. Fuel efficiency appears to the be the catch phrase of the industry due to rising (though currently stationary) fuel costs. As the article states most of the automobile manufacturers have been rushing to tap into the rising interest by consumers by introducing new/redesigned subcompact and compact vehicles.

Personally, I need a vehicle that I'm going to feel safe in. I've seen enough of those Jetta commercials to see how dangerous collisions are. Automobile manufacturers of the world lets try having safety and fuel efficiency as goals for this burgeoning market. No one wants to be subcompacted in their subcompact.

How Safe is Your Small Car?

Slide Show

2007-02-08T20:42:00.000-05:00

I was just on the New York Times website reviewing the most popular articles. I came across one that I glimpsed in December, but today it struck me in a completely different way than before.

It centered on questions that couples should ask themselves before they get married. I thought the list was really good--and if more oouples dealt with these issues instead of impulses the divorce rate might not be as high in this country as it presently is. Love will only take you so far, communication will take you the rest of the way.

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

2007-02-08T15:23:00.000-05:00

The Day We Made Granny Cry

It's been awhile since I've written. This story filled my head this morning as I rode in on the subway. It's 3:30 EST and it has finally overwhelmed me to the point that I gave birth to it. This uses the epistlory format that I'm using to write a novel. The names used here are fictitious as is the story:

The Day We Made Granny Cry
February 8th, 2007

Assorted tulips in a crystal vase sat centered on Granny’s marble dining room table. They rested on top of the clear plastic tablecloth, protector from our spills (AKA accidents), and our grubby little fingerprints. The water in the vase seemed too little to sustain the lovely cut flowers, but who was willing to get in the ring with Grandma and state this to her face?

The room was dim, as brightness generally aggravated her eyes, but the tulips gave the room its own sort of brightness. My sister, 7, and I, 9, watched it from a distance (too afraid that our clumsy hands would tip them over).

We’d saved our allowance to buy them for granny for Valentine’s Day. Who else was going to do it? Grandpa started the tradition the first year they were married. This was the first year without him, but it didn’t mean she didn’t deserve her flowers.

Six months of us secretly pooling our allowance, birthday gifts, etc., and we were able to pull it off.

We walked in the door with our parents on the 14th and handed them over to their rightful owner. Granny took off her glasses. Her eyes watered up and then the tears spilled down her face. She looked over to my parents to see if they’d been responsible for the gesture. The two of them shook their heads and pointed to the two of us.

Granny beckoned us to her. She grabbed us both in a bear hug, suffocating us with her breasts, and thanked us. She’s never gone a Valentine’s Day without her tulips and we were happy to be a part of the tradition.

Granny’s Babies,
Kenneth Adams (28) & Jessica Irons (26)
Queensbury, New York

2007-02-04T13:04:00.000-05:00

Tame the Savage Beast

Anyone that knows me pretty well knows that I'm usually a pretty even person. I don't enjoy getting upset. I don't enjoy conflict. However, there are times that my inner demon emerges looking for its pound of flesh.

Last night I took my nieces, Sierra and Keyanna, to the movies. It was a post-birthday celebration for Sierra--she just turned five on the 23rd. I promised that I would take her out this weekend. She wanted to see Stomp the Yard. So me and Neese, Sierra's mother, headed downtown to catch the 5:20 showing. My nephew was on punishment, long story, and I was not about to ask for him--considering his punishment was deserved (I didn't want to reinforce the behavior that got him into trouble).

The movie was entertaining (and expensive--but anyone that takes children to the movies already knows this). We arrived a few minutes late and had to sit in the front row. However, once we got into the movie it wasn't the cause of any concern. Sierra ate about 85% of a large popcorn (that looked like it was an extra large). She seemed to be a professional eating champion, don't worry we'll prime her for Nathan's. Kobyashi look out.

The movie went by quickly. It followed a similar formula as Drumline or any movies from this genre. I personally love step dancing. I fell in love with it the first time I saw people in our high school step. They had some great fraternities, but I wasn't willing to go through the humiliation that my high school peers went through--for a high school frat. I never quite got myself in position to pledge in college. I had numerous invitations, but I didn't accept any. I even have a comment in my high school yearbook that said they'd better see me in the national step dancing championships, based on my dancing talent.

We called my mother to tell her the movie was out--to see if she was going to be there on time. She wasn't, no big worries. I snuck the kids into Epic Movie for about half an hour and then headed over to TGI Fridays.

There was a huge line. My mother had put us down on the list. We stayed a little too late at the movie, but it was okay because there was supposed to be a 20 minute wait. Twenty minutes passed. Parties of 2 and 3 were seated left and right. We sat by calmly. The hostess came to us about 20 minutes later and said we were going to be seated in ten minutes upstairs. It's not hard to figure out, based on the blog title, that this didn't happen. The hostess basically ignored us for another twenty minutes.

The manager was tucked away in the back, trying to keep the kitchen in order. People were asking to speak to him, the hostess would not let this happen. She was even snotty with one man who asked about the service and speaking to him--and she said tell him yourself.

The manager sent out a sacrificial lamb, the nicest waiter you can ever meet. Now at this point my mother had spoken with the hostess a couple of times. I was trying my best not to be a control freak--and to not explode. I was pacing back and forth, steaming. Well I saw the very educated black men speaking to the lamb. I went over to speak to him as well--wanting the manager to come out to speak to us.

At one point my voice began to carry. I think that prompted the manager to scurry from his hole. He was a bit flustered, overwhelmed by a short-staff, haven't just started eight days ago, and finally with the other manager MIA due to sickness.

He initially brought out a poor attitude. He started working on fixing the situation however, after a few of us threatened to speak to the corporate office. My mother tried to speak to him, especially because she said it was ridiculous that it was over an hour and a half and you had 2 children waiting to eat.

I'll fast forward a bit. My mother was still steaming and so was I. The lamb was really good in letting us vent. He seemed like he should've been the manager. At that point I said to the lamb that his manager was like a turtle that stuck his head out and then popped it back in. He had said he needed to take a breath. My mother had waited and asked if he had, wanting to know what they were going to do about the wait, he said know and had walked away.

After we ordered I told the lamb that I was the one that was paying for this bill and before I signed my name I expected to have the manager back upstairs and to apologize. I said for him to relay that every minute that he took his breath I would continue to get angrier--that he had let the situation escalate instead of dealing with it.

The lamb brought the children's food out first and our very needed drinks. Towards the end of the meal the manager came back upstairs. He had a new tune, probably relaxed by now. We were seated at 10, after being at the restaurant shortly after 8, and left at about 11:30. He was calm and apologetic. He showed me the old bill and then the bill after he applied a 50% discount to compensate. He told us that he had spoken to the hostess about her deplorable behavior, having heard it from multiple parties (all she needed to due was go to him once she'd seen that the situation was getting out of hand). He even gave me a card offering me half off our next meal. That was even better than I had expected.

So the inner beast took a nap--and ultimately we had a wonderful, despite trying moments, night out with the kids.

My niece peed in my bed this morning (circular stain fashion)--which almost brought the beast back out!

I'm even again, after a bout at the laundromat. Still can't put sheets on or a blanket until the stain dries--cleaned it as best as I could. Now I know why people put plastic sheets on their beds when kids are over! I guess I can't even get mad, because just about any kid that has slept in my bed has marked their territory with their urine fingerprint.

Enjoy the SuperBowl! Go Bears.

2007-02-01T20:50:00.000-05:00

Microsoft Sucks

This week more than anytime that I can remember, I've joined the bandwagon of people attesting to the demonic nature of this software behometh. One of my responsibilities is to design cds that mirror our binder products. They are basically a compromise between a print binder and an annual database subscription.

So what happens when you get up against a deadline and finally have all the pieces to the puzzle in place? Microsoft's changes to Internet Explorer's security settings blocking active content from not only the cd, but the local hard drive rears its nasty mocking head. I found some websites that spoke of the futility of Internet explorer with dealing with basically a local version of a website on a cd or hard drive. Using a cd isn't too bad, you just choose the option to allow active content to be loaded and your good to go. This I've known of for awhile, as Windows XP Service Pack 2 basically forced cd developers to completely change the way they designed cds, a lot of irrate customers and developers ensued.

So I read all of these sites that told me what code I had to put into these pages to stop those nasty little active x content is trying to be loaded...)*_*(++*+...could be harmful to your machine*_(_*()_* messages from coming up. Guess what? It didn't work. So I basically wasted my day trying to get this to work and it didn't. Microsoft says you can tell the user to alter their security zone, can't see that making anyone happy. The funny thing is you have no problem with Firefox or Netscape. However, we've advertised that the cds work with any browser, pounds head.

I also was sent an email disclosing how Microsoft is basically refusing to deal with updating non-Windows 2003/Vista machines to the revised Daylight Savings Time. So as an administrator I'm responsible for fixing this issue for all of the machines on our Network (that run Windows 2000 Professional). I can't believe that they won't fix the issue using Windows Update. It's completely idiotic. 80% of the PC market has Windows XP installed. In a non-networked environment it's not bad for machines not to properly read the time. However, this has a significant impact on Microsoft Outlook clients and Microsoft Exchange Servers. So we have a month to get a script to fix this problem. I guess I should feel grateful that we were sent an email.

Thanks Axis of Evil for all the aggravation that your causing--when you could actually come up with a patch to fix both problems.

It's kind of ironic that I'm stewing and typing this post using IE 7, but what the hell--I'm shackled to Microsoft like millions of Americans. I'm just voicing my opinion on how much you suck today--knowing how much I'm dependent on your software/browsers/operating systems. Just throw us some crumbs damn it!

2007-01-27T18:00:00.000-05:00

Sweet Serena

I had the privilege of watching Serena Williams turn in one of the most impressive/lopsided victories in a women's tennis history yesterday. She annihilated Maria Sharapova, who will be the number one player in the world when the new official rankings come out on Monday. Serena will rise from 81 to 14 in the world.

She had to defeat six seeded players to claim the championship, starting with her first round destruction of hard hitting Italian Mara Santangelo, the only one of Serena's match that I wasn't able to see (due to its showing at 3:30 A.M.). I saw her fight well in her second roung match up against Ann Kremer of Luxembourg, who pushed her at times with her tenacious play. At this point I wasn't convinced that Serena was in championship form. Kremer made Serena run. You could see Williams tire after long points. Serena was carrying a lot more weight than she did in her prime. She was also fighting a cold.

I figured she had a pretty good chance against the 5th seed Petrova in round three, due to their head to head record. Nadia looked like she was going to send Williams home early, but Serena showed her resilience and grit when coming back from the brink of defeat to dust aside the talented Russian in three sets.

At that point I figured Serena was back, but I like most tennis analyst didn't give her any chance against the talented Serb Jelena Jankovic, the hottest tennis player in 2007 (winning her first title of the year and coming very close to toppling Clijsters in Sydney). She'd also beaten Serena the last two times they matched up, and had rudely denied Venus Williams an attempt at a Wimbledon repeat.

Nobody told Serena that she was supposed to lose. She played one of the most intelligent matches I've seen her play to date. She moved Jankovic from side to side with great angles and swept her aside much easier than anyone expected. You saw some scary looks of determination from Serena.

Next up came the talented Israeli teen Shahar Peer in the quarterfinals. Peer outhit Serena for most of the match. Peer was within a couple of points of dismissing (the then 7-time slam champ) when Serena once again showed her resilience to once again claim a third set victory. A few big serves and deft ground strokes booked Williams a semifinal match up with Czech Nicole Vaidisova.

Vaidisova is one of the most talented prospects in tennis (at 17 years of age). She reached the semis at the French Open last year defeating both Venus Williams and Amelie Mauresmo en route. After a tight first set that saw Serena stave off set points, Serena eked out a tiebreaker and then went on to a big lead in the second, before Nicole began to reel her in. Williams got her act together just in time and served out the match to book her ticket to her third Australian Open Final (Lindsey Davenport(2005), Venus Williams(2003).

My friend Oneal called me after the first set was over against Sharapova. We were in awe of how well Serena was playing. She dispatched Maria like she was playing against a junior player. After 1 hour and three minutes and a 61 62 route Williams hung up her third Aussie Open title--eighth overall. What was scary is Serena has rarely played so cleanly (28 winners and 11 unforced errors). She never let Sharapova into the match, which is difficult to do if you've ever seen Sharapova display her fighting spirit.

I'm hoping that this victory motivates Serena to get back into shape. It certainly sent a strong message to the rest of the field that when she is on her game she can't be beat. I hope it also motivates Venus as well. I can't say that I'd like to see a few Williams versus Williams sloppy slam finals, but I would love to see them take on and conquer this new wave of tennis talent.

So much for the demise of American women's tennis. Welcome back Venus and Serena, you've been missed.

2007-01-26T14:30:00.000-05:00

One Man's Failure Is Another's Success

Today I learned a lot about myself. The nerves/anxiety that I spoke about in the previous post have been defeated or managed. Let's just say I had a test today and I didn't pass it. Normally it would be the source of so much disappointment, but it wasn't today.

I knew that I gave it my best effort and today it wasn't good enough...hopefully tomorrow it will be. I feel good knowing that my nerves weren't responsible for sabotaging me.

I experienced a similar problem on the way to completing my Microsoft certifications. There was a test that I failed by a few points on a Thursday. I knew that I let my nerves destroy my chance at passing. I didn't study any further, retook the test on Saturday and improved my score by almost 300 points. The final of seven tests gave me problems as well. I saw from the score reports that I was doing extremely well in all areas except one. It took two times, but I did pass, and this time with almost a perfect score.

So today's failure actually showed me how far I've come. I know that I'm ready to succeed and know that I don't have to fear anxiety making me it's bitch, I feel a step closer to my goal, not further away.

It's kind of amazing to me that this obstacle didn't shatter my confidence. That tells me how far I've come.

2007-01-25T20:20:00.000-05:00

Personal Demons

Over the course of my life I have seen myself become much more nervous when tackling certain tasks than I ever was when I was younger. Perhaps when I was younger I never thought about not doing well. I had such lofty expectations for everything that I did.

However, life has a way of teaching you to be mindful of being overconfident. I remember my first major bout with that was in junior high school. I was on the debate team, the affirmative rebuttalist. Our school took part in the Lincoln Douglas debates. I was in the eighth grade at that point. I loved to debate and thought nothing of getting on a stage and stating my very well defined opinion on whether community service should be mandatory for high school students. Obviously I was on the affirmative team, which I didn't have a choice on. Our teacher placed us according to the strengths of our arguments.

So my best friend Kevin was on the opposing team. Our two teams sparred in front of our classmates to prepare us for the debates. I had the last moment in the sunshine. I had the opportunity to take notes while everyone else was speaking, especially the opposing team's rebuttalist. I mantained my composure and picked their argument apart and then read off of my cards.

Round 1 was amazing. If there was an MVP I would have received it. I received a lot of praise. For the first time in the history of the debates two teams, both from I.S. 320, went on to the second round.

At that point I became very cocky. I felt we had the strongest team. Our coach said that we should be a shoe in to make the borough championships. Unfortunately, I missed the layup. I was well prepared, but I had the first anxiety attack in my life. I saw one minute when there was really three left. So instead of being poised after finishing attacking the opposing teams' arguments I sped through what I had to say and when I finished I saw one minute left. I'd never experienced anything like that. I was a good sport though. My friend Kevin's team went on to the borough championships. I gave them encouragement. The hardest part of the ordeal was when everyone said we were the strongest team in the round. I had costed us the game.

I have had a few anxiety attacks since then, not too frequent. I have learned to conquer those demons for the most part, but there are certain things that make them more likely to flare up. Perhaps taking a test that I know that I should do well on but others telling me to be careful, or speaking in a room full of strangers before I'm sufficiently relaxed. It's a strange sensation when you know you have the tools to succeed, but your mind and it's insecurities have the power to take you down.

All I can do is tell myself to relax, and if I fail at something hopefully I'll do better the next time (but never forget that the object is to get the goal in the basket the first time around--and if you miss grab the rebound to put it back up).

2007-01-22T14:13:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the New NFL

I'm an avid sports fan, sometimes borderline obsessive. Football has always been at the top of the heap closely followed by track and field, tennis, and a whole bunch that my fingers would get cramped typing out.

The NFL has had a major campaign to get black coaches involved in the interviewing process as a result of criticism from prominent members of the black community. The result has been the hiring and consideration of many qualified black candidates that weren't receiving those opportunities in the past. You had qualified assistant coaches that never got their chances to shine, contrary to the normal career track.

This year's Super Bowl will represent the first time that two teams coached by minority head coaches will square off. In fact it is the first time that black coaches have ever led a team to the Super Bowl.

This represents a milestone in sports in general. It shows that if you give qualified people the chance they can excel, therefore race should not be used as a barrier to entry. The efforts of the NFL weren't quite an affirmative action situation either. The league requires teams to interview at least one minority coaching candidate per opening. Most of the successful black coaches paid their dues as assistants before they were given the chance. You also had commentators (like Dan Marino and Boomer Esiason) that made the fact that certain coaches weren't being interviewed an issue that was worthy of attention.

Coaches like Art Shell and Dennis Green had moderate success (with the Raiders and Vikings). They were the pioneers. A decade later you see Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy leading their teams to football's promised land. Marvin Lewis has turned around a perennial struggling franchise in the Cincinnati Bengals. Kansas City is coached by former Jets head coach Herman Edwards. The Minnesota Vikings just hired a black coach as well.

This is a measurement of how far this country has come in regards to race relations. When I first started watching football there was the old saying that you could have an all black team except you'd need a white quarterback and a white kicker/punter. Take a look at the legion of black quarterbacks that have changed the image of what a quarterback should be. They might not fit traditional views of what a quarterback should be (Drew Brees doesn't either), but you can still ride them to success.

I'm so proud, if you can't tell. I will be routing for the Bears, however, because I hate the Indianapolis Colts with the fire of a thousand suns. Their coach, however, is cool in my book. He turned around a losing team in Tampa Bay, got them close to the pinnacle and was fired for not getting them to the Super Bowl. He experienced similar frustrations with the aforementioned hated Colts, but should have given himself some serious job security. Whether you like them or not you must give him credit for making that team one of the strongest teams in football (during the regular season--with the exception of this year).

I'll leave you with an excerpt from the definition of coach:

one who instructs or trains a performer or a team of performers; specifically : one who instructs players in the fundamentals of a competitive sport and directs team strategy

It's a leadership position, and we all know that America is more preoccupied with leaders than it is with those that receive directions (sorry followers didn't seem right in this context). Individuals that strategize and take the heat for their decisions and/or reap the rewards of the success from their planning are definitely worthy of applause/ridicule. It takes a lot to put yourself in those types of positions, because of the scrutiny that will follow you. If you're the first to do it or amongst the first--you have even more pressure, because if you fail the naysayers will say I told you so: women shouldn't referee male sports (NBA), blacks shouldn't play tennis/golf, a woman should not enter male sports (Michele Wie). The list goes on and on. Some battles aren't so much about race or gender, but about acceptance. Tear the barriers down, break those glass ceilings, and enjoy your moment in the sunshine!

If this post has tickled your fancy, here's an interesting article that speaks about the gap between minority coaches at the NCAA level compared to the NFL.

NFL leads colleges in promoting minority coaches

2007-01-21T11:20:00.000-05:00

The Epidemic of Teenage Drinking

I'm currently watching Do as I Say, on ABC. Today's Episode is titled: "On the Rocks: The Epidemic of Teenage Drinking." I am actually horrified watching this program. I was one of those "good" kids, which meant that I didn't start drinking alcohol until I was 21. I remember seeing kids in my junior high school drinking beer and wine coolers before school started. They would go to the stores nearest to the school and steal them. Then they'd go to the park to drink.

My mother doesn't drink much. My father didn't either, god knows he had his other vices, but drinking wasn't one of them. My grandmother was probably the only adult that I was aware of that drank on a regular basis. She passed away almost ten years ago from an unexpected bout with cancer. It was short and I am happy that she didn't suffer from it. She was about 55 when she was gone. I digress. I only brought up my grandmother to show that she and my grandfather, when he snuck a drink or two, were the only two adults that I really ever saw have a drink.

Many of the neighborhood kids did drink. They'd go to parties and come home wasted. That was during the early nineties. Snoop Dog's "Gin and Juice" was out and it was the poison of choice amongst many of my peers. I couldn't understand what the enjoyment was of coming home and throwing up--and truth be told I was afraid of my mother's actions if I ever came home high from alcohol/narcotics. I was one of those kids that was obsessed with my future. Therefore, alcohol and drugs weren't on my agenda.

Similarly, I didn't really start drinking until I was about to turn 22. By that time I had a full time job and a college degree. I was a social drinker and have always maintained control over my behavior when I do drink.

Well I guess that's why I was horrified when watching the special. The commentators mentioned that teenagers drink to get drunk. They aren't drinking to get buzzed and they really can't regulate their level of intoxication effectively. They tend to become impulsive: violent, lascivious, etc.

Now don't think I'm being hard on teenagers. I know that adults display the same type of behavior as these teenagers. However, the show displayed the brains of teenagers that drink and those that don't. You could see the damage that the binge drinking did compared to those who didn't. The long term damages were irreparable.

Then I started thinking about teenage drinking and driving. I don't know the whole shabazz upset me. There is so much promise. To tell you the truth I don't like the message that you have to drink to have a great time, or drink to get drunk. I don't think that's a good message, for teenagers or adults. I can attest to this drinking water at parties at times and having just as much fun as I did when I did drink.

I just feel for the parents that were dealing with the children who were drinking. You saw children with straight As have severe drops in their grades. Some started acting out.

One set of parents sponsored a party where children could drink, kind of a don't ask don't tell type deal. Well they didn't regulate the party. You can guess that things went out of hand quickly. One altercation involved a drunk teen throwing gasoline on a rivals car and then setting it on fire. A girl in the car was severely burned.

I don't have an answer to fix this problem. I'm not a parent and haven't dealt with it. I saw that the show advised parents not to have alcohol in easily accessible locations, to talk to your children about the behavior that is accepted in your household, and to talk about the long term effects of drinking.

Anyway if you want to check out more of what the special had to offer take a look at the website below:

Connect With Kids

2007-01-15T13:24:00.000-05:00

I Have a Dream

Today was one of my bi-monthly visits to the laundromat. I know it's kind of sad that I'm using Martin Luther King Jr.'s celebratory holiday as a laundry day, but I really had no choice.

Well as typical in my neighborhood people get extremely testy whenever the laundromat is crowded. That's when survival of the fittest kicks in. You have to be predatory about machines, dryers, carts, and even folding space. You have to make temporary alliances too, lest you spend most of your day grumbling while the big cats snatch any of the aformentioned valuables from your grasp. It can look like a hyena taking a big cats prey from them at times. Today was one of those days. And for some reason it seemed that women were pitted against men time and time again. And one place where a man stands little chance against an angry woman is the laundromat. You can see the woman rise up in almost a bear like state, looking imposing and roaring all the time, leaving the men to call them bitches or whatever else leaves their lips, while the woman gets the last of her family's wash into a machine.

I texted Al amidst all of the chaos today. She responded that Martin wouldn't be happy. I certainly agreed.

So I have a few things I dream about today:

I have a dream that people will be courteous to one another in the laundromat.
I have a dream that newbies will not rush to take machines when they know they have least rights in the queque.
I have a dream that people will not call the nice Asian caretakers in the laundromat deragotary names.
I have a dream that dryers will be turned up high enough so that you don't have to spend a dollar per machine, wasting 40 minutes--when you used to take 20, to get your clothes dry.
I have a dream that I never get into one of the aforementioned altercations. I have very little patience with stupidity and therefore tend to suck my teeth and move on, hating to cause a scene.

Reflections on Dr. King

Martin Luther King Jr. was an amazing ambassador of using nonviolence (peaceful resistance) in order to gain rights that benefited not only himself, but others. This post is in no way a mockery of what Dr. King stood for.

I leave you with a lasting memory. I remember participating in a celebration of Dr. King on the night of the first Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. I was a part of two performances that night, as a fourth grader. I was the letter D and the letter K and reeled off the bits of wisdom prepared by my teacher, Ms. Steele. The second performace paired me with another class. I was not Dr. King, but I was on the set and spoke some of the words from the speech. Those words are still ingrained in who I am today.

I spoke with the power and conviction as if the living embodiment of his dream, as though he spoke through me, despite my miniature stature. I spoke louder that day than perhaps at any point in my life. I was a part of something special. It was the first celebration and I had been chosen to take part and wanted to make sure that I didn't waste the opportunity.

Today I salute you Dr. King as well as anyone that has ever fought for civil rights. I applaud anyone that fought with actions, words, dollars, and thoughts. God bless you and enjoy the rest of your day.

I have a dream that one day people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

2007-01-12T13:45:00.000-05:00

Why I blog!

There was a time, only a few months ago, that I would've laughed at anyone that said I should have my own blog. Actually I did. At first I was confused about what to post about. I only gave the link to a few people.

Well I think participating in NABLOMO (National Blog Month) I think my appetite to post has become ravenous. I'm no longer obligated to post every day, but I feel almost an obligation to the people that read my posts on a regular basis to put up something worthwhile.

My blog is as eclectic as I am as a person. There are so many layers to who I am as a person. So there are so many things that I try to post. I feel a little more secure in my posting ability so I have made my blog public recently.

I encourage those of you who are just "meeting" me to take a look at some of my previous posts. I'm sure you'll find something that appeals to your sensability.

This is in essence a thank you to everyone who has ever read/commented on my previous posts. It is also my extension for those of you who don't know excalibur or doesn't know him well to see what lies beneath my smile.

2007-01-10T10:25:00.000-05:00

Political Conversation Beware

Well first I should tell you that one of my coworkers showed me a clip from the Daily Show about the screw ups by Yahoo and CNN mixing up Obama with Osama. Kind of a big difference between the two names.

A lot of my friends have been talking about the potential Democratic candidates for the 2008 Presidential election. I'm in New York so of course I'm an avid supporter of Hillary Rodham Clinton, ducks knowing that name alone brings strong reactions positive or negative from Democrats, Republican, and Independents alike. She's been a strong Senator for New York as has Chuck Schumer, who I wish would run and I think would do a great job if he was elected, but has no intentions of running for higher office.

I'm not going to make this post a testament to Clinton. That's not my intention. My intention however is to talk about the man in the spotlight since his electrifying speech during the 2004 Democratic National Convention, Barack Obama.

I've heard such great things about him, but I decided to find out a little more information on this would-be presidential hopeful. So like any redblooded American I went to the Internet and took a stop on his website:

Barack Obama U.S. Senator for Illinois

I paid particularly close attention to his stand on issues including the War in Iraq, Homeland Security, Crime, the Environment, etc.

On the Issues

I must admit I really liked what I saw. I'm definitely going to follow him closer as we approach the next presidential election. Anyway the next phase of my research took me to the people, via the Wikipedia entry on Obama.

Barack Obama

This gave me much more background information on Obama than I've actually seen anywhere else or have heard about him, surprising considering you would think his site would trump Wikipedia's entry.

What the Wiki entry did was humanize Obama. I have often told my friends when you interview for a job you should be able to be honest and your prospective employer should be likewise. That way you know that you'll be a good fit for that position. Instead there are truths, and half-truths, and flat out lies, which wastes both parties time. Well what is running for the President or any major office but one great big interview with all the fixings?

I would rather for a candidate to say look I used narcotics when I was younger, experimented, than for some journalist to dig it up. We all know that people are built up and torn down in a New York minute.

Or in Obama's own words:

In Dreams from My Father, Obama writes about smoking marijuana and trying cocaine during his teenage years. Inviting journalists to contrast his earlier admission with Bill Clinton's remarks during the 1992 presidential campaign that he "didn't inhale" while smoking marijuana, Obama recently stated: "I inhaled—that was the point." Obama added: "It was reflective of the struggles and confusion of a teenage boy; teenage boys are frequently confused."

And before I get any eye rolls or anyone hissing at me I will state for the record
that I am anti-drugs. I've seen people devastated by narcotics use, especially families, during the crack epidimic of the 1980s. I'm applauding his honesty not his use of narcotics.

I'll close with a sequence of other meaningful slices from the mind of Obama:

No, people don't expect government to solve all their problems. But they sense, deep in their bones, that with just a slight change in priorities, we can make sure that every child in America has a decent shot at life, and that the doors of opportunity remain open to all. They know we can do better. And they want that choice.

Hallelujah!

When we send our young men and women into harm's way, we have a solemn obligation not to fudge the numbers or shade the truth about why they're going, to care for their families while they're gone, to tend to the soldiers upon their return, and to never, ever go to war without enough troops to win the war, secure the peace, and earn the respect of the world.

I feel like I'm going to church now. Amen Brother Obama.

The pundits like to slice-and-dice our country into Red States and Blue States; Red States for Republicans, Blue States for Democrats. But I've got news for them too. We worship an awesome God in the Blue States, and we don't like federal agents poking around in our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and yes, we got some gay friends in the Red States. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and patriots who supported the war in Iraq. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.

Now I'm dancing in the aisles.

This is what I want the most for the country, someone to bridge the great divide. Any candidate that can not only promise, but deliver will have my vote.

This is Excalibur and I approve this message.

Oh I have one last comment. I read this from his website as well and it really sums up how I feel about the War in Iraq as well-taken from Obama's website:

Since 2002, and now, as a U.S. Senator, Senator Obama has continued to critique the Administration's mishandling of this war, and believes that while our troops have done an outstanding job in Iraq, there can be no military solution to what is inherently a political conflict between Iraq's warring factions. The only hope to end this burgeoning civil war is for Shiites, Sunnis, and Kurds to come together and resolve their differences...

2007-01-08T21:41:00.000-05:00

I Love New York

"New York is inside the MothaF*cking House." Those who have seen the Flavor of Love have heard the villain New York/Tiffany use it as she picked fights and manipulated her way to the final two twice. She didn't receive those attrocious pair of customized gold teeth either time. She has decided that her fifteen minutes of fame aren't up.

Every so often I find a guilty pleasure reality television show to sink my teeth into. I remember watching the Flavor of Love, which I confess was some of the worst television ever, but some of the funniest nevertheless.

I know I'm amongst the legion of fans to have watched the show. I watched both seasons and even got my girlfriend into watching the second season, because it's so funny.

One of the biggest moments in reality television history, which I'll deem the spit seen round the world:

I'm sure many fans watched this over and over again on YouTube. I watched it on Best Week Ever and cracked up each time.

Then I watched Tiffany, New York, show her butt during the reunion when she tried to take a pound of flesh out of Pumkin's ass.

Notice Flav's bodyguard in the middle of the two combatants.

I watched Miss New York have her heart broken by Flavor Flav twice. I actually felt really bad for her. I swore that I wouldn't watch her show, even when my girlfriend said I would just to see how funny it was going to be--and she was right, as usual.

I'll be watching Sister "Hellfire" Patterson and her sometimes drag queen looking daughter try to help Tiffany find real love amongst a group of pimps, thugs, effiminates, husslers, and actors. I'm already waiting to see how many clips make best week ever, because there were quite a few comical moments including: a man crying about his dog princess that died three weeks ago and knows it is fate because New York is a princess, a rotund man with a wandering eye that women have pitied and told that he has amazing eyes, Mrs. Patterson interrogating the boys because a few of them had "a touch of gay," New York's personal assistant and pretty in pink assistant Chamo, and a screaming thug with a gap that Tiffany has taken a liking to but has already brought out the wrath of her scary looking mother.

I'm not promising the best television ever, but I promise that if you have a pulse and can laugh at the expense of others making fools of themselves I Love New York might just be right for you too.

2007-01-05T12:52:00.000-05:00

Why Do Men Spend So Much Time at Their Jobs?

I just read an interesting article on Yahoo (that came from Men's Health)--a magazine that I have subscribed to in the past.

It was a very interesting and I think accurate article about why men can have faults in their relationships that they do not exhibit in business.

I'm actually going to paste the article below instead of including a link to the post. Please let me know what you think.

Why Do Men Spend So Much Time at Their Jobs?
By David Zinczenko

The question comes up over and over again in relationships. She says to him: If you gave me the same amount of attention as you give your boss, we'd be topside on the Love Boat rather than ballast in the Titanic.

Kinda true, right? At work, men can't communicate enough with e-mails, memos, brainstorming meetings that last all morning, and drinks that intrude on the dinner hour. But in a relationship, we hardly mutter an "uh, huh" when women ask if the dress looks okay. At work, men come up with creative solutions to problems. In a relationship, we hold our ground in the never-ending arguments about the budget/remote/toilet seat. At work, we're never satisfied with an average performance. In a relationship, we sometimes are. And then we fall asleep.

So, of course, it's a natural question for a woman to ask: Why is it that men obsess about work so much and spend so much time there-even without seemingly direct rewards or benefits for doing so? Part of the reason is that we value job performance and career advancement almost as much we value SportsCenter (almost). In fact, 35 percent of men in my Men, Love & Sex survey say that a 50-percent raise would be the one-time life boost that would make them feel the best-beating out both losing 20 pounds (29 percent) and working less to spend more time with the family (11 percent). Ouch.

The quick and obvious explanation is that men can take their relationships for granted after they've been in it for a while. In fact, that very sense of security is what we treasure most about a long-term relationship, in part because we can't afford to view our jobs the same way. These are some of the main reasons why men seem to have such great relationships-with their boss and coworkers.

They're Always Out to Prove They Are THE Guy

Early on in a relationship, a guy is competing for a woman's attention against all kinds of potential suitors. So he's at his best-witty, romantic, generous, unselfish. Once he knows he's the guy in the relationship, the pressure to perform decreases. At work, that drive is the same: He's competing against lots of other people for jobs, for raises, for respect-and a man's competitive nature drives him to want to be the best out of all the others. The difference in a job setting is that the pressure to perform never decreases, and he's always competing to be the guy. Even when he's the big boss, he's competing against other big bosses for his company's share of the pie (that is, the whole damn thing).

Not Working Equals Weakness

Of course, women have a lot of unfair stereotypes that they're fighting against day after day. But one of the stereotypes that men are saddled with is that their career success is a measure of their personal worth. The sociologist Warren Farrell has written that just as women are at times looked at as "sex objects," men are at risk of being considered "success objects"--to others, to themselves. Not working, or working in the same job, or never mustering the drive to move up makes us feel like going-nowhere dolts. Some of a man's drive to succeed comes from the desire to make more and more money, but some of that drive also comes from the desire to earn more and more respect.

They're Always Playing to an Audience

The difference between work and home life is like the difference between a filled-to-capacity stadium and an empty practice field. Men tend to feel the performance-anxiety pressure to succeed, to not make mistakes, and to excel when a whole company's watching. Right or wrong (OK, undoubtedly wrong), the natural tendency is to not give as much effort as we should when the only third-party eyes that are watching are the dog's.

Think I've nailed it on the head? Or is there something else that's driving men to spend those long hours at the office? I want to know what you think.

Yahoo has some pretty interesting comments posted on this article. You can find them at Link to Article and Commentary

2007-01-04T17:33:00.000-05:00

Time to Take a Deep Breath

Have you ever had one of those days when the world seems to fall down on your shoulders? I had that experience today.

Legally I can not disclose any facets of the impending changes at my place of business. However, I can just say it will lead to a lot more work for me. Perhaps I will get a chance to hire some support staff, which is a bonus.

My day started off with a meeting with some of our Sales staff, review of last year's goals and where the reps ended up--in respect to their yearly targets. I had the opportunity to discuss some technical items and then that was pretty much all I needed to contribute to the discussion.

I had a meeting with my boss this morning where I learned some interesting news of some changes that could be approaching soon. You see I had come into this year with objectives, things that I could do to help our business run smoother. The news certainly will brush my goals to the side for awhile. I have a trip to Costa Rica that I hope to be taking in June. There are more facets of my job that I can't discuss, but let's just say I suffered from informational overload today which sent me into a state of panic. I confess to being somewhat of a control freak. I had my year planned out and was ready to tackle some challenges. I didn't expect this one, but I should've seen it coming, like a good right hook.

I swore I was having an anxiety attack. I'm planning on starting graduate school in the fall. I needed order in my life, not surprises, LOL.

I called my girlfriend amidst this anxiety attack and she calmed me down. She had been sending me these beautiful sites on things we could do in Costa Rica if we did a 7 or 8 day trip and I think I panicked, because I know I'm due for a big vacation and I didn't want to have my plans vetoed because of business.

Anyway a quick five minute walk and a conversation with her drained the anxiety. I'm back to my smiling and cheerful self. I might even add some trainings to my schedule this year, which means business traveling, if I'm not overwhelmed by the top-secret news.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. I've let the Himalayas slide off my chest and I can breathe clearer. That's until tomorrow when someone lays more news...wouldn't it be nice if you could just disappear in those situations?

I really look forward to the challenges the year brings despite all the whining. I think I just needed to purge it. Here's looking at you 2007 with a smile, and hopefully a lot of good things ahead for me.

2007-01-03T20:42:00.000-05:00

The Craziest Party Ever

Al and I went to the Toshi New Year's Eve Party at Studio 7 near Canal Street. First of all she looked amazing in her little black dress and with her accompanying silver accessories. I think I looked stunning, which is not a surprise considering me being a LEO.

I bought VIP tickets for the two of us. I found out the day before, because of the exclusivity of the party, that it wasn't being held at the Puck building, but on a street in Chinatown that I'd never heard of.

We left pretty early so that we could dine in style, more on that later. We both looked stellar, as I mentioned before. So we are walking down Walker Street, because we got out the wrong exit (following the directions from www.hopstop.com) and had to double-back. The start of the street looked super sketchy. First of all Chinatown stinks during the day, but has an even more noxious smell at night--rotten garbage perhaps. The streets are pretty dreary as well. We walked down the street making sure we didn't step in any leftovers or on any vagabonds (with our noses turned up).

When we got to the building I was a bit nervous. It didn't look like the place worthy of all of the hype of the Toshi parties. I immediately took off my tie, feeling overdressed.

The bouncer said the elevator wasn't working so we had a steep climb up 5 long flights towards the Penthouse (feel sorry for Al with her high heels on). There was no VIP separate coat check as had been advertised. They had only given me one VIP seat instead of two, though that didn't turn out to be a problem.

The three course dinner was buffet style. At this point I was getting pretty nervous. We had two really cool coeds at the table with us, they had started a business, and I guess were celebrating in style.

The drinks were amazing. We had pomegranate and vodka drinks. There were women in bodypaint and some nasty looking men that should have had a shirt on instead of showing their slightly bulging bodies and hanging chests, but one was really nice and poured us so much vodka in our drinks that I can forgive him for his audacity to go topless.

The toshiettes gave massages, twenty bucks for three minutes of pleasure, which I certainly didn't need with Al on my arm, even though she offered to pay for me to have one, which is why she is a real winner.

The food was good, and only initially available to the VIPs. The music was great. We danced the night away. Toshi showed up in a pink blazer with a beautiful Asian woman that looked about five inches taller than him.

We shared a bottle of champagne with the cool guys at our table (which was only 40 bucks surprisingly). We were already nice from about four drinks in about an hour.

I had a camera on me a lot of the night, me being a pretty attention grabbing dancer. I was groped about five times (not even sure by what sex as it kept happening so quickly--I'm sure they got the idea by Al pinching my ass several times during the night).

You had such a mixed crowd: people with tuxedos, people dressed like Justin Timberlake, beautiful party dresses, sneakers and hip-hop gear, blazers, pretty much every style that you can imagine (I did mention Toshi's pink blazer). It just added to the party's allure. You had so many different types of people mixing and having a kick ass time.

Despite the hefty price tag and a few b.s. promises of grandeur the party was well worth the money. There was a crowd of people who were friendly and wanted to party the night away.

We left at 3. I would absolutely do it again. I just hope I'm not on the Internet somewhere as my dress got more relaxed the more I danced and drank.

I almost forgot Al spotted some man that decided to show his very small penis to the people that were unfortunate enough to see it. She thought that it was fake because it was so small (testicles being larger than the actual penis). Why on earth would he want to show that off, unless he wanted to give someone a good laugh?

There are so many details that I'm leaving out as my brain is fried. Well we'll always have our VIP memorabilia and Al has her tiara souvenir from the party.

2007-01-02T15:10:00.000-05:00

And I'm Telling You Jennifer Hudson is the Real Deal

I had the privilege of watching Jennifer Hudson perform on American Idol the season that Fantasia Barrino won. I remember all of the controversy when she was voted off. It might have been the best American Idol performance ever--definitely in a class of its own. I heard that voice and knew that she would be successful and the way she sung her way off the show told me that wouldn't be the last time that I'd hear from her.

I've been waiting for a chance to see Dreamgirls. I'd heard the buzz about Jennifer's performance prior to her Golden Globe nomination. There were whispers about her being the leading candidate for the Best Supporting Actress Oscar nomination. I generally hate musicals, but I had to see it.

Well lucky for me that Al and Neese also wanted to see it. So after throwing down in the kitchen, pats self on the back, and dispensing of a bottle of Gallo Burgundy (two thumbs up)--we made our way to an 11:10 P.M. showing, that's dedication.

We get there on Saturday night and the place is packed. We are in the front row and we are thinking what did we get ourselves into. But, as soon as Jennifer took the stage we knew the cricks in our necks would be well worth it.

She gained 30 pounds for this role. If this is her acting debut I'm waiting to see what the sequel will hold. Her acting stood out amongst all the marquee actors and actresses. Her voice blew us all away. I'd read a review that said the film sizzled with Jennifer in the spotlight and faded when she was off-stage. I certainly agree.

Beyonce's acting was a notch above what I'd seen from her in the past and her voice sounded better than I'd ever heard it when she sung her ballad Listen. That was just the potatoes. Jennifer delivered a pot roast with all the fixings. Her portrayal was believable. Her portrayal was breathtaking. Her voice unparalleled (even with the seasoned Knowles in the cast).

And if you haven't heard Jennifer Holiday's gut-wrenching vocals of Your Gonna Love Me, I'd suggest you do it just for comparisons sake. I've heard the original and likewise have heard countless amateur contestants at the Apollo give it a try. Some have done a decent job, none have compared to Hudson. Her rendition--because she made it her own--was gripping and received an ovation at the movie theater I was in (which I've heard isn't uncommon). I felt the emotion in her voice. She let the emotion build until it bubbled over. At that moment you had no idea that you were watching a movie. You felt Effie's heart break into a thousand pieces. I casted a nasty look at Jamie Foxx's character and at Dina. How could you do that to Effie I thought. "I said sing your pain out Effie. Go ahead Jennifer."

I can't wait for her album to come out. If you love R&B and good acting (despite a few hiccups) I'd recommend that you get your butt in gear and hear Jennifer announce her presence as the next big voice and hopefully star of our era.

2006-12-29T09:27:00.000-05:00

Ode to Mom

My mother is an amazing human being. She raised the three of us almost single-handed (save for the first ten years of my life--and even with that she did most of the work herself). She has such a loving spirit and more than anything she loves to help young women out who have lost their way. She says it is something that she picked up from my late grandmother Sally. She passed when I was four so I'll take my mother's word for it.

Last night my mother helped me deal with the over packed laundromat. This meant we had to be crafty and out duel everyone for dryers, washing machines, laundry carts, and folding spaces. I made it to the laundry at 5, giving me a slight head start, but not much. Everyone was trying to make sure they had all the laundry done before the new year begins. I don't know how many times I heard it's going to be progressively worse the next few days.

Well there were two older women doing laundry. One was an older white woman with curly reddish brown hair. She was a tad bit hunchback and had some sort of tick, excuse me for not knowing the appropriate medical label. She was at the laundromat alone and had her clothes in the dryer by the time that I saw her. The second older woman who we (those of us who adopted her for the night) called grandma, was an older black woman (around 80--but still looked amazing) with a very sweet disposition. Her granddaughter basically brought all of the clothes into the laundromat and then left (saying she'd be back in an hour). She didn't even help load the machines.

I watched over the older white matron like a hawk. I was closest to her because I was drying by that time and folding. You see I found it very difficult to just jump in and do everything for her, as you know some older people are very independent. She didn't seem to have any problems. When I noticed the least bit of hesitation I gave her a helping hand, to which she was extremely gracious and thanked me.

The black matron had so much clothes to wash, no doubt some of her granddaughters clothes were in there. My mother helped her secure machines, then dryers, and then stayed to help her fold all of her clothes. She even told the woman to call her granddaughter to tell her to get her but in gear. The Chinese man that attends to the laundromat was very helpful as well. He put the change in the washing machines and the detergent in for the woman. She said she's been washing clothes there for years. He's a very nice guy: always helpful (even when my gold bracelet got stuck in the machine--another story for another time). He usually has to deal with a bunch of grumpy people complaining about dryer heat and everything else under the sun. Though last night was an exception.

It was just amazing to see cooperation amongst all of the people trying to get their clothes cleaned. This laundromat is usually chaotic with people fighting over machines. To see so many people offering dryers to the older women and just looking after them made me smile. There is a lot of good in the world. Sometimes you just have to open your eyes wide enough to see it (that's a shout out to all the pessimists).

Oh I almost forgot the older black woman tried to pay my mother for helping her, which my mother refused. She then issued some nice compliments to my mother and myself telling us that we are wonderful people and that we will be blessed. I was really impressed with my mother, as I generally am. Just seeing her in her element really touched me. I hope that if she's in need as she gets older that there will be people that show acts of kindness instead of irritants. There's so much that elders have to offer (even if they can be obstinate at times), LOL.

Have a happy New Year!

2006-12-27T15:40:00.000-05:00

Much Ado About the Holidays

So much of the Christmas spirit is giving. I guess that's who I am, I'm a giver. I like to receive too, but I don't give in order to receive (wow this kind of sounds dirty).

The best gifts that I gave out was a Tanzanite and diamond white gold eternity necklace and earrings for my girlfriend (not a set) and a diamond and yellow gold necklace for mom (which my brother and I chipped into buy. Both gifts went over very well--and are beautiful (I'm pretty good at picking out pieces that reflects the individuals personality). Al got her gift before Christmas, because I can't wait that long after I buy something nice for someone, LOL. It seriously drives me nuts (I guess you can say I have to give and know the other party likes it).

She was very happy and gave me the look of I can't believe you spent that much money on me (I made her promise before hand that she wouldn't yell at me). She then promised that she wouldn't show anyone until Christmas Eve (though Amy cracked her, LOL). And she was impressed that the gifts were wrapped (professionally of course--as I beg people to wrap gifts for me because I'm a poor man without the skills to do so effectively (winks)). I used my bargaining prowess to get a reasonably good price on the jewelry. You have to see the color of the Tanzanite--it is so beautiful (rich) and the clarity is wonderful as well.

My mother on the other hand. I know she gets up in the middle of the night. So I turned on the Christmas lights and left the necklace in the foyer in all of its glory. She told me she wanted to wake me up at 3 in the morning, because it was so beautiful. The retail value on the necklace is ridiculous, but I did get it for a steal, being the good shopper that I am.

I bought my nieces and nephew a bunch of board games (as they are finally old enough to appreciate and for me to beat them mercilessly until they learn to emulate my strategies and can go forth and conquer kids their own age). None of them have seen them as of yet (sighs), but they will probably get over to the house by this weekend.

Now everyone likes to ask me what I got for Christmas, which tends to make me sad. I don't expect a lot from people. I'm one of those people who loves Christmas Cards. I think a few heart felt words can't be beat.

I did receive some pretty cool gifts:
A knitted grey scarf, a power tie, and an amazing Norelco shaver from my wonderful girlfriend.
I was given some gift cards for Starbucks and Blockbuster.
And Thomas got me the new Game CD, which was completely unexpected. It was a nice gesture.

I gave my office mates the present of holiday cakes from Juniors (which they devoured today). I have their admiration, who can beat that.

The best gift of all was thank you from the office mates and everyone that I bought gifts for! I love it.

And I finally popped that bottle of champagne with Thomas from when my god-daughter was born! It almost dented the wall (been at the office since September 28th). It was wonderful and packed quite the punch.

I'm sure this will be my last post for the year. May God bless you and keep you near and dear to his heart in the new year.

2006-12-22T13:06:00.000-05:00

Side by Side

Those of you who don't know me well probably don't realize how much of a huge tennis fan/sports fan I am in general.

My two favorite male players over the course of the last twenty years (wow been watching tennis for awhile) are Pete Sampras and Roger Federer.

They are arguably the two best tennis athletes the sport has seen. Something that no one would dispute is both players are two of the classiest men to grace the sports world. Despite being surrounded by pompous athletes that twiddle their thumbs and collect another million or shirk being ambassadors of the sports where they make their living, these two athletes were able to compete at the highest level possible (Sampras being ranked year end number one six consecutive years--Federer nipping on his tails for this record--I believe with four under his belt) and still be model citizens. You can throw big egos out of the window. They are two of very few male athletes that I have seen cry in public, at Wimbledon.

I hope in this generation of inflated egos and inflated salaries that players will start to envelope the spirit of a Roger Federer or of a Pete Sampras. Let your game do the trash talking.

This is a message that I hope coaches will be successful in instilling in the next generation of great athletes. It seems it didn't take much hold on the current crop (Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, Ron Artest, Lleyton Hewitt, Bode Miller).

2006-12-21T17:20:00.000-05:00

Book Recommendation of the Month

We had the privilege of reading Coelho's simple yet majestic novel for our December book club meeting.

It was a breathtaking experience as you follow a shepard boy in search of his destiny. Paulo's use of symbolism throughout the story is well done, meaning not stuffed down your face like a bad Taco Bell burrito.

Any reader, regardless of religious background should be able to respect the lessons revealed through this journey. I find it difficult to discuss this book without giving away too much (especially since it is a rather short and quick read). You'll just have to take my word on this one. All of the buzz that the story has received is not without merit. It's a clean, straightforward, tale that bristles with self-discovery and teaches readers the necessity of balancing being goal-oriented and taking in all that life has to offer.

Religious buffs can apply knowledge from the Torah/Koran/Bible/Analects to this tale. Fundamentally, this is a story that everyone should read at least once and would make a great gift (should you not quite have finished your holiday shopping).

2006-12-21T16:42:00.000-05:00

Baptism By Fire

“Too much pepper…way too much pepper,” I say as I begin my 100 meter dash to the bathroom after consuming stewed chicken gone bad--from the local West Indian restaurant.

My stomach agrees as it purges this homage to crap into the confines of my previously sparkling toilet bowl. Just get it in the toilet.

At moments like these I think how awful it must feel for Godzilla as the flames rise from her belly so she can serve up some roasted Kong. I’m sure her belly is coated properly; mine on the other hand IS NOT! I can feel every seasoning from the toxic stew as it makes its way through my system: PEPPER, salt, thyme, curry, and perhaps Adobo or paprika.

“Honey you know that you can’t eat spicy foods.” I give my wife a mental fuck you as I pant hoping the purge is complete, still too afraid to back away from the bowl.

The inspiration for this story was an incident that happened to me (the last time that I've eaten from said restaurant--LOL)

2006-12-20T17:52:00.000-05:00

If You Talk to Them They Will Stalk You

My girlfriend has gotten me addicted to Alexander McCall Smith's Number One Ladies Detective Agency series. I'm currently blowing through the third installment, "Morality for Beautiful Girls."

The other day I had a goal to almost finish the book so that I could dive into my businesses magazine (two edition). So I read over 60 pages on the way in. I thought if I even come close to this on the way home I'll be finished this in no time.

Now it is Christmas time. I had in my bag at that time a yellow gold and diamond necklace for my mother for Christmas valued at $1000, which I got an amazing deal on (before it shot back up on Tuesday).

So I settle down and I'm about a page into reading and the gentleman next to me says oh I didn't even realize that was in the dictionary. I'm pretty puzzled at that point. I didn't see anything vulgar. I was hoping he wasn't going to give me a speech about the N word. I had the WTF are you talking about look on my face.

He was a pretty thin black man (probably in his sixties) with salt and pepper hair. He had a cane and I think some sort of interesting hat. Well he said "morality." I go oh, yeah. Then I start getting afraid that he's going to start preaching to me about Islam or something, which I was not in the mood for. I smiled at him and tried to keep on reading.

He had none of that. He asked what I was reading. I told him and then said I loved it because of the moral system Botswanan people go by. Well he interrupted me mid-sentence.

He says I know all about it. You don't have to tell me. I was in the war and then I left this country. Those people do have morals. I traveled all over Africa. Tunisia, Morocco, Chad...East Africa...wanted to go Libya but diplomatic relations weren't good...then I went to the Sinai...

Then he says how young people don't have morals. If you misbehaved back in the day and an adult saw you they'd whoop your ass and then tell your mother and you'd get another whoopin...can't tell young folks nothing these days...they'd curse you...you go ahead and try and see what happens...my son tried it with me and I picked up a 2x4 and hit him with it...he was 18...he looked at me like I was crazy and I hit him again...they locked me up...I'd do it again...I wish one of my kids would.

The man was very entertaining, despite keeping me from my reading. Well I got up and wished him a good day when I went to transfer to my train. He apologized for disturbing me. The express was there so I jumped on it. I was seated and just before the door closed he ran in. He didn't come and sit next to me. So I kept reading (maybe about 4 pages have been read at this point). The rest of the ride was pretty quick because I was on the express train. I took it to the last stop to catch the local. He looked like he was going to walk upstairs and low and behold he stopped.

He comes right over to me and says we are going in the same direction...if I was going past such and such neighborhood. Now I wasn't afraid. What could this man physically do to me with the exception of hitting me with his cane. I just didn't want to deal with any crazy people or get stuck up (if he was part of a team).

Well he got preoccupied by a man taping a rat eat a French fry with his cell phone. I eased on up and took a dollar van. Now if I didn't have that expensive piece of jewelry I might've waited for the train.

If you talk to them they will stalk you. I never was happier to see a New York City rat! Peace.

2006-12-19T16:53:00.000-05:00

Women In Science

Women in Science: The Battle Moves to the Trenches

I was on the New York Times website a few minutes ago. The article above was obviously of interest to me. My girlfriend is taking up a degree in Conservation Biology, I love science (not to the same level she does--but I did receive an award at my high school graduation for my exploits in A.P. Biology and overall science skills), and it provided an opportunity for me to educate myself.

This article sounded vaguely similar to a discussion we had on our email chain about African-American lawyers. Sometimes when people think of Affirmative Action they forget that women have benifited as much from the legislation as traditional minority groups (blacks, hispanics, etc.) This is not a knock on Affirmative Action or a resounding plea for the legislation to stay in place. However, it is the recognization that people generally forget about how women benefited from the legislation despite the fact that most people view it in terms of race.

That aside I found the article informative.

"Since the 1970s, women have surged into science and engineering classes in larger and larger numbers, even at top-tier institutions like the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where half the undergraduate science majors and more than a third of the engineering students are women. Half of the nation’s medical students are women, and for decades the numbers have been rising similarly in disciplines like biology and mathematics."

I found this extremely encouraging.

"Yet studies show that women in science still routinely receive less research support than their male colleagues, and they have not reached the top academic ranks in numbers anything like their growing presence would suggest.

For example, at top-tier institutions only about 15 percent of full professors in social, behavioral or life sciences are women, “and these are the only fields in science and engineering where the proportion of women reaches into the double digits,” an expert panel convened by the National Academy of Sciences reported in September. And at each step on the academic ladder, more women than men leave science and engineering."

This is a trend that I hope some day can be reversed. I know that this is a male-dominated society. I found this result extremely troubling with the amount of women in science degree programs. Some of my best science professors have been women. I think they deserve their fair chance. I believe they will get there, because for the most part women are resilient. Each step that they climb is worthy of celebration, but until they get to the top they will not be satisfied. If you know me I say men are sprinters, women are distance athletes. Genetically they are built to outlast (see any figure on male/female death statistics). They play such an important role in our society not only as caretakers but as politicians, lawyers, doctors, academics, etc. I hope like any group that all the hard work and activism pays off, if not for our generation, for the future...

At the end of her talk, Dr. Steitz displayed a chart showing rises in the proportion of women in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology faculty. There were few until the passage of civil rights legislation 40 years ago, when the numbers jumped a bit and then leveled off, she said. The numbers jumped again in the late 1990s after a report criticized the institute’s hiring and promotion practices as they related to women.

“We now have another plateau,” Dr. Steitz said, “and it’s my fervent hope that Larry Summers, God bless him, and the report that’s just come out will have this kind of impact.”

Ms. Imoukhouede hopes so, too. She said she was encouraged by the National Academy study — “that it could be done, and that it was taken seriously, that people would be willing to listen to women bringing up these issues.”

Meanwhile, though, she added, “I try to spend less time thinking about these perceptions and more time on my research.”

I included this last paragraph for encouragement. I am a male, a black male, and I think our country would benefit from women reaching the pinnacle of all fields--science included. While I would hardly call myself a feminist, I am a realist and I believe everyone deserves a fair opportunity to follow their dreams--as a society we must do what we can to make sure that they can. So I guess I'm not a feminist and I'm not 100% in support of Affirmative Action--but if it gets more qualified female applicants in traditionally male-dominated arenas--I'm all for it (at least while its purpose hasn't been outlived).

The future's so bright I have to wear shades!

2006-12-19T14:40:00.000-05:00

Cyber Addiction

I know that it has been awhile since I've posted. You should be scared because I will have to make up for my lack of attention to my blog. Perhaps I have lost some of the 84 people that have viewed my blog in its short inception. I promise you bigger and better posts for 2007--(don't I sound political)?

I read this very interesting article on BusinessWeek's website this morning--titled 'Virtually Addicted.' I'll give you a short synopsis of the article:

There was a certain vet of the Vietnam War whom claims he suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He'd been employed at IBM for 19 years. He was sacked as a result of a stool-pigeon that noticed his use of sexual language in an explicit chat room during office hours. IBM has basically a strict zero-tolerance policy on Internet usage. As a result, he was fired. The former employee then sued IBM stating that he had an Internet addiction.

The whole case sounded pretty cut and dry, meritless. Well that is until you delve deeper into the article. There are some experts that claim Internet addiction is a valid mental illness comparable to alcohol/narcotics addiction. In China they offer a 2 week rehabilitation for Internet addicts where you are treated for the illness.

The implication of this case stretches further than a pervert getting his rocks off. Instead it could force many insurance companies/business to alter their human resource policies to include dealing with such an issue.

At my company we don't have a zero tolerance policy. You will get a warning, and as some proponents in the article mention there is a progression of steps before you'd be fired. I still think the suit is meritless. Would you forgive a cigarette smoker for taking 20 breaks a day? Of course not. Productivity is the key. Someone that surfs the Internet can not maximize productivity or even come close to it. Manage your addiction during lunch time or during breaks--and be smart enough not to look at graphic content or type it where someone else can see it--or where it can be easily detected. This is coming from an MIS guy who really doesn't care what you do, as long as you don't compromise my network. HR obviously has other issues. And for the love of god don't have sticky keys either!

Virtually Addicted

2006-12-04T13:31:00.000-05:00

Share With the Masses

A friend of mine that visited my blog for the first time had some interesting comments. I'm going to refer to her as KB as in Knowledge Base because of her interesting insights and because it's a play on her initials:

1. "What defines you can also destroy you."

So true

What a challenging task, to write every day. I remember in my art program that I was required to sketch every day. Sometimes I just did not feel like sketching! It's hard, I think, to make art "on cue." An artist's ideas usually come like lightning -- you never know when they are going to strike or how intense the effects will be. Like you said, an idea grips you, literally haunts you, until you unleash it. That is the intuitive power of art/artists, but I suppose one must practice to harness that power. Most of an artist's life is exercise -- until those flashes of wisdom and talent come together to make a masterpiece. Writing (painting, drawing, photographing, dancing, singing, what have you) every day is a lot like an athlete's workout or a prize fighter's drills -- you are indeed working those artistic muscles to unleash the best blow possible.

Keep it up -- from what I can tell, you do have a gift.

2006-11-30T17:29:00.000-05:00

Pay Day

There's something so wonderful yet sinister about pay day. When you first start working and don't have responsibilities it is the best day. You get to go out and shop to you drop or bar hop, or whatever floats your boat. I try to treat myself to a pricey lunch and a bottle of wine these days (perhaps an expensive pair of underwear if a visit to/from Al is on the horizon).

That's all the fun that I can have before I start paying bills, which I now leave until Friday so I can feel a little more optimistic about pay day--though I broke the rule and paid everything early this morning before getting to work. I make a generous salary, but by the time taxes have their way with me I feel more like a pauper than a prince. I see all of these people driving fancy cars with smiles on their faces that I know make less than me. Now some of those smiles are because they don't have real responsibilities, or can make 20K a year and piss off their money while mommy and daddy pay their bills, or maybe they are living it up before the wall of debt comes crashing down on them.

Now I know after I graduate from a business school I'll be able to afford some trinkets, if I get anywhere near the average 2006 starting salary for MBAs 92K (which I'm nowhere close to if you're speculating).

So now the bills are paid, my checking account is looking bloated before I withdraw money for a Metrocard (don't ask), the landlord takes the rent money, I pay for food, etc. By tomorrow my account will have gone on a severe diet (making me wonder if there was really any money in there in the first place). Money needs to be set aside for Christmas gifts and birthdays (which is sad and gratifying at the same time). Tomorrow I'll be consumed about when I get paid next, LOL. It's a vicious cycle of getting paid and then being broke until next time, LOL.

Realize that this isn't a woe is me post. I don't want sympathy. I think I've come along way and Uncle Sam is a lot fatter than he was than when I was making $4.25/hr (and so am I).

2006-11-29T18:37:00.000-05:00

Recommendation of the Month

We are drawing close to the end of National Blog Month, and the end of my daily posts (which is somewhat of a relief). It's been difficult for me to come up with something each day that I felt was worthy of being read.

I'm an avid reader. I will read just about any genre of fiction (even sci-fi--which still isn't my favorite). That just made T cringe (he's convinced that I love sci-fi). Of the books that I've read in November one really stood out, the Nature of Blood by Caryl Philips).

It delves into two topics that have been discussed frequently in many books, race and religion. However, these two subjects never get old for me. Especially, if they are discussed from different perspectives. I can jump into a debate about either topic, being a black man and the product of a Christian/Muslim upbringing. I've taken a Philosophy of Religion class. Enough with my qualifications.

The book in its fragmented style deals with several characters spanning from the Middle Ages to the aftermath of the Holocaust. Philips takes you through Othello's shoes, through the shoes of Italian Jews that are persecuted by Christians, through the demise of a Jewish family torn apart by hatred (Holocaust)...

You don't feel like a stranger peering into someone else's life. You are walking alongside each character. You are being beaten and prodded, you share in the characters joy and pain. You become invested in each character. You never grow tired or feel depressed, there's no time too. Philips moves back and forth between different storylines within chapter masterfully. You must always be on your Ps and Qs to know when the storyline has shifted to a new or recurring character. It's like being at a bar with a blindfold on, not knowing what drink is going to be set before you. You take a taste and your brain processes a new taste or something familiar. This style was very effective. I've seen other author's use it and not be so successful, leaving the reader feeling confused and possibly angry about the shifting viewpoints.

Philips handling of the subject matter was phenomenal. He isn't preachy, which is often the case with books about religion and/or race. His points are made subtly by the characters, leaving you to form your own opinions.

I would not have had the opportunity to read such a divine work of art without the recommendation and loaning of said title by a dear friend (phenomenal writer--soon to be graduate of an MFA program). I won't say her name, but she carries quite a bit of freckles and we have known each other since the tale end of high school.

I give this title my highest recommendation (Chicken Wings with Beef Fried Rice, LOL). I'm sure you'll enjoy it too if you give it a chance.

2006-11-28T15:40:00.000-05:00

What Defines You Can Also Destroy You

I realize at times I'm infected by a disease. Relax people, I'm talking figuratively not literally. I'm not walking around with the clap or worse yet the monster. My disease is my imagination.

Now that might seem a bit odd to express one's imagination in such a derogatory way. Sometimes allowing your mind to wander can cause problems, like bumping into poles, buildings, or small children (which luckily I haven't experienced). What defines you can also destroy you.

Last night I had a story in my mind that wouldn't die. It consumed me until I took out my laptop and scribbled it down. I felt enslaved to my craft, which hasn't happened before. The worse part of this disease that comes and goes is it impairs my ability to finish longer pieces. Why? Because when I start and get sixty or maybe two-hundred pages into a story I lose interest. Why? Because another story is brewing! Another story that grasps my attention and leaves me with yet another unfinished project.

What defines you can also destroy you.

I have two of my better pieces (consensus amongst those who have read enough of my work to make such a claim) currently sitting on the back burner. One a novella, the other a full fledged novel. I think they're brilliant, but my mind has been preoccupied with getting out my application, reading fiction, and writing shorter pieces (which don't rely on my ability to focus)...

2006-11-27T21:35:00.000-05:00

Splattered With Nonsense

This experimental ditty fought to come out tonight. So who was I to deny it?

Splattered With Nonsense
JT 11/27/06

Tangerine, navy blue, jade, cotton, and black. These colors drain before my very eyes from a source unbeknown. Crimson, turquoise, sienna, and indigo dance before me in a perfect tantalizing rhythm.

I wish I had a canvas and an adequate brush so that I could capture their essence correctly. I’d dip my brush in and give the canvas life. I can see myself wildly working at it. Oh how I’d let my hands be free splattering the world with so much color it couldn’t handle.

A stroke should not be confined. No. It has a mind of its own. Yes, stroke thickly and sometimes thin. Don’t allow constraints to limit you my pupil.

Oh how he works at it like a teenager in his first piece of pussy. My boy you will learn not to jab so hard with your erect wrist. Loosen it boy and quit being so frigid. You must learn to control the talent. It will come over time I suppose. Otherwise you will be considered a bad lover.

I feel helpless. You see I am a mute. My words are conveyed through my pen. I too see the wall of colors. My canvas is a pen and a pad. I’m grateful to never have spoken. I see the world in a way that few have and I’m not sure I could articulate it anyway. Otherwise I’d be taken for crazy and overzealous, or perhaps a pompous jackass.

The kid’s no artist right now. He’ll be some day. I’m sure he’ll master his art before he masters control of his dick, lest my nightly prayers go unanswered. Otherwise you’ll never see clearly with your pubescent nostrils consumed with the smell of women.

2006-11-27T11:45:00.000-05:00

Why Prostitutes Should Not Be Allowed To Address The Media!

So there seems to be a possible serial killer in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I'm scheduled to visit this seedy part of town on the 15th. I've never been to Atlantic City myself, but I've heard tons about drug addicts, prostitutes, and the normal crime factions that attach themselves to the casino world.

Please click on the link below for more information about the recent events in Atlantic City. Notice there isn't much about forensics, but mostly of the concerns of some streetwalkers that tragically are hilarious in the way that they discuss coping with the current issue. Please bear in mind that I think the whole situation needs to be resolved immediately. However, I couldn't help laughing at the hookers.

Atlantic City Serial Killer

2006-11-27T10:33:00.000-05:00

The Monday Aftermath

I just want to give props to my girlfriend's cousin (who we'll call Marie). She asked where I was on Thanksgiving. I think we've bonded the last two times that we've met. I think especially because I'm mindful of Marie's background. She has ADD because of the sins of her parent.

She is so tiny, but she is one of the most athletic children I've ever seen. She throws a baseball harder than most men. The first time that we met I decided against catch, for fear of being layed out by one of her fastballs (and humiliated on my first visit to the fine Deborah establishement). You see I had some work done on my teeth last year to fix a small problem, cosmetic dentistry! So I tend to avoid anything that might compromise my new appealing smile.

That didn't mean we couldn't have fun. I aimed to tire her out in the pool. We raced back and forth and played all kinds of games. I've been swimming since I was six. While I don't have textbook form I can hold my own in a pool (I could have it if I bent my elbows a bit more). Despite such form issues I can handle swimming underwater, can backstroke, and can swim freestyle, and can even flirt with the butterfly and breast strokes. So I did my best to tire out Marie. I think I suceeded too.

That was July 4th 2005. During July 4th 2006 Marie came over. The only problem was there was torrential rain. I didn't think she'd remember me, but she did. She seemed much more mature over the course of the year. I am pretty good with children from dealing with my two nieces and nephews and slew of cousins.

Anyway I was at home in New York having Thanksgiving with my family. Marie asked where is Jam, he said he wanted to watch this movie on July 4th and I brought it for him to watch (on her portable DVD). That really made me smile.

On other news I have offically applied for entrance in the Babson Fast Track MBA Program. Please keep your fingers crossed for me!

2006-11-26T16:47:00.000-05:00

How about those Jets!

Things are finally getting back to normal around my house.

We've gotten rid of most of the Thanksgiving left-overs. There are only two of us in the house (and I've spent Sunday doing a bit of work). Now I'm watching football and hoping that I can win this week's football pool. Hopefully New England will keep me in contention (by upsetting the Bears). Sadly we can't watch the game, because we have to watch the Giants maul the Titans (hopefully). Too bad the game isn't on Sunday Night Football.

Most Overrated players in the NFL this season:
1. Micheal Vick
2. Plaxico Burress
3. John Roethlisberger
4. Jake Plummer
5. Eli Manning
HM Reggie Bush

Most Underrated Players
1. Drew Brees
2. Philip Rivers
3. Chad Pennington
4. Rex Grossman
5. The whole 49ers squad (who would of thought)
HM Seneca Wallace/Tiki Barber/LaDamian Tomlinson (this kid is a freak of nature)

Boy 4 days can really fly!

2006-11-25T21:46:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling particulary inspired today. I've written another short. I hope you enjoy.

Tales From the Sixth Grade Lunchroom
BY J.T. 11/25/06

I watched Sybil from the opposite side of the lunch table. She didn’t look so mean to me. I was careful not to make eye contact. Lakisha told me she’d be liable to kick my ass if she thought I was staring her down. I’m not afraid of her, but I’m new here and I don’t want no trouble.

There’s been a lot of talk about this junior high school, ‘specially about all the juvenile delinquents that go here. Momma couldn’t afford Xavier Childs anymore after she got laid off. I told her that I understood. Besides I wasn’t Catholic anyway. I’m Baptist. Mass was kind of boring, though I didn’t let on.

Lakisha nudged me when Sybil got up from the table. “She looking pretty pissed of Valerie…damn girl don’t stare at her. I told you she liable to smack the black of you if she catch you staring…I’m telling you from experience.”

I don’t know what possessed me, but I got up too. I knew she was heading towards the snack line. I wanted to see how she was for myself. Lakisha just sucked her teeth when I got up. “You go right ahead, Val, I’ll notify your next of kin.”

I kind of rushed so I was standing right behind Sybil. She was pretty tall for the 6th grade, taller than most of the boys. She still hadn’t shed all of her baby fat either. Her cheeks proved that. Sybil had some pretty extensions. Must have been human hair too.

I touched my own hair out of habit. Momma couldn’t afford for me to go to the beauty parlor no more so I let my older cousin Lillian do it for me. She permed it too. Momma wasn’t so happy about that, but I was. The relaxer burned, but my hair looked so cute after it was done. I don’t really have to do much with it anymore. I just throw it in a ponytail and keep it moving.

I was standing right behind Sybil when she got her ice cream. Lakisha told me she was liable to steal people’s money to finance her ice cream habit. So standing right behind her made me really nervous. After she bought her toasted almond bar she turned right around and looked me in the face.

Well I was pretty scared. I was hoping she didn’t clock me too hard, but I played it off real cool. She was about three inches taller than me, me being 5’5”. I was used to fighting my male cousins so I figured I could rumble with her if it went that far.

She was prettier than I expected, with the mean wiped off her face. She peeled back the ice cream and ate it, as though she was waiting for a friend.

I asked for strawberry shortcake and put my change in my pocket. Then she stopped staring. I followed behind her. She walked a few feet before turning around. “Catholic Girl watch your back. These bitches in here jealous. If anybody bother you let me know and I’ll fuck ‘em up.”

I was completely caught off guard. So much so that I couldn’t speak. Sybil just laughed and walked back towards the lunch table.
I finished my ice cream in peace, beside Lakisha asking me what Sybil had said to me. I didn’t really know what made me do it, but I got up and went to sit with Sybil.

Lakisha’s jaw dropped. I’m sure everyone elses did too, ‘cept Sybil. She just welcomed her new recruit.

Lakisha mouthed to me from across the table that it was a setup. She didn’t trust Sybil as far as she could throw her. Maybe that or she was jealous that I had found another friend.

I followed behind Sybil like a lost puppy. We were walking up the stairs when Cynthia Nunez dropped her books and her posse came towards me. “Yo Catholic Girl why you skip me in the lunch line. I should fuck you up.”

The crowd oohed and aahed.

I handed my books to Sybil. Sybil handed them towards Lakisha. Lakisha dropped them on the floor and was ready to rumble.

I stepped forward. “I don’t know who you are or what you are talking about, but I didn’t skip nobody in no line.”

Cynthia stepped up, “Act like you want it Catholic Girl.” She threw up her hands.

Sybil said to me, “Whoop that bitches ass Catholic Girl.” And that’s exactly what I did. I whooped her ass in the stairwell and nobody was going to jump in knowing that Sybil had my back.

I grabbed hold of her and started throwing hailmakers. She was getting hit so much and so hard that she just covered her face. I grabbed her by her hair and flung her into the wall. “I skipped you bitch?”

Lakisha and Sybil pulled me off her. Sybil threw her arm around me (as she ushered me upstairs. “You ain’t no joke Catholic Girl…You ain’t no joke.”

We walked off into the sunset leaving Cynthia’s posse to lick her wounds (and no doubt to plot revenge).

2006-11-25T18:16:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I feel the need to flex my writing muscles.

I've been concentrating on my application and haven't had much time to write lately, so I'm going to write an impromptu short:

"I prefer Yellow Tail," Agatha whispered into the ear of her would-be lover. She could feel the animal magnetism. Evidently he could too. She could see the bulge in his pants and the hairs on his neck stood on ends.

Jeremy, that's what he called himself. Nothing particularly special about him Agatha thought. She was feeling particularly predatory tonight and this little lamb presented himself towards the slaughter. She licked her lips, knowing she could already taste his sacrifice. She'd fuck him and maybe even let him spend the night if he showed himself worthy.

Jeremy's eyes showed that he was overpowered by her spell. Those slanted eyes, curly eyelashes, and pouty lips were a lethal combination. Her raspy voice added to her allure. That and her tight plump ass and supple breasts.

The suitor gulped and ran his hand along the shelf trying to lock onto Yellow Tail. She grabbed his hand and slid it down two rows. He gulped again, grabbed the bottle, and then her hand.

She let out a smile and allowed him to think that he was the one in control. When she gave her body up, even for a one night stand it was always her choice. Most men thought their game was responsible, or perhaps too much alcohol. When in fact she was a nympho trying to satisfy her urges with the nearest attractive penis that passed her way...